Living with a FA.... how to approach

[Sickofthebeer]

NC for obvious reasons.

So....my DH is a functioning alcoholic.
He used to drink every day when we first got together over 5 years ago he would have around 6/7 cans of premium lager per day so around 45 ish cans equating to 121.5 units per week.
We had a conversation whereby I said I was concerned for his health and he said he would cut back on drinking and only drink Thurs - Sunday which to be fair he has done, he now drinks more on those days (or so it seems) he buys maybe 30 /32 cans (86 units). I had to be really careful how I worded this because it could have escalated into it being all about money, which to be frank is an issue for me as it costs around 35 per week or 140 a month. If it is a football match day he drinks from lunchtime so could have an additional 5 pints on those days, or when on holiday he doesn't stick to the non days.
I hate it for a number of reasons, his health for one, I don't want to end up being his carer as I have done this with my parents and sibling, I want someone to look after me now. If I were to mention this he would brush it off and say I could get run over tomorrow. I want to live my life now, and I say well I want you around for longer than if you keep doing this to yourself. I know it's an addiction but now he's compromised (and proved he can do it) for 3 days non drinking he thinks that's OK.
Thing is it's horrible, each time he cracks open a can it grates on me, I think that's another hour he's knocked off his life.
And then there's the cost, how on earth can we afford this when we retire, if I were to say this he'd say I'll find a way.
Then there's the horrid post alcohol breath 4 days a week. I once called Al-Anon but the person there just wanted to slag off my DH saying oh and I bet he's got a big belly from drinking lager hasn't he? He actually has but thinks he's fit because he goes to the gym twice a week.
He has an answer for everything I say, I know it rules him, I know about addiction and he has to want to stop but of course doesn't.
I don't know how to revisit this one again with him.

Well you can't change his mindset or his drinking. You do have choices about your own life and how you want to live.

it may be worth trying Al Anon again. It’s not all about whether your alcoholic has a beer belly or not, but all about learning that you can’t control them or their drinking, only how you react to it and how you take care of yourself.

All you can do is set your boundaries, lay out the consequences and follow through if he doesn't change. She basically you need to decide if you stay and put up with it or leave. I wouldn't opt to stay and nag him forever, driving yourself nuts, you'd need to make peace with it. I chose option 2 and left after 17 years. 18 months later he's a bit better as we have kids but I can see he'll never change and I made the right decision.

We never talk about it, I don't nag him, it's like the elephant in the room Thursday onwards!
I choose to stay so I guess I put up and shut up....

I think you've already made the decision, hard as it is

He will always be an alcoholic and is not willing to consider any help

It might be worth asking MN to move this thread to the alcohol board. Not sure if you've been on it but there are a lot of people in your situation and I bet some helpful threads

This is very true...

What would you do if you knew that next year you'd get a substantial windfall - say half a million pounds?

You're probably not - but how could you make that happen anyway?

Oh I didn't realise there was such a thing!
Thank you for letting me know.

Like so many posts of this type it’s mainly about him. What about you in all this, you are worth more. Your own recovery from his alcoholism has not started yet and will not until you decide that you’ve had enough of this. You need to get off this merry go around named denial.

Watching with interest. Exactly the same here - maybe a bit less. Wine every night, maybe about 12 units a day / 85+ units a week. More if he's celebrating something. Last week coz of the coronation he's been pissed Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun. Quiet days this week until last night and he'll be drinking a lot this weekend coz he's away with some friends. It's very lonely being married to him. Can't remember the last time he got into bed without having had alcohol. 😢