Feeling torn about a alcohol dependant parent ☹️

[staciea31]

Hi
just looking for a little advice , so in recent years it has became apparent that my mom is an alcoholic although she is in denial and won’t admit to this or get help . It’s becoming increasing worse and she is verbally abusive and nasty my biggest concern is the fact I have a 12 year old little brother who I don’t want subjected to this I don’t want his childhood to be ruined because of this although I know it already has been . I am at my wits end as to what to do my main priority is my brother and it’s also breaking my heart to see my mom like this and know she is essentially killing herself and she has no regard for her son I love her dearly but I also resent her for doing this to my brother My father passed when I was 2 years old so I understand the hurt of missing a parent my brother has a different father but we share the same mother so I don’t want him to lose a parent young and go through the hurt that comes with that . Sorry for the long post I’m just hoping for a little bit advice or if anyone is in the same situation what did you do
thank you ☹️

Just to add my little brother has never came to any harm my mom provides everything for him in that sense she is fantastic he always has everything he asks for and home cooked meals and everything there is no issue regarding that side of things , it’s more the emotional turmoil I see him in as he knows what’s going on now he is a little older and I worry about his feelings as he does tell me he is down and doesn’t want things to carry on this way I just wish I could do something x

How much is she drinking? Is she verbally abusive and nasty to your brother? Has he said anything to you about her behaviour?

Thanks for replying @ApolloandDaphne
its anything up to 12 cans of lager a day plus white wine some days , yeah she can be very nasty to my brother to the point where I stand in and try and protect him . He has yeah the poor little thing he is struggling with the drinking and the confrontation and nastiness . It’s now affecting his school as he won’t go now he just wants to lock himself away it’s breaking my heart I don’t know what to do

I think you should speak to the school about your concerns. They can keep an eye on your brother. You could report to SS but if she presents okay during the day and the house is clean and she is providing food it will be hard to prove that there is an issue. Does she hold down a job or drive? The likelihood is that things will only come to a head if there is some sort of incident at home. I say this as a retired SW as I have seen this scenario a number of times.

Also, can he come and stay with you for a while? Is that a possibility?

Thanks so much for taking the time to offer advice I really appreciate it , the school are aware there is an issue as they have made home visits to see why my little brother is refusing to go in but my mom presents to herself well as they always come around 9am , she does work 2 days a week but as soon as she gets home she is drinking and I have a suspicion she is drinking at work too and also on her days off she drinks from around 10/11 am until she is really inebriated yet she will deny it . He is staying with me as off a few days ago but I can see he is really affected by all of this , I just want to do right by him I am 20 year older than him so a massive age gap but I want and need to put him first , I have said to mom I will ring social services if it continues but she says I will ruin my brothers life if he gets taken away and I would never forgive myself if that happens I just don’t know what to do she won’t allow me to take him full time until she is willing to get better it’s taking it’s toll really bad

It is really hard and he is lucky to have you watching out for him. Is his dad on the scene and aware of what is happening?

Thanks that means a lot I just wish I could do more , yeah his dad is he works away Monday to Friday but is very much involved in his life , I can’t see a solution that is gonna end well and I just want to protect my brother I feel helpless