Drinking again after baby

[Rita31]

I’m 31 years old and have always enjoyed a drink. I was brought up around drinkers and most of my friends like a drink too. I’m Not an alcoholic nor would I drink much at home (with the exception of lockdown) but I enjoyed a drink on a weekend. My problem was that I didn’t know when to stop. It was always one more, one more, one more. This resulted in terrible anxiety the following day/week. I’d tell myself I wouldn’t do it again and then once I had a drink all rational thinking and self control would fly out of the window. Since I found out I’m pregnant, I haven’t touched a single drop and it hasn’t bothered me much at all. I guess it’s just one of those things.
However, I’m due in June and plan to breastfeed but I am looking forward to having the odd drink in the sun.
I know that when I’m with the baby and when I’m feeding her, I won’t be able to drink much at all but I’m concerned that as she gets older and less dependent on me that I slip back into old habits. I really want this pregnancy to be a reset for me to change the way I think about alcohol. I’d like to be able to go out for a couple or a few but know when to stop and go home.
Has anyone else been in the same boat? I’m sure motherhood will change me to some extent but what about if she’s staying out at grandparents or something? I desperately want to be a responsible drinker who knows her limits and can have a good night without going too far. My step mum is an alcoholic and it has had a serious impact on my little sisters’ lives. I also know many binge drinking mums who constantly embarrass their children with their drunk behaviour. I don’t want to be that mum. I’m not seeking advice on giving up alcohol, I’m seeking advice on having a healthy relationship with alcohol from people who are further into the journey than I am.

I’m not seeking advice on giving up alcohol, I’m seeking advice on having a healthy relationship with alcohol from people who are further into the journey than I am.

given your history op, I’d be aiming for giving up

I think once you've had too much to drink and have to look after your baby in the morning, it will put you off drinking for the next few years.

I used to like a drink. I've probably been drunk 3/4 times since having my 2 kids as it's just horrendous trying to look after them the next day.

But you already have 'given up alcohol'. Given your history why risk slipping back into old habits?

I haven't touched a single drop since having my eldest and he's nearly 5. I'd really recommend it. I'm not missing out on anything, I don't waste any money on alcohol and feel very healthy and full of energy.

In all honesty, I don't think you'll be able to. I would encourage you to go to an AA meeting, as having read your post and knowing about alcohol dependent people, I think you've taken the first step to acknowledging your problem, but i don't think you've yet realised how serious it is. Take this time now, whilst you're sober to just humour us and talk to a professional.

Where's the harm? If you don't have the problem I think you have then it's better to be safe than sorry. If you do, this might be your opportunity to make the most amazing changes you possibly could for your baby's life. You have done an incredible thing giving up drinking and I hope that you're so proud of yourself, because you absolutely should be.

Think about how you feel about never having another drink and that feeling will tell you something. Especially when you consider that you can still drink alcohol free drinks with friends in the sun. Think about which bit you're really worried about missing and how you'd feel without it. That feeling will give you an indication of how things actually are.

Again, a huge, huge well done on taking these steps so far, you've done an amazing job. Have a think about how it would feel about never waking up with that anxiety and panic again. Do you really need to introduce e back into your life all that alcohol brings? X

I'd try to go sober altogether if I were you. Simply because it's much easier than moderation. One drink, by it's very nature, will lower your inhibitions and self control and make you want more.

I used to love drinking very much, rather in the way that you describe (I certainly didn't drink all the time, in the way I pictured "alcoholics" doing). I am now completely sober and have not lost anything good from my life. In fact my life is vastly improved.

I really would urge you to think about it. Why does the thought of completely quitting seem bad to you?

You want a healthy relationship with alcohol and you are far from alone.

I do not ascribe to the binary messaging around alcohol - there are alcoholics and then there's everyone who drinks normally. That if you have ANY kind of issue with alcohol you need to go to AA and quit. I teach people how to moderate their drinking. It is possible. I trust my clients to know what's right for them. Some decide to go further and quit entirely, others end by having a glass now and then and being happy with that. Alcohol becomes not the main focus. (The only proviso is if someone has a physical dependency on alcohol, then that's GP time.)

I know not everyone goes with this, but it's what I see with the people I work with and it was that way for me. I didn't want AA, I didn't even want to give up completely, I didn't want to say I was powerless in the face of alcohol (I wasn't!) I just wanted to feel more in control and drink a bit less.

What I've learned is we drink because of desire. Because we want it. And that is a LEARNED behaviour even though it feels involuntary and automatic. I had a learned behaviour of enjoying French Chablis in the sun and while I was cooking and at lots of other times too. I had 3 pregnancies where I never drank then was straight back to it afterwards. You can be dry and never drink but have raging desire and always feel that you're keeping yourself away from the booze. I never wanted that. Doesn't seem like much fun.

But when you tackle your DESIRE for the alcohol it truly becomes easy. It's not always easy to get there but it is so doable. Because when you don't want something it's easy to not consume it.

I would start by asking why you want to drink? Then to ask if you like your reasons. I would ask how those reasons make you feel. I could say a lot more but this post is already long.

And if you want to explore this more check out my podcast called 90 Days Later. It covers all the stuff I learned on my way to creating a healthy relationship with alcohol. Start with episodes 1 (why we drink) and episode 3 (desire).

Someone in your position might find it usually impossible to do what you’re wanting

I was like you. Could go weeks without a drink but once I started drinking I was unable to stop. I had so many nights where I just went too far, embarrassed myself, couldn't remember what I'd done etc. After I had my child I just lost all desire to get drunk. Being responsible for a tiny, helpless child meant I wanted to remain in control and be there for her. I was no good to her if I was drunk! Also I was very sleep deprived for the first couple of years and permanently felt like I had a hangover. I really didn't want to feel worse by having an actual hangover!
My daughter's now nearly 13 and I still have no desire to be drunk. I'll have a couple of glasses of wine if socialising but really do stop at 2.

With your history you should be looking to give up alcohol forever. Any middle ground won’t bode well for you.

That’s a rude assumption to make. Just because of her past, doesn’t mean she has an issue with alcohol. The very fact that she is asking for guidance means that she doesn’t want to bring up
her child like she has been brought up

I used to be like you, not knowing my limits, I have had multiple drinks since DD was born and not even felt buzzed. Tonight I as my first night getting drunk and I feel terrible while still drunk even though DH is looking after her. I can assure you that your instincts will take over, this is the first time I’ve felt anything and I never want to feel this way again. I know DH is perfectly capable of looking after DD but I’d sleep much better if I hadn’t been drunk.