Does she have a drink problem

[booo1992]

So my friend says she doesn't have a problem but I think different.

She drinks 5-7 days a week, some nights it's 2 bottles of wine, sometimes 3 and sometimes it can be just a few cans of lager.
She doesn't get hangovers and says she does it because she wakes up feeling fine the next day and what else is there to do in the evening.

She's also told me she has loose stools and a lot of the time more blood comes out of her bum than it does when she's on a period. Also she used to be slim and so good looking. She's put a lot of weight on and is starting to look really rough.

I'm worried about her, she's now crying most days saying she feels depressed and doesn't know why. I've told her it's the drink and she needs to stop. She just gets very defensive when I say this.

Would you say she had a problem?

Yes.

Very much so. She doesn’t get hungover any more as her body has learned to tolerate that much alcohol, but it’s having a clear effect on her health with the weight gain and depression.

Yes. Rectal bleeding is very serious.

Clearly she does have an issue. And the blood in stools may be related to the alcohol but as far as I’m aware that’s also a sign of bowel cancer and should checked out asap.

Also is she has a lot to drink and feels really drunk she will get some coke and then threatens shocked the next day cos of how she feels!

I'm getting fed up of the constant phone calls of how she feels when I've told her to stop the drink and stop the coke bur she never listens!

With that level of tolerance, she'll have withdrawal symptoms should she stop. It's a medical issue and she should consult her GP about it.

Alcohol is a depressant, no doubt about it.

Well there’s basic maths as well as how she’s feeling/looking:

recommended units per week: 14
units in an average bottle of wine: 10
2 bottles a night (conservative): 20
2 bottles a night 5 days (conservative): 100 units

I’m not one of the mumsnet “i never even sniff a small dry sherry” brigade, and often stray over my 14 towards 20, but i think that by anyone’s standards 100 minimum is pretty hard on your body.

Sorry. If she gets really drunk she will take coke and then threaten suicide next day. I just don't know what to say anymore

Yes, she has a problem but unfortunately she’s in denial. It’s sad when this happens, but the best thing you can do is put your own boundaries in place, eg around the phone calls

She’ll need to have detox tablets… no way to come down from that alcohol without the deletion tremors if she stops cold Turkey. Convince her to go to A and E if she has rectal bleeding

Thanks all for your comments.

The thing I don't understand is If she does have 1 day off from drinking then she doesn't feel anything, no withdrawals just normal. I'd have thought she'd maybe feel something! I think because she can have a "normal day" then she doesn't think she has a problem

How long has this been going on for?

If she's not getting symptoms of withdrawal it may be early days and it will eventually hit her very hard.

Withdrawal is a very scary real thing once it starts to take place. Hope she gets some help before it's too late OP 💐

but i think that by anyone’s standards 100 minimum is pretty hard on your body.

We use the word intoxicated because alcohol is a toxin.

The GI bleeding might be ulcers. Those are pretty common with alcoholics. Any GI bleeding needs to be evaluated urgently.

I'd say she's been like it for about a year maybe a little longer

She is not on message, thinks everything is fine and feeling rough and depressed is due to anything but drink and drugs.

Seems like you are a good friend, but sometimes tough love is required. I had to do it years ago after many many incursions on my own well being by a person similar to your friend. It nearly did me in to tell her NO MORE, come back to me when you get help and sort yourself out, I can't do it for you anymore.

The person did not do anything and developed all sorts of illnesses. She is still here but has liver disease, heart problems and gastric issues. Poor thing, I hear from her relatives now and then.

We can try but we can't make them do anything about it unless they want to do it for themselves. I'd gently encourage her to go to GP and get tests/treatment for her physical symptoms. They will know what's going on even if she doesn't admit it - from bloods and scans and hopefully will offer her professional help. If she accepts it that is.

Look after yourself OP.

Oh 😣 I would say a year of drinking she may be able to recover from with the right support.

If it continues a year or two she will start to feel the effects more and more.

Sending lots of hugs and support. All you can do is be there but also set boundaries with her regarding your relationship.

Only she can make the change for the better unfortunately.

Well she went out drinking yesterday day time with her husbands family. She ended up drinking to much as per and ended up taking coke to "sober her up".
I'm now getting the text messages I don't want to be here anymore, i feel so down.

I really don't know what to say to her I honestly don't. It's the same thing every other weekend, she brings it in herself.
I just don't want to be the bad friend and not show sympathy!

I think you need to make sure that you are not giving her too much of yourself. It is very easy to want to be the 'saviour' and to give everything you can, but addicts are incredibly draining to be around. Self care is hugely important when you have one in your life.

So I would suggest you start by no longer engaging with the suicide texts. She has no right to do this to you. Tell her face to face that you will no longer reply to these texts and then do it.

And while you cannot make her stop drinking or using coke, what you can do is stop her from turning to you every time. Tell her that you can't help her because the only way things will get better is if she deals with her substance abuse. It sounds to me as if she is self medicating for something painful in her life, so pitch it that way.