Talk me out of having a drink.

[ItsTheSmallThings]

Feel very stressed and low today. Having problems with a house purchase that does not look like it's going to go through meaning we have to move out of our current house and town resulting in uprooting settled children.

Before having children I used to drink when stressed and had a bit of a problem, now only drink about once a year. Today however, I feel I need to drink. I'm working from home and have spirits in the cupboard, I know I shouldn't but very very tempted.

Go for a walk, make a cup of tea, phone a friend. Basically do something that will distract you.

Sorry that things are tough.

Don't have a drink. Well done for posting this instead.

Logical reasons not to:

• you're meant to be working, you could lose your job
• what if you have to drive to pick up the kids unexpectedly
• it's only 11.30am
• drinking won't make the stress go away
• drinking won't make you feel better, you'll feel bad for drinking

What else could you do:

• eat something
• glass of tonic with ice
• walk
• have a rant to a friend
• smoke
• get in the car and go somewhere different, even just the supermarket
• buy a takeaway coffee from a nice cafe

You've got this. You're the one who decides and you can decide not to have a drink

Resist today.
Don't rule out tomorrow, cross that bridge when you come to it. But if you can resist today you'll feel proud of yourself and that's a good feeling.
If things feel a little out of control right now the last thing you need is a dent in your self esteem.
You don't need that drink, it's calling your name but distraction will help you ignore that.
You can do it.

• Pour the alcohol down the drain. Don't keep it in the house if you're vulnerable. Just don't ever keep it in your home!
• Don't drink.
• You'll hate yourself.
• It'll fuck you up.
• You'll be back to square one.
• Go out and buy sweets and chocolate or something else.
• Do not take that first drink.
• And once again - don't keep alcohol in your home. If you keep it in the house for a partner, DON'T. Your sobriety is more important. They should support you on that.

20 years sober this year.

Fast forward the scenario- what will happen if you start drinking spirits today?

You’ll feel buzzed for a bit. Then you’ll probably feel sleepy and you definitely won’t be able to concentrate on work. You’ll get behind, then you’ll have to catch up, but you’ll have to catch up whilst feeling shit from the booze. The house stress will still be there.

Tea and cake will be much more satisfying.

Well done that's amazing.

Do you ever get times you want to relapse ? What makes you stop yourself?

Hi OP. I recently found out that my sister had a severe alcohol dependency use disorder. She was found collapsed on her kitchen floor, living in squalor with severe muscle wastage, malnourished and with ascites ( and 15l abdominal fluid). Her mental health has deteriorated terribly. She can no longer have salt/eat in a restaurant/have a take away or any fast food etc. She has final end stage liver failure. Her long term prognosis is poor. She is depressed and can no longer walk. She is at risk of internal bleeding if she were to fall. She has to regularly go to hospital (after a prolonged stay of weeks) to have a huge needle inserted to drain off the fluid around her abdomen. Alcohol causes disease in the brain. That is why it is so very hard to resist and why, ideally, you should never have a drink again. The impact upon us as a family has been absolutely devastating. My sister has cut herself off from all friends and family. Social services have to visit to help her wash etc. She is in her mid forties. We have shed so many tears over her situation and I live in constant fear of her suddenly dying. It is truly tragic. Don't go there. I was shocked when I found out what end stage liver failure does to the body and brain. It's horrific

My advice would be to firstly congratulate yourself on having being so strong so far and for putting your health, mental health and family/friends over alcohol. That is a fantastic achievement. Remind yourself that you are strong, have recognised the signs and can take action to help yourself. That is a really great step. Secondly, pour the alcohol away in your house. Just do it. It's just water with some nasty little brain screwing chemicals in it. Go for a walk, put the radio on in the background, listen to the calm app or put some relaxing music on. Remind yourself that this stress and feeling will pass as will your cravings. Remember that if things are hard in life, you can make tweaks that may help - including going to the drs and talking about medication if needs me.

Well done for taking the steps to help yourself. You will have so many people who care deeply about you out there and so many reasons to carry on without alcohol.

I never used to think i had a problem, its only looking back i realised i did. If something happened to stress me i would drink, i would buy alcohol and drink on the way back from the shop, this was around 4 days a week.

I gave up when pregnant and realised how much my mental health improved. DD is now 2 and I've only ever been drunk twice, the first time it scared me as I realised I would not be in control of a situation if anything happened to DD and the second time was a social event. Apart from this I just don't feel the need any more to have a drink, and I'm scared that just one will never be one.

I'm happy mentally and my mental health has never been better, but due to the news its the first thing I thought off, I need a drink, now I can't get rid of the thought. Trying to just focus on work and hope the feeling passes.

Hi OP, sounds like it's quite a stressful time with that upheaval in your life. So it makes sense that you'll have the thought I need a drink.

OK, so first I would change it to "I want a drink".

How does that feel? More in control maybe? You may not like the fact that you want a drink, but by being accurate with your language you take some of the power back.

Next I would offer that feeling stressed and frustrated in the situation you're in makes a whole lot of sense, right? With house move and uprooting kids and so on well of course you'll feel at sixes and sevens. And that's OK. You are highly unlikely to feel joyous and calm and contented in this scenario are you? It's just one of those times when things are on the not so good side. No problem there. Just part of being human. Our feelings aren't a problem.

So while you don't need me or anyone to talk you out of a drink, what I do suggest you do is just figure out how you're feeling, decide you're not going to make it a problem, know it will pass (it will) and imagine how wonderful you'll feel knowing you did that all by yourself without looking to drink as a crutch.

Happy to answer questions

Do you ever get times you want to relapse ? What makes you stop yourself?

All the time!
But I'm very stubborn and don't want to lose my lovely family, my lifestyle, my life.
Sobriety is very deeply ingrained in me now but I never take it for granted. I think about it and alcohol every day and am grateful for that as it keeps me sober.

Hope your day has gone ok.

be kind to your liver - it must process every single unit

My father was an alcoholic...it made my life hell and eventually killed him.

Please don't have a drink...for your kids and for yourself.

I hope you managed to get through the day and keep your resolve.

At times when you are tempted, can you work at the library instead of at home?

Though I agree with a PP - don't keep alcohol in your home. If you keep it in the house for a partner, DON'T. Your sobriety is more important. They should support you on that.

Also distracting tactics like going for a walk, calling a friend, maybe even go for a coffee with a friend if possible.