Scared I'm gonna be boring sober !

[indieray]

I've cut down drinking from 3-4 nights a week to one night a week recently been loving the sober benefits. More money better sleep loving my clearer skin😍
I told myself I will drink of a wknd one night to unwind from the week. Last night was my night we drank at a restaurant 1 drink as we had drinks at home. I drank a whole bottle of wine and didn't intend on this & now feel horrendous I feel lts all for nothing and I hate the way it makes me feel !!
I've admitted now to myself I have a problem with moderation
I want so bad to be sober but I'm scared of the following:
•Trying to unwinding on a wknd with zero drinks!
.•being the boring sober one when my partner drinks and gets loud.

• dealing with not knowing how to numb my stress , anger etc with drink. ! The evenings I find the hardest
If anyone had any advice or successes please please share I would love to hear. Thanks

There are worse things to be than boring!

I think you will likely find that it’s actually all the drunken people who are pretty boring. Shouting, repeating themselves, laughing too loudly at things that aren’t remotely funny

It does take some time to let your shoulders drop at the end of the working week without the help of alcohol but you will get there.

Soak in the bath with a book.
Learn to knit.
Go for a power walk and release some endorphins.
Take up yoga -Yoga with Kassandra on YouTube has been transformative.
Zoom friends.
Meditate -I use simple habits app but there are others to help you calm stress.

Well done on cutting down and now recognising you have a problem with moderation. I can guarantee you won’t regret quitting. I was terrified of being the sober one after always being the biggest drinker in the group. I now realise I was the one embarrassing myself. I was spending a fortune and waking up feeling rough so often, I hate to think of all the wasted money and wasted days off.
I am now happy to avoid loud, crowded nights out and I have made peace with the fact I will never drink again. DH does still drink, I have no problem with alcohol being in the house and not touching it. There was a time I’d have drank anything that was in the house! The savings I’ve made have been amazing. For the first time in my adult life I actually have money left at the end of the month, and that’s after already putting a bit in a separate savings account!

The book The unexpected joy of being sober kept me on track when ever I felt tempted. 2.5 years alcohol free and happy to have made the leap. You can do it!

I too am wanting to cut down and I know what you mean about the evenings being hard...but I only find a certain part of my evening hard... say from 6pm to 8pm... I listen to the sassy sober mum podcast and follow her on Instagram and one lady she interviewed said that at the weekend she buys herself her favourite bag of crisps and a nice alcohol free beverage and then is happy with her bowl of crisps and fizz. I 100% feel relaxed even thinking about this so definitely think she is onto something. I'm going to give 40 days a go over lent starting tomorrow 🤩

One of the big advantages is that you'll have more time and energy by not drinking, so you could take up a new hobby or fitness pursuit in the evenings.

Find something to fill the gap with in advance.

It’s interesting that you think you/ people need alcohol to be interesting. Why is it ‘boring’ to be quieter/ sober?

Drunk people are far more boring than sober people!
Like a pp said they are loud and keep repeating themselves.
You’ll need to find out who you are without alcohol, your likes, dislikes, interests. Find new ways to relax.

Trust me. A drunk is boring! I was one.

“Being the boring sober one when my partner drinks and gets loud” it sounds like you being sober might change the relationship you have with your partner, are they supportive of you cutting down ? Do they want to cut down ? Do you have more in common than just drinking together ?

Read Alcohol Explained by William Porter. Or any of the other good “quit lit” available.

That will help you understand how alcohol actually works and you just won’t want to drink any more.

I assume you don’t think you are boring if you meet with friends for coffee, so really you know you aren’t boring if you’re not drinking alcohol when others are. In fact, you are probably far wittier because your senses haven’t been dulled.

Drunk people are so much more boring than sober people.

I used to think life would be so dreary without a drink. In fact to start with I said I wanted to moderate because I couldn’t bear the idea of life without white wine.

But now I will hand on heart say it’s better.

HOW you approach drinking (not drinking at all or moderating) comes down to how you feel.

How does talking about yourself as “the boring one” make you feel about not drinking? Not that happy, I’d guess! It’s kind of like thinking “this is good for me, I know this is good for me to not drink but it’s so boring…” and what happens then I see so often is you’re kind of holding on for dear life until BOOM something happens, you drink then say “see, told you I couldn’t do it”.

So start by asking why you think you’ll be ‘boring’ if you don’t drink?
How could not drinking make you the most INTERESTING person when out with your friends?

Asking ourselves helpful questions is a great way forward (episode 5 ‘it’s boring to not drink’ and episode 59 ‘dead end questions’ in my podcast called 90 Days Later will help for sure.

Also happy to answer questions

Sometimes a more boring life is a good thing.

OP I totally relate to your post. I worry that I will become boring when sober and, if I'm being honest, I'm also worried that I will find life a little dull without the booze. I love pubs and I love drinking! However there are other things that I love equally, like running and walking, so I'm going to focus on my fitness.

I usually head to the pub after work on a Friday but this week I have booked onto an exercise class and Saturday I intend go do park run (shockingly, I have only been twice in the past six years of being a dinner, due to hangovers!!).

Can you book in some activities that aren't centred around drinking? Perhaps pay in advance or arrange to meet a friend there?

I've started following profiles from the sober community and feel inspired by how positive and fullfilled these people appear to be. And they don't seem boring at all. I want that!

*being a runner 🏃‍♀️ 🙃

Another one coming in to say get into a sport or fitness programme. People with addictive personalities usually stick at it better if their bad habits are replaced with something healthier to be a bit obsessive about.

I haven’t been bored while socialising, and I am definitely less boring myself when sober.

Drunk me repeats herself incessantly and only hears half a story.

I’ve been sober three years and I’ve reframed it as ‘cool’ not to drink, and ‘ordinary’ to drink, as most adults do it, so it’s nothing special.

The people I know who’ve never seen me drunk think it’s ‘impressive’ that I don’t. (They wouldn’t have thought I was impressive if they had seen me!) I genuinely don’t care if anyone’s impressed as that’s not why im sober, but to me it feels strong and individual to go against the tide, definitely not boring.

I also drink non-alc beer as a way of unwinding in the evening. It’s mainly psychological I think.

YY to AF beer. It helps with cravings and I'm happy to stop after one 🙂

Yeah I like to think of myself as a rebel.

And it definitely is cooler to not drink alcohol.