Day 8 sober - depression

[Plainlyme]

8 days sober today, just feel so low, almost empty, finding no enjoyment in anything.

Keep thinking having a drink would make me feel better...but it will put me bacto square one.
Been here many times, I'm determined not to let the drink win anymore.

Hi there!
First of all, well done on Day 8 - you're doing brilliantly. Also, well done on recognising that having a drink will not solve your depression - it will most certainly exacerbate it.
So, a few things you could do....go for a walk, get some fresh air ? Have a bubble bath, some beauty treatments? Are you hungry?
Also, having done 8 days, you will have noticed some benefits...sleeping better? More energy? Lost weight? Skin clearer ? Write them down, and read the list to remind yourself that you have got this and you are winning !
You can do this.
And.....play it forward....you'll hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow....day 9 !! ( much better than if you're back to day 1 )
Let me know how you get on. I'll help you.
❤️

Thank you, I've been for a walk, had a shower and done what I needed to do today.
Yes, the headaches have subsided and I'm finally feeling tired at bed time and getting some sleep. My skin is still abit rubbish but I'm also on my period, which I think is making me feel worse.
It's just this weight I feel, a blanket of sadness. It's making me feel irritable and teary.
Thank you for your support ❤️

Awh, no problem.
You're doing really well. Keep posting if you need to.

Hey, @Plainlyme , how are you feeling this morning?

Hey, I'm feeling alright so far today, thanks for asking.
I kept in mind what you said about today being day 9 instead of day 1 again, that helped alot 😊

That's good to hear.
Well done on Day 9 👏

Hey, @Plainlyme , how are you doing ?

The joy of being sober is that you get your feelings back.

And the worst thing about being sober is that you get your feelings back.

This is a new skill you need to learn - sitting in uncomfortable / painful feelings and waiting until they pass instead of reaching for a drink to squash them.

I used to imagine I was a bendy young tree in a fast flowing river that would get bent and submerged under the torrent but soon the river would subside and I could ping back up to standing; stronger than before.

You're doing so well - are you getting any support??

Just endure the depression without drinking until it improves. Stay the course. Sobriety is worth it!

Back to day 1 😔
I let myself down last night and didn't even enjoy it.
Woke up this morning hungover. I'm feeling bloated n just downright terrible. I caught sight of my reflection earlier, I looked fat and scruffy. I do have nice clothes but they don't fit anymore (alcohol related weight gain) what does fit is scruffy. I can't afford new clothes right now.
I hate my reflection so try to avoid it, I hate how I feel in my own skin.

I let myself down, I do it all the time. I hate myself right now.

Sorry to hear that, op. FWIW almost all successful ex drinkers have had slip ups (often lots of them) on the road to sobriety. You can dust yourself off and get back on the wagon.

Alcohol affects your brain chemistry, making everything seem worse than it really is. Remember that when you're tempted to judge yourself harshly x

Thank you, I know it messes with my head, but I still feel its factual.
I feel like I'm gross.

I know It's up to me to fix it too, no-one else can fix me.
I'm really struggling though with no support 😔

I'm impressed you've got this far. I started trying to he sober then fell off the wagon when I went back to work after Christmas. I seem to rely on alcohol to survive working days. I started the book The Joyful Art of Being Sober. It was brilliant but by the time I finished the preview and bought the full book it was easier to just start drinking again because I was back at work 🙈

What can you do differently this time?

Have you tried to get any help?

There's no (alcoholic) groups in my area, I don't drive n don't wanna take my kids either.
I don't live near family and the one friend I have also drinks.
My partner drinks every evening and is also in a continuous state of "stopping".
I don't know how to stay sober long term. I get no support

You do it for yourself. Remember how awful you felt yesterday morning having woken up after a night drinking. Burn that feeling into your head. Alcohol is not your friend. Absolutely not.
Do not beat yourself up, that's the quickest way back to alcohol. Look ahead.
Take time for yourself where you can. They always say recovering alcoholics need to be the most selfish people alive at first to stay sober, but I know that's impossible with children. So, take the time when you can, minutes here and there. Appreciate those moments and glory in how wonderful they can be.
There are online support groups so you no longer need to be physically somewhere. Many you can just listen in to and not even speak if you'd find that easier - headphones on while tidying or sorting, shopping or walking, no one needs to know what you're listening to.
Most important, alcohol does not help with depression. Not at all. Life and all the hard stuff does become easier once you're free of alcohol. It absolutely takes work but it is absolutely worth it.

Hi OP.

I want to start by saying that what you feel and say is very normal. I coach people on stopping overdrinking and your feelings are very, very common.

Here’s what I would have you do:

Start being kind to yourself. So you overdrink right now. OK, that’s fixable. It doesn’t mean ANYTHING about you as a person. It doesn’t make you bad, or worthless or someone who can’t change. Right? So make “be kind to me” number one priority.

Second, identify why you drink. Write all the reasons out. then see if these are actually factual or if they’re just somethign you say to yourself.For instance people often tell me “I drink because all my family drink” but that is not a fact. But when we say things like that we feel helpless and when we feel helpless we are less willing to back ourselves. So start to see what’s ACTUALLY FACTUALLY TRUE about your drinking vs stories you tell yourself.

Third, start to become super aware of your drinking. When do you drink? How are you feeling? Who are you with? Is it at the same time each day?

By finding this stuff out you can change the habit from the ROOTS up.

I have a podcast called ’90 Days Later’ (on all major platforms) that covers this topic based on how I taught myself to stop overdrinking and it covers topics I cover with my clients. You may want to start with episode 1 ‘Why we drink’.

Happy to answer questions too. So now you have support :-)

Plainlyme · 16/02/2023 20:23
There's no (alcoholic) groups in my area, I don't drive n don't wanna take my kids either.

Op there are loads of meetings online. I appreciate for the first few meetings it maybe more helpful to go a physical meeting, as it were - have you looked on the AA website to see if there’s meeting near you?
You say you don’t drive - would it be possible to get the bus or a lift to a lunchtime meeting? I don’t know how old your children are or if they are at school.

Echoing the PP - zoom meetings are much better than no support at all!!

There's literally a meeting happening somewhere in the world 24 hours a day so if you'd be willing to look into that you need not be alone...

aa-intergroup.org/meetings/

Thank you for your replies, I'm on day 7 now.
I will have a look at virtual meetings but the thought of being on camera to strangers gives me major anxiety.
Taking it day by day and distracting myself when my subconscious tries to justify having a drink is helping.

My triggers tend to be stress, sadness and boredom and the cravings come on every evening. Having fizzy soft drinks is helping and exercise is a fantastic mood lifter.

The biggest thing I'm struggling with at the moment is anxiety, I know it's because my nervous system is in overdrive but I can't stop my head going round n round worrying about everything. Last night my heart was racing. I was trembling and couldn't relax at all. I do feel better today, looking forward to feeling 'normal' whatever that feels like haha its been a while.

I really appreciate your support, it means alot ❤️

The hardest part about giving up for me was the boredom. You don’t realise how alcohol zaps time away and without alcohol the night’s feel like they drag.

My suggestion get a good routine going have a bath and go to bed early or have a dance party each night with your DC something to take the boredom away

Yeah the boredom is.....boring lol
I've been keeping myself busy with deep cleaning and decluttering around the house. It's so rewarding