AIBU to not want to continue sober after 2 years' no drinking?

[Babyloniaroma]

Last night I succumbed to some delicious red wine. I have been sober for over 2 years and we had people over for a meal (with aforesaid delicious red wine). I really enjoyed it but am thinking is it a shame to have broken my sober streak?
For context I did not have a significant drink problem, but decided to stop as I felt I was getting alcohol dependent for dry January, and somehow had the impetus to just keep going. I've read all the books and about the 'journeys' of authors moving from full alcohol-infused lives to better lives without.
I always said that my intention was not ever to drink again, and ideally I would like to enjoy alcohol in moderation. My partner, fortunately, is a moderate drinker.
Has anyone else done this? And have you managed to reset your relation with alcohol to one that you're happy with?

From all I have heard it is likely you will find yourself back at square one and wanting to quit again an a while, having realised again that your relationship with alcohol is an unhealthy one.

my own experience - quit for a year, started again, moderating and feeling like you, two years later quit again as I was sliding into drinking more and feeing crappy. Now over three years sober. I don’t want to start the cycle again.

I did not have a significant drink problem
Not significant, but did have a problem with alcohol?

if you were unable to moderate before I don’t see why you would suddenly be able to moderate now. Some people just can’t.

the people I know who were AF but then thought they could ‘just have one or two’ or ‘just have the occasional drink’ actually couldn’t and did end up worse than before. It’s been very sad to see as they are family members. We have a lot of alcoholics in my family.

Even being a little bit dependent on alcohol is a significant alcohol problem.

Your drink problem doesn’t resolve itself during periods of abstention. It just continues again from where it was when you stopped.

Having had a family member who was an alcoholic and seen the damage they do I'm conflicted on this.

However, I think for a lot of people they can decide I'm drinking too much and move to drinking far less and not reliant. I think it takes a lot of work, people who have had issues with emotional overeating and want to change have to learn to eat 'normally' because food is essential. Good luck.

I think you can either self regulate or you can’t.

if latter you are probably better off not drinking. Sorry.

child of alcoholic

I help people stop overdrinking. Some want to give up, others drink in moderation. So it's possible. The most significant factor when going for moderation is to understand your reasons for drinking.

To understand how you think about drinking and what experience you'll have in life with or without it. Because really the alcohol has no power. It's liquid in a bottle or liquid in a glass.

You talk about 'succumbing' to 'delicious' red wine.

How does that feel vs saying 'I chose to drink red wine'.

The latter is much more neutral, matter-of-fact. If you can get to that position you are well-placed to be able to moderate. Because you see that you are the one creating the experience, not the alcohol. You see you are the one in control always.

Happy to answer questions.

Thanks Brightspice, that's really helpful. At the moment I think I can do that, so I will see how it goes. I do enjoy alcohol and in the same way I enjoy puddings and desserts, (but only eat them occasionally for obvious reasons) I would like to be able to enjoy a drink every now and again.

@Babyloniaroma Thinking about wine in the same way as puddings is a great idea. I often say to people: would you eat one slice of chocolate cake then use that as a reason to eat 3 more slices? No. (And we may even laugh at the idea.) But it's the exact same situation when we lay into 4 glasses of wine. It's just a different thing we're consuming so we have different thoughts about it. That's the only difference!

Well, you didn't choose to drink again, you succumbed.

You already feel a really strong desire to drink again, hence why you have picked up on the one post which said you could choose to moderate and ignored the others.

I wish you well but generally most problem drinkers can't moderate.

I was AF for pregnancy and was so proud of myself as I drank a lot before. I then went back to drinking as much if not more than before after DD was born. Now 2nd baby is due May and I know I just can't start again. Of course it's frustrating and I wish I could moderate but its so much harder to start again from scratch.

I had a massive drink problem from age 17 to 31. I was a functioning alcoholic really. I never drank at weird times but I drank every day, to excess, with people or alone.
When I got with my DH I stopped doing that. Just stopped. I drank one glass of wine maybe, and stopped. And now I barely drink at all but I can easily decide when I'm going to stop in a night out, and I do.
I don't really know how I did it, but I know it's possible.

I think I chose to use the word 'succumbed' as poetic licence - thinking back, I chose to drink the wine, as I got a glass and poured it myself.

I haven't ignored the other posts, I get the message that often it is harder for people to self-regulate and it's easy to deceive ourselves otherwise. But I have seen it can be done - my husband went from drinking 28 units a week down to max 14 a week. He keeps a weekly tally of what he's drinking on the fridge and will adjust accordingly, if say, we've had a social event.

At the outset when I stopped drinking i never intended it would be forever, but it shows me that I can live completely without alcohol if I chose to.

I used to drink well over the weekly recommended amount when younger , and did so for many years . Even though it didnt cause any issues in my life I decided to cut down for long term health and financial reasons .
I have been drinking the same ( reduced ) amount for several years now and have not slipped back to previous levels, as some posters feel is inevitable. I have no desire to give up completely. I really enjoy red wine and am drinking around or under the recommended weekly units for a women.

I think moderation is possible for some , but certainly not for everyone.

I think that the only person who can know whether or not you can moderate is you. You've already shown that you can do without the beast, so this is the next question - can you do what your partner does? And the only way to find out is to try. It's up to you whether or not you want to take that chance.

I'm someone who has gone from drinking too much (45 units a week) to successful moderation. With ease. The only reason I do Dry January is because alcohol killed my husband and my mother and I feel it is important to honour their memory.

IMO a mindful attempt at moderation would not be too high risk for you.

So true

A curfew will no double cause you to be called out for unreasonable behaviour and being controlling towards another adult.
As much better way would be to calm discussion and discuss the concerns, our first as a male, I was worried something would go wrong and had a few drinks to unwind. I discussed these with my partner and we came to a compromise that transport covered and not rolling drunk.(couple of pints at home or locally)

Mine was a coping strategy at the time it kept me from my worries working away from home. 6-10 pints a night
Being able to voice worries and home each evening sorted it to recreational occasionally drinking.

Hi @Babyloniaroma - hope you are well. I stumbled across your thread and wondered if you did decide to decide to start drinking again but moderate? How are you getting on?