So how long does he have...

[Anonymum40]

My brother in law has given in to his alcoholism 100%. He's been a heavy drinker for years but we never realised how bad it was - he lives 200 miles away and he controlled his partner and kids to put on a charade of happy families for the past decade or more.

Things escalated when he lost his job last March and then his partner kicked him out. He's now living alone. My DH is with him trying to care for him but he eats nothing, weighs about 9 stone and just drinks, sleeps and smokes all day. He doesn't even bother communicating with DH who is staying at the house.

He refuses all help and says he is resigned to dying. My poor DH is in total shock and horror. We only found out about the situation and the charade 6 months ago and now he appears to be at deaths door.

What on earth do you we do in this situation? I feel absolutely terrible for his partner and kids - and feel we let them all down terribly - but they are done with him, they don't care anymore. Well, of course they do care, but they are sick of it all.

Has anyone been in this situation - what's gonna happen next? What can we do? I worry that if he did fall unconscious or get really ill he wouldn't be able to raise an alarm...

And how on earth do I support my poor husband?

From experience when they stop eating and drink from morning til night it can be about 2- 3 months. Not my family but I close friends parent. I met them in March and their parent died in December. during that time they went into hospital and got help but as soon as they were out started again. Tried to intervene several times and force feed them etc. from Oct-December took a bit of a step back and let them do what they were determined to do. Sadly passed away on their couch drunk.

it’s really really really hard as no matter how much you want to help/ change them, they need to do it themselves.

Oh God, 2-3 months, how scary. There has been too much loss in our family recently...

have you tried an intervention with a doctor?

my friend had to get his parent admitted to a psychiatric hospital due to his determination to drink all day and not eat.

Can he be sectioned? They may not be able to save him but worth trying?

I don't think they will section him, his doctor knows the situation. My DH writes to the doctor all the time. They don't treat people who don't want treatment, BIL is an adult with a free will. I do think the alcohol has addled his brain at this stage though.

Ah OP. This is so tough. I have to say that in my experience it has generally been around 3 months max when they reach this stage. It's difficult though because everyone's bodies are built differently. I have known people carry on in this kind of semi-existing state for years, then I have known a couple who went to hospital on the first sign that something was seriously wrong and unfortunately never left.

Unfortunately I have known many people with diagnosed cirrhosis (it seems very prevalent in our circles) and for every one who uses their diagnosis as a kick up the arse to get healthy, there have been several more who basically give up, either because they don't have the strength to do otherwise or because their alcoholism is a form of self-harm and is essentially a prolonged suicide. I have buried far too many friends and family members over the last few years. Ultimately there is nothing you can do to help if he won't help himself - it may be too late for a transplant and even if it weren't he would need to be completely abstinent for months/years before being considered. It sounds incredibly harsh but the best thing you can do is to try and guard your heart and detach as best you can while supporting your DH and your BIL's family. It's a fucking awful disease and my heart goes out to you and your family xx

Sadly it's a choice they make themselves, you can't make him stop. My youngest brother died from alcoholism a few years ago. His wife had left him and he never saw his kids again, but in the end alcohol was the only thing he wanted. He died from stage 4 cirrhosis, all alone, and wasn't found for a few days. It broke our hearts to see what he became.

DH hospitalised last May, BMI 16, couldn't stand or walk.... they detoxed and rehydrated him then sent him home so he could start all over again.

He died two weeks ago after two weeks in ICU. Decompensated cirrhosis and malnutrition ☹️. He had ascites and kidney failure. Only able to sit up once in that time and that was with help. He then had to go back on high flow oxygen because it was too much for him. He couldn't speak.

Someone on here used the expression "stealing his rock bottom " and I've done that repeatedly. I don't know whether it was the right thing to do.

He was a very attractive, much loved, intelligent man but he chose alcohol over two marriages, three children, a career and our home.

I left and it was definitely the right thing to do, but it's destroyed our adult children.

I've spent years trying to police his drinking (and all his other addictions), and I don't like who it's turned me into.

Hi.
I've lost both my mum and my dad to alcoholism. My mum in 2018, and my dad in December 2022..

Just know that no matter what you say or Tey to do you WILLNOT change him. I can tell you I tried for years and years to save my parents.

My mum died of multiple organ failure, she also stopped eating, but had suffered with anorexia her whole life.. before she was admitted to hospital, she struggled with her walking. And she also had alcoholic dementia.
My dad had alot of health problems due to his alcoholism and and towards the end wasn't a nice man.

My parents have severely effected my mental health, and I would never touch a drop of alcohol again after seeing what it has done to the 2 people who are suppost to be there for me.

I tried to get them into rehab, especially my mum, but I honestly don't think any of them wanted the help, because no matter what I tried it never worked.

I'm sorry your going through this. Alcohol should be illegal, how can something that chnages peoples personalities and damaging be so enjoyed by so many people. I hate alcohol