Feeling so embarrassed/awkward to say no I’m not drinking

[Pollypower]

I have quit alcohol in the past - longest time was 3 months and each time seem to return to it even harder than before.

not a daily drinking by any means - just a binge drinker and with a lot of reflection absolutely sick of the hangovers/anxiety/fear that follows my drinking. Also absolutely done with counting down til a Saturday evening when I can open the wine.

I have been sober for 3 weeks (I know early days). Calling it dry January but full intentions of extending it longer.

I feel so embarrassed and ashamed awkward however to say “I’ve stopped drinking”.

my OH is my drinking buddy. He doesn’t understand and already has called me boring. I can deal with that by just proving to him I’m not boring and can still enjoy myself.

the issue is other people. We don’t go out that much with friends but when we do it’s a heavy night. We have a party this weekend to attend with friends. I really would rather not go but aware that I’ll need to push myself outside my comfort zone if this is going to be a long term thing.

already friends are saying to me “come on! We hardly get to see each other just have a drink etc”. My excuse of dry Jan doesn’t seem to be enough.

it’s easier said than done to just not drink but this is a party I will have to endure for 4-5 hours.

OH has already said he won’t be leaving early because I’m not drinking and I also wouldn’t want him to.

im already struggling to see how it’s worth it. I’m now filled with dread for Saturday night and all the pressure I will get. Already OH has said even if you drove and decide to drink just leave the car.

previously I can always stop and be fine. I reap so many rewards and know I can’t continue the way I was. I can’t moderate despite feeling when I’m on a break that maybe this will change me.

I black out, I say things I regret, I neglect my children, I ruin my weekend with a hangover. There is so many reasons not to drink yet I already have the voice telling me it would be easier to drink to avoid the awkwardness I’ll feel on Saturday night.

I don’t want to not go either.

help.

I don’t drink because I don’t like alcohol. Just say that you don’t like alcohol and feel better for avoiding it. You might get you’re boring comments but ignore this. Others will join you in not drinking after awhile. You are leading the way for your OH to cut down and your friends too. Get a flask and put a soft drink in it or a herbal tea and take that round to friends houses. It will also stop them putting alcohol in your soft drink.

People soon get used to it, they spend 10 mins going 'oh go on just one' etc, then get bored and move on - I know this because I've been there.

I don't drink a lot at all now, and can easily go out with my friends who are having pint after pint and shot after shot and me only have 1 or 2 ciders - because they aren't dicks, they get that I don't WANT to drink and so leave it. It doesn't stop me seeing them it doesn't stop me having fun,

the difference is - My DH would never call me a bore, or be against it - he puts away enough too, and we also met in our 20s and didn't have kids until our 30s and alcohol was a HUGE part of the 7 years we were together pre kids, but these things change.

Seeing as you have insight into being the one doing the pressuring, what would have helped you accept that someone wasn’t drinking?

I have friends who don’t drink and don’t pressure them at all. So maybe you need to gently start exploring new connections where alcohol isn’t the focus. Your partner could be a problem though if he is not supportive.

I stopped drinking for a year a few years ago. I had a couple of people try to persuade me to drink on a night out. It was really annoying. I would drink 0% alcohol beer to blend in. They would forget and leave me alone as soon as they started to get drunk!

Maybe you should apologise to the people you pressured to drink, explain how you feel now and how you realise you put them into difficult positions. Then you can say that since you've realised how your life is when you drink, you need to stop and would appreciate understanding instead of pressure.

You're either going to have to actually speak to them or just stop seeing them until you're more confident at saying no and not right at the beginning of recovery.

I do drink. But I don't ever feel the need to drink to excess. It drives me nuts the way that people presume that alcohol is the one and only thing that makes an occasion enjoyable.

They're not really true friends if they're not supportive of your efforts to change your behaviour. They're enablers. Same with your partner.

My uncle is an alcoholic, thankfully sober for nearly 20 years. He just says "no thank you, I'm in recovery".

Just ends the conversation instantly and no one has ever asked him twice. Or funnily enough asked him to expand on it.

I've been sober over 3 years. DH still drinks.

I did have to make it clear to him that for me, I needed to stop, there was no middle ground available to me anymore, it was clear. But once I did that, I had his 100% support. I think you're going to struggle if he isn't on board.

Friends, just shut them up with blunt honesty. I don't like who I am when I drink, I don't have good control, so thanks, but no thanks. Lesser friends, just no thanks, I don't drink, 'anymore'.

Walk away from anyone who can't accept that.

It would do my head in for people to question my drinking choices. What's it got to do with them? Stand your ground OP.

just say you've developed a condition and been told not to drink. I've been pretty much tee-total all my life anyway but have been put on beta blockers for ectopic heart beats. I've been advised not to drink and no caffeine either! I understand it's difficult though - until i had my first child and was breastfeeding my parents would say "you'll like wine when you're older!"

Good luck, you are a strong person who knows your own mind.I don’t drink for medical reasons and put up with people’s comments I just ignore.Drinkers always want others to join in.It justifies them drinking.Think of how much money you will save take your children for a wonderful day out which they will prefer to a drunk mother for sure.Your partner will have to get on with it you stay strong,you can do it.