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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Am I drinking too much ?

26 replies

Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 02:37

This has been playing on my mind for a while. I’m trying to figure out if I’m drinking very excessively or just the social norm !
Im a happily married mum of 2 girls in my early 40s.
My family have always been “drinkers” and it’s comes with any social occasion , but not dependent.
I always used to be around 1 bottle a week 2/glasses in fri and sat night.
over recent months I’ve realised my consumption is higher than it used to be. I work part time do lunch and dates with friends which always involved a glass or 2.
if we go to friends on a weekend (probs once a month I’ll drink a bottle and a half) then during the week I’ll have 2 glasses wine per night to unwind- I really enjoy it - I don’t get drunk during the week, but can when seeing friends and drinking a bottle and a half ! I don’t drink anything else so I’m unsure if it’s because wine still makes me very tipsy after a bottle ! Or because this is way too much.
I can not drink on an eve and often do / but it’s part of my wind down evening routine. I’ve never ever hidden or sneakily had a drink or require it in a morning etc !
all and of our social friendship circles involve drinking - I’ve never failed in my duties to parent or let my kids down but I know they have seen my fairly drunk and sometimes I pick arguments with my husband when I’m drunk which I can’t remember the day after.

im not sure what I’m looking for here … I always say to my hubby oh I’ll have a week off and he is like your fine you enjoy a glass or 2 in an eve to relax it’s not a problem … but I’m wondering if it is

OP posts:
YerAWizardHarry · 04/01/2023 02:39

I think if you drink every day you’ve got a problem to be honest

LokiCokey · 04/01/2023 02:57

You're drinking at least 30 units a week based in the info provided and NHS guidelines is 14 so based on that you need to cut down for your health...

I only drink very occasionally but appreciate that's not necessarily typical either...

RobertsRadio · 04/01/2023 02:58

I think you are drinking too much and it sounds like it could be a problem.

I remember my mother being drunk and picking fights and being totally irrational and then bursting into tears at some imagined slight or criticism. I used to dread her starting on the wine because she could never just have one glass and we would all be waiting for inevitable to happen. Even as an adult it used to piss me off having to always be the one driving so she could drink and then having to wait while she finished the bottle. Drunks are a bore.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:05

Yes that sounds awful / although I would clarify this is not a regular occurrence at all but I’m upset with myself for doing it to my husband. I’m not getting to this level on a regular basis but the fact it’s happened is now triggering me to stop and think.

OP posts:
Youarethesun · 04/01/2023 03:08

So you drink 2 glasses of wine most (or every) nights. Then sometimes a bottle and a half on a weekend night. Plus lunch dates with a couple, are these lunch dates often?

The drinking every night or most nights isn’t recommended.

I think once alcohol becomes ‘part of my wind down routine’ or feeling unable to have a break, you really need to look at having a break.

The whole ‘I pick fights sometimes when drunk’ is a sign you really should be not getting drunk.

Nat6999 · 04/01/2023 03:09

You need at least 2 alcohol free nights & only drink 14 units a week. Why not try alcohol free wine? There are some excellent ones, then just have the alcohol at weekends.

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:16

Yes most nights (but not every night) although almost over the Xmas period. The lunch dates are once a week but then I won’t have any in the evening.
I agree on picking fights is what’s making me stop and think as obviously this is unacceptable behaviour- but it’s rare this happens but it has . However I’m aware I only drink wine it affects my tolerance (ie I get drunk fairly easily if we are out socialising with friends once every 4-6 weeks ). But yes I of course agree this is not good.

OP posts:
LPVV · 04/01/2023 03:18

OP - why not try to give up for a bit just to see if you can? That will be your answer.

mathanxiety · 04/01/2023 03:18

Yes, you're drinking too much.

And you are using a drug to deal with stress.

There are better ways to wind down; what would work for you?

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:23

I’m really not sure I’m stressed though ! Happy relationship, work part time , no financial worries etc …. But yes I need to find an alternative it’s just become the norm !

OP posts:
Original poster
Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:26

LPVV · 04/01/2023 03:18

OP - why not try to give up for a bit just to see if you can? That will be your answer.

Yes I should probably try ! … so much of my social circle involves it though … I think i should try non during the week and weekends only

OP posts:
YellowMonday · 04/01/2023 03:28

If you are questioning you're drinking too much, you're drinking too much.

I'm always concerned when I hear someone drinks daily, uses booze to unwind/relax, and social activities mainly involve booze. You've raised all my red flags.

I love a G&T, but I don't drink every day or evening. Going out with friends for brunch or lunch or even dinner doesn't mean I'll always drink or even none of us do to be honest. Sometimes we include a boozy brunch, but this say a few times a year. I do enjoy a night out, certainly with too many drinks, but this isn't a weekly or fortnightly event.

You can always try a "dry" challenge, and just see how you go, both mentally and physically. I supported a friend last year doing dry January (time of year a great "excuse" to use losing the holidays weight). By the end of the month she was sleeping well, using exercise and meditation to wind down/relax, and her skin became clear and glowing. She does drink now, but more like me rather than every day. And enjoys the extra money on fun treats like massages and facials.

LemonTreeSkies · 04/01/2023 03:33

Look up Clear Minds Hypnotherapy
it’s helped a lot of people cut down or quit the booze

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:38

YellowMonday · 04/01/2023 03:28

If you are questioning you're drinking too much, you're drinking too much.

I'm always concerned when I hear someone drinks daily, uses booze to unwind/relax, and social activities mainly involve booze. You've raised all my red flags.

I love a G&T, but I don't drink every day or evening. Going out with friends for brunch or lunch or even dinner doesn't mean I'll always drink or even none of us do to be honest. Sometimes we include a boozy brunch, but this say a few times a year. I do enjoy a night out, certainly with too many drinks, but this isn't a weekly or fortnightly event.

You can always try a "dry" challenge, and just see how you go, both mentally and physically. I supported a friend last year doing dry January (time of year a great "excuse" to use losing the holidays weight). By the end of the month she was sleeping well, using exercise and meditation to wind down/relax, and her skin became clear and glowing. She does drink now, but more like me rather than every day. And enjoys the extra money on fun treats like massages and facials.

Yes I agree thank you - if I’m questioning it I probably have my answer already ! It’s just very normal and what we do with our friends so tricky ! But agree I need to have a period of dryness !

OP posts:
Youarethesun · 04/01/2023 03:38

Melmimi28 · 04/01/2023 03:26

Yes I should probably try ! … so much of my social circle involves it though … I think i should try non during the week and weekends only

Show quote history

But you say lunch is once a week. Visiting friends is once a month and maybe one other night out every 4-6 weeks.

You could easily not drink on every other day. That would be most days. Or even cut out drinking most nights at home. Just once or twice a week.

You could also just have one glass of wine with lunch. Or not drink a bottle and a half when visiting friends homes.

There’s loads of ways you could cut down and half more alcohol free evenings.

FromEden · 06/01/2023 06:31

I would cut out the midweek drinking for a while and not feel guilty about social drinks with friends! Drinking everyday isn't good for you so at least try to have 2 consecutive days off

Fundays12 · 06/01/2023 06:41

You are drinking too much and possibly heading towards an alcohol problem long term. My dad used to drink every night and I hated it plus it inevitably damaged his liver as his tolerance for higher for alcohol he needed more and more to get that hit. I started drinking more over Christmas (4 to 5 nights a week for a couple of weeks) and felt awful. I started on dry January on the 1st and my skin is already much better plus I have lost the Christmas bloat. Honestly OP you need to cut down or find a new hobby. I have girly lunches a few times a year that involve alcohol but more often than not catch ups with friends involve breakfast and coffee. Alcohol daily is not healthy and you are heading down a slippery slope.

Fuuuuuckit · 06/01/2023 06:43

How much is this costing op?

A coupe of glasses a night, a bottle and a half at the weekend is 5 bottles opened per week. Even cheap wine is costing you say £30 a week. Add in a couple of wines at bar/restaurant prices for your lunches out and that's another £15 or more.

Nearly £200 a month (if not more, assuming you're being honest about your actual consumption) adds up over the year.

And that's before you factor in the fights, the memory gaps, the affect on your kids seeing you drunk and arguing,and the impact on your health.

tribpot · 06/01/2023 06:43

I think it's quite normal for other people who don't want to examine their drinking habits to reassure you that yours are fine. I would take that kind of advice with a pinch of salt - the underlying rationale is 'if you're drinking too much, then so am I - and I don't want to do anything about that'.

You've recognised that you are drinking too much, and that alcohol is negatively impacting your life. It sounds as if the hardest place to cut out booze completely is over these social lunches so it seems sensible to start by cutting out booze at home completely, and then making sure you're pacing yourself much more over these lunches. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water at the same time, so you're not drinking wine to quench your thirst.

Good luck - I think you'll definitely feel a benefit in cutting down and rethinking how you use alcohol.

lmnabc · 06/01/2023 06:52

I drink 1.5-2 glasses of wine every night and know it's too much . I use it to unwind after work as well. This week I've cut it down to strictly 1 glass and next week it will be half a glass, then hopefully nothing.

I accept that wine has become a habit but. I'm not a tea or coffee drinker in the evening. I need to break the habit and maybe find a soft drink to sit down with

YellowMonday · 06/01/2023 11:06

lmnabc · 06/01/2023 06:52

I drink 1.5-2 glasses of wine every night and know it's too much . I use it to unwind after work as well. This week I've cut it down to strictly 1 glass and next week it will be half a glass, then hopefully nothing.

I accept that wine has become a habit but. I'm not a tea or coffee drinker in the evening. I need to break the habit and maybe find a soft drink to sit down with

There's some really great no or essentially no wines and spirts out there now. I really enjoy a few of the zero alcohol gins, when I'm craving a G&T but don't want the booze.

Could be an option to help cut out mid week drinking.

Greatly · 06/01/2023 11:08

sometimes I pick arguments with my husband when I’m drunk which I can’t remember the day after

This is the main takeaway from your post. Blackouts and personality changes are a sign that your drinking is problematic.

BluIsTheColour · 06/01/2023 13:22

Can I just say as someone with experience of an alcoholic in the family. This is how is starts.

A glass or 2 every night turns in to a bottle and so on. Nip it in the bud now and just drink socially. Gd u have recognised it at this point. Lots of people don't and think well I just enjoy a glass or 2 I could stop easily if I wanted to (but they don't).

Original poster
Melmimi28 · 06/01/2023 22:12

Agree with all the comments ! I’m definitely going to start by no mid week drinking and go from there :) will try some non alcohol alternatives

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 06/01/2023 22:32

I'm not criticising because I've been there but when there is such a lot of angst about the idea of not drinking, then there is a problem.

What helped me, OP, was to take a double dose of vitamin B complex to help me unwind, because alcohol depletes the vitamin B in our system, meaning that the cure is causing the problem