Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice.
Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention; if you think your problem could be acute, do so immediately. Even qualified doctors can't diagnose over the internet, so do bear that in mind when seeking or giving advice.
Alcohol support
I'm worried my friend is an alcoholic, can I help her?
beingsunny · 23/12/2022 10:12
My oldest friend, of 25 years I'm worried is a functioning alcoholic.
She drinks every day, and a light day would be just one bottle of wine, I've seen her get through 3 of an evening, which as a 5ft2 woman is obviously a lot.
She has mentioned cutting back or having a healthy no alcohol week at times and then I call her and she's drunk.
She has a good job, is financially stable and on the surface it all seems ok but I'm worried, her father was an alcoholic and eventually died from it when she was late 20s.
Is there anything I can actually do to help, will talking to her about my worry for her actually help or will she just step back from me, I don't want to create a worse situation as we live overseas and are like one another's family here.
Has anyone been in a similar situation, do you have any advice?
Dedontdodatderdode · 23/12/2022 10:50
Honestly, coming from a family with several alcoholics, you can’t help an alcoholic unless they want to stop drinking and actually want to be helped.
By all means speak to her about your concerns but there isn’t really a lot you can do.
Notonyournellykelly · 23/12/2022 10:56
I think you should mention your concerns, but there isn't really much you can do to help her. This is sooooo cliché, but true; she is the only one who can help her.
I had a close relative die quite young from complications due to alcoholism. Things which helped her we're finding faith (yes really). She was a very strong atheist before but she suddenly wanted to speak to a vicar she knew from childhood and the time she spent with him gave her so much peace. Whether you hate religion or not, that really did help her. Obviously isn't for everyone though.
The other thing was joining AA. Again, it isn't for everyone, but she liked it and found a little community. She did manage to quit drinking, but sadly, the damage was done and she died a couple of months after getting sober for the final time.
She had many stints in hospital where she would come out looking 20 years younger and so amazing but would sadly go back to her old ways pretty quickly. This went on for many years of heavy, heavy drinking btw, so your friend is most likely not at this point as you say she is still functioning well.
It's very difficult to witness that sort of thing though. I think you should tell her you are worried so that she can't laugh it off. She doesn't drink a 'normal' quantity at all. But accept it isn't your responsibility and you probably cannot make her change if she doesn't want to💐💐
bluejelly · 23/12/2022 14:34
The other posters are right. You can't help her. It's a journey she needs to go on, not you.
Have you read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober? Great book, raw and honest but also funny and weirdly life-affirming. Perhaps it could give you some insight into where your friend is at - and how she might get to a better place?
Ahnobother · 23/12/2022 14:59
I don't have experience of alcoholism to this extent so apologies if it is a crap idea but just wondering if you could open a conversation with her by suggesting you do dry January together?
I have a close friend whose drinking was getting out of control and that method has worked for her in the last year or so. We all started to cut down in January and a bunch of us did SoberOctober too. No direct conversations other than we are all getting older and couldn't handle small children the morning after.
She socialises a lot with work and has decided herself to not drink at a lot more events this year.
beingsunny · 23/12/2022 19:59
Thanks everyone for your replies, I had a feeling there wasn't really anything I can say to help and she needs to get there herself, it's just becoming difficult to watch and do nothing.
I will suggest dry January as something we could do together, worst case, if she can't manage it, she may think about why.
At some point though I will have to talk to her about my concerns, she would expect me to, I just don't want her to push me away.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.