Partner has a drinking problem, affecting our relationship badly

[Ruby2328]

Hey mums, just wondering how you’s would go about handling this situation or have you been through something similar, me and my partner have been together 4 years, we have an 8 month old child together, he’s 26 and I’m 22, my problem with him is that everytime we have an occasion to go to he gets absolutely wasted, so bad so he embarrasses us infront of our friends/ family, he always takes drinking too far, now I don’t think he’d be considered an alcoholic as he only drinks usually on occasions but still it’s making me hate going out with him, I’m always the one or else our friends that is left looking after him, last time we went out he broke his leg which has left him on crutches the past two months going on three, the other day we went to a family members birthday, he promised me he wouldn’t get drunk that he’d take it easy seems as last time he was drunk he really injured himself which has impacted him seeing our daughter and doing things together as a family, (we don’t live together) but what does he do, he goes and buys the same 70cl of alcohol that he drank last time when he broke his leg, drinks majority of it, and starts causing a scene at the party, hopping through the hotel reception with no shoe or sock on or no crutches, tries to jump in front of a car, resulting in his friend pulling him onto the path, his friend was covered in muck and hurt his hand trying to pull him in off the road, he was covered in muck and was soaking from the rain, Left me sitting in my friends hotel room cause he made my anxiety so bad, we could hear him going mad in our hotel room, I just don’t know where to go from here or what to do, I really do love him when he’s not drunk but it’s pissing me off so much, We rarely get to go out since becoming parents but now when we do his selfish actions ruin it and leave me pissed off with him and then he starts getting defensive saying he’s sad that his parents died when he was a child this and that but he does absolutely nothing to help himself, he says he’s going to try talk to someone professional but he never does, I just think it’s ridiculous a man of his age getting so drunk he ruins everyone’s night as everyone feels like they need to look after him, it’s draining, these are just some of the recent times he’s done this but now it’s getting out of hand especially when he promises not to

Sadly it's time for the relationship to end if he won't do anything to change it.

I agree with @CloseYourEyesAndSee

Did his parents drink?
Was he brought up around heavy drinking?
He could have some counselling but if he's addicted he needs to be serious and give up drink all together which is extremely hard.

@Snnowflake yes his 2 older brothers both are heavy drinkers

If he doesn't recognise that it is a problem and he has no intention of changing. Therefore you have to decide if you want to continue dealing with the aftermath.

It doesn't get easier... Even where the person recognises there is an issue it is hard work and you can never be at ease where alcohol is about.

You have 2 choices.

1. you stay together and carry on stressed and anxious for years until either you do split up or he dies from drinking. And you also adversley affect your dc's memories forever.
2. you say I'm done with this, you'll never change, there'll always be an excuse to drink. And you have a less stressful life and teach your dc healthy boundaries.

Your 22, don't waste your youth . You won't get it back again.
And he is an alcoholic btw. He's choosing drink over you. Eventually he won't have any friends either because whilst you may put up with it his friends wives won't.

@Unescorted he said he’s going to stop drinking but I just feel like he won’t, I’m so upset as we have a young child together 💔

He won’t stop drinking, it will continue, and your child will grow up seeing it.
You are both very young, move on.

Leave him. He does not want to change.
You will give your child a much better life if you're not spending yours worrying about him.

Your young dc is relying on you to protect them.
My gf was an alcoholic, he died when I was 2.
However my dm is permanently affected and consequently so am I because she is an adult child of an alcoholic father, it impacts her every day.
It's not just your dc who will suffer, it's their dc too.

My SIL is like this, every event is an excuse to get absolutely wasted & it ruins every get together.

I dont invite her anywhere anymore. She's been so drunk she's ruined her own kids Christmas.

I'm on edge now if I'm ever around her and alcohol, she simply cannot stop herself. Now she has kids and cant go out as much, she just gets wasted at home instead.

My advice, leave him. He wont change. My SIL is 2 decades into this crap, late 30s and still drinking like a teenager.

He is an alcoholic. Just because he isn’t intoxicated continually, doesn’t mean he’s not an alcoholic. It’s seriously adversely affecting his (& your) life. He’s already been injured due to it. He will start losing friends at the rate he’s going, I’m surprised he hasn’t already TBH.

FWIW, my DH used to be similar. Regular heavy drinking but could be sober in between for a few days. I told him if he wanted to live in a bottle that was his choice but I wasn’t staying around to watch him waste his life. He sorted himself out & was sober for over a year, now sometimes has a couple of beers on a weekend night but never gets drunk. It’s possible but hard, depends on their priorities.

You have to put yourself & your child first. The only possible way your DH might change is by seeing he will lose you if he doesn’t. And even then it might not be enough. My father is an alcoholic… my mother never put her foot down, I wish she had. That’s why I stuck to the hard line with DH & why he knew I meant it. I packed his bags & everything.

If his 2 brothers drink heavily then it is normalised. Hard to get him to admit that he and they have a serious problem.

I think it can be a self esteem thing. That socialising is actually a bit stressful for them - so possibly counselling might help. This is because I used to drink too much - though not to his extent - and I think I was anxious. The drinking was to help with that.

It breaks my heart the thought of leaving him and breaking our family, I just wish he’d stop altogether, he’s a great person when he doesn’t drink but when he does he takes it too far and it’s wrecking my head, thanks for your replies, I just don’t know how he’s going to sort himself out, he said he’s going to just completely stop but when he’s saying it to me it’s as if he’s annoyed like a child when they’re being given out to by their parents 🙄

If doesn’t matter if he’s “an alcoholic”. God I hate that term….the point is does he have a problem with drink and yes he does.

he sounds disgusting OP you won’t be able to do anything about it and he’ll only get worse until he wants to change. Don’t waste any more of your life on him.