Hate it all, but carry on

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After once again, getting too drunk at the weekend and making a fool of myself, I’m sat here nursing a 3 day hangover. About 1/10 times a go out, I get stupidly drunk.
Despite that, if I didn’t have to drive this evening, I’d happily get myself a glass of wine at 4, once the laptop closes.
I used to blame craving a glass of wine when I got in from my stressful job, but I now work from home. Now I’m blaming the boredom and loneliness.
My husband is embarrassed, he can go months without a drink and doesn’t make a twat of himself when out, my teen DS also thinks I’m a dick when I drink.
The thing is, I like the feeling of being slightly tispsy/drunk, so can’t motivate myself to be totally sober. I really do believe I should be able to be like a normal person and enjoy a glass with a meal or on a night out, why can’t I?!
I can’t access support such as we are with you as I work in a professional area, knowing most of the staff there. Rang my GP, told me to contact we are with you.
I know the underlying reason/s I’m getting off my tits, but I’m not ready to address then, yet, although working towards it. I’ve got a telephone appointment in a week or so, still unsure if I will address the mess inside.
Looking online, it seems I am an alcoholic, but how do I begin to accept this myself?

You say you want to be able to enjoy a glass of wine with a meal or when you go out but also say you are thinking of wine as soon as the laptop closes.

So the drinking you want to have isn't the same as what you are thinking regularly.

I like being a bit tipsy but as many say I opened a bottle of wine, nice researched grown up wine, but still wine and would happily finish the bottle.

But I was focused on trying to be "just tipsy", just at weekend, with no pending engagements to savour and enjoy. And focused just on that. So I now have a bottle - bottle and a half, over the whole of the weekend. Not every weekend but many now. Because that is the feeling I wanted. As soon as I thought "I just need to give up completely" I craved it more. So that train of thought doesn't work for me. But only drinking a bit, the glasses I want to, that works better.

The next step is to cut down a bit more. So not every Friday if I am already content enough, or only Friday or Saturday. That sort of thing. Which I feel I can do now after some success with making a bottle last for 3 "sessions"

I would encourage you to consider quitting completely. I did so nearly 8 months ago and it's amazing to be free from the mental obsession and tedious cycle of trying (and failing) to moderate, anxiety over things done when drunk, and physical pain of hangovers.

Alcohol is an addictive substance and so it's naturally difficult for some of us to successfully moderate, as it would be any other drug, a better life awaits without alcohol. X

If you drink to avoid physical withdrawal symptoms you need the help of a doctor. It is dangerous to just stop drinking if this is you.

If you just overdrink it is totally possible to stop consuming so much - whether you just want to cut back or quit entirely.

Start by knowing that there's a very, very logical reason why you overdrink. It'a not because you're not normal or you're a bad person.

The reason we drink is to feel an emotion we do not feel in the emotion (eg relaxed when we're stressed) or to stop feeling an emotion we're feeling in the moment (eg frustrated). The drinking is just a symptom. Changing the action of drinking (ie simply not drinking) will likely not last in the long-term because you'll end up using willpower and the emotions you want to drink over are still there.

Instead of asking things like "why can't I drink like a normal person" (no such thing), ask why you drink and why you want to stop. In fact you say you know why you drink. This is where you need to start, even though you say you're not ready to yet.