Really need some support

[LucyLou96]

I know I need to stop, but I can’t seem to genuinely want to. I am drinking more and more, I had half a bottle of gin last night but no traditional hangover, just pain in my right side / liver area. I was still drunk when I woke up and slurring some of my words. My side hurts but I’m already planning when I can next get drunk, despite knowing it will make my liver worse. I feel numb when I’m sober, but when I drink I feel more alive and feel my emotions more fully. I want to be able to cut down and enjoy just a couple of glasses of wine every now and then, but every time I stop drinking for a while and have one drink, it escalates again to the point where I’m having enormous quantities of alcohol in secret. I don't like the idea of AA meetings but am not sure what else is out there

Sounds like you lack willpower and can’t be trusted to have “just a few” just yet! I think AA/professional help would be your best bet if you can’t stop.

DH and I love an evening wine, but it was creeping up and up! Then it was wine and a gin/whisky chaser. He quit entirely for something like six months and now just had the occasional drink. I cannot be trusted and will drink the whole bottle! So either I’ll get a bottle and accept I’ll drink it all! Or abstain completely. I’ve cut down hugely though as felt so much better and lost a bit of weight.

Do you have any alcohol free days? Would you speak to your G.P?

You are right, I have almost no willpower at the moment as some awful things have been going on in my life lately and I turned to drinking again to cope. I thought if it’s not in the house it would be easier but last night I went and got a new bottle and didn’t even try to stop myself, it’s like I don’t care how ill this could be making me, I just thought f**k it. I know I can’t be trusted either, if I have a bottle of wine I either pass out from being so drunk or manage to finish the whole bottle then pass out. I try to have alcohol free days but haven’t managed to for about a week now. I don’t really want to speak to my GP about it, I’m scared they’ll run tests and discover I have liver cirrhosis

You don't need willpower to change so don't worry about that.

First, though: are you drinking to avoid withdrawal symptoms, OP? If you don't drink do you get the shakes and so on? If this happens, I really encourage you to go and get medical help. It can be dangerous to just stop drinking in this situation.

If not, I have pointers that I can share.

Yes, are you experieicing withdrawal that will depend on best options.

But really, you need to get sober, not drink at all. Not cut down. I don't think that's going to be an option for you, certainly not any time soon.

I'm sober over 3 yrs, no AA, at home detox.

I don’t think I have ever had withdrawal, but have had some awful hangovers in the past like anxiety, heart palpitations, shaking and sweating etc. How have you managed to get sober at home without AA? Every time I have tried not drinking I last maximum a few months then just have one and it spirals from there

You start by getting super conscious about when and where you drink. If you're anything like I was, I would have a glass of wine in my hand before I even knew what was happening. You also need to have a super strong compelling reason why you want to cut back/quit. Many people say things like "my health" which sounds good and may even be true, but thinking about your health at 7pm on a Friday evening when you want to kick back and have fun will probably not cut it. So you need to come up with a reason that is sooooo strong and compelling it's stronger than ANYTHING your brain will tell you when it wants a drink.

I have a podcast called 90 Days Later that covers loads of short topics that I found useful and that my clients use too so if you want to start learning "how" to do it, that would be a good place to start. Each episode is about 15-25ish minutes with stuff you can put into practice immediately.

It's not easy but it's SO worth it. And the discomfort you'll feel as you're dealing with cravings is short-lived if you set to and are prepared to practice changing your response.Happy to answer questions.

some awful things have been going on in my life lately and I turned to drinking again to cope

I've been there OP, was going through unimaginable worry and stress with family etc and drinking was my 'crutch'....only it wasn't really, in fact it was numbing me for a few hours only to make everything 100 times worse the next day (or from 3am that same night onwards)

Trust me when I tell you this - you will be able to cope in a way you would never have thought possible if you give up alcohol. You will become more stable, level headed and free of anxiety, yes the worries and problems may remain BUT you will change, you will be stronger, you will have a sense of control and you will feel the emotions you NEED to feel to cope with life.

I've been sober for the longest time as an adult and have dealt with so many scary things but being sober has made me stronger than I've ever been, I am calm, no anxiety, confident and content. I'm no longer numbing anything because I'm not afraid. I sleep a full nights sleep now, and if I do wake in the night I'm not stressing and feeling shame - I turn back over and fall back to sleep.

Trust me OP you will never regret being sober! It's not boring, it's comforting, calming and makes life 100% better!

Hi there, I hope you’re ok? Your thread/cry for help worried me. Like you I am dependent on alcohol. I enjoy the feeling it gives me. I finally get complete relaxation from my racing mind and all my anxiety and stress temporarily float away. However the next day or so is just awful. Like you I also want to stop - hence I’m trawling through all these alcohol support chats everyday! Please know you are not alone in this. I only drink at the weekend but it’s too much (a bottle of wine on a fri and sat night and more on a sun night) I also get pain on my right side. I had a liver scan and ultrasound scan 3 years ago as a test revealed I had raised liver enzymes, it turns out I have a fatty liver. I lied on the questionnaire I had to fill in for my hepatologist and said I only had 10-15 units a week. She said to me if you’re drinking over 30 units a week then you’d be doing some serious damage to your liver but you’re not so change your diet, exercise and drink less. I was cringing inside as I had totally lied. I think most of us with a drink problem are in denial when we get medical help as it’s just so embarrassing to admit that there’s a problem.

Anyway, I drank less for a while but then lockdown hit and I was and am back to 30-35 units a week. Back in April I went on the Love your liver website as they have a pop up bus that tours the country, You can go along and get your liver scanned without your doctor knowing. The nearest next event to me was in Sept so I set my reminder on my phone and went along nervous as hell. Luckily my liver was ok but the result for fatty liver was higher than before so it’s time I stop drinking before it gets any worse. I would recommend going on to the Liver Trust website or Google Love your Liver and finding an event bus near you and go get your liver scanned. The nurses there are so kind and it was all over in a few minutes.

You’ve mentioned AA and that you don’t want to do it. However, I’ve just read on one of the other threads here that you can join an online AA meeting and turn your camera off. The lady who did it just sat and listened to everyone and didn’t speak and it really helped her. There was no pressure to speak and no judgment. If you are an all or nothing person I would seriously look into this because you need professional help and support. You can do this, there are lots of us on here supporting you and backing you all the way.

@LucyLou96 I get it! I was you 2.5 years ago, now I’m 2.5 years sober and my life is 1000x better. Please join us on the “Freedom” thread in the Alcohol support section. It’s full of people who have recently or not so recently quit booze. We’re a very inclusive bunch, we all get what it’s like! I wouldn’t have managed my 2.5 years without the thread.

Willpower isn’t the answer. Changing your mindset about alcohol is. Maybe try some quit lit, that’s what really helped me. AA is not my bag for a number of reasons. My willpower is shit but I am nearly 15 months sober. I’ve changed my mindset towards alcohol and see it for what it is now. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine most nights. I don’t think most people who drink so heavily/addictively can ever become “normal” drinkers tbh.

@NiceViewFromHere You sound like me! Alcohol helps me to feel calm from stress. I had a liver scan about 6 years ago and it came back fine, but am worried since then I’ve definitely damaged my liver. I am naively hoping because I only began drinking 8 years ago hopefully it will all be ok if I stop now. How long have you been drinking heavily for in total?

I lie every time my dentist asks how many units I drink a week and if the doctor asks. It is so hard to admit to as then they will likely want to investigate. Did the hepatologist say if fatty liver is reversible?

I had never heard of that bus but will definitely look into finding an event near me, it sounds a lot less scary than going to my GP. I am terrified I've damaged my liver beyond repair and I'm dying and will have to tell everyone it's all because I secretly drink too much

I didn’t know AA meetings were online too, I would probably prefer to just be able to listen in like that! Your kind words have helped thank you

I hadn't drunk since Saturday night until last night. I told myself I'd not get drunk as I have work the next day, and I ended up getting drunk. Scary thing is at the time I remember thinking I'm not THAT drunk, but then I don't remember getting myself to bed and woke up pretty hungover and called in sick to work. My side is hurting a lot too. I also drank on an empty stomach so am worried about that too. I feel ashamed of myself as until last night I was feeling better about myself and hopeful my liver will heal if I just stay sober, but now the anxiety is back ten fold worrying shit is my liver finally going to give up on me and I have to go to hospital and admit to my parents I'm in hospital because I drink too much

I would say I’ve been drinking heavily at the weekend for at least 14 years now except for my 3 pregnancies which obviously I didn’t drink at all. Nice break for my liver! But I must admit I drink more in the summer (warm evenings sat outside pretending I’m on holiday!) and at Xmas time. Do you have a partner who drinks too? Or do you hide it? Or are you on your own? My husband and I drink exactly the same however he doesn’t think we have a problem as we’re not drinking everyday. If he didn’t drink I would find it far easier to give up, not that I am blaming him! We enable each other. I’m in my forties and going through peri-menopause so it’s really not helping at all with the anxiety and I worry what it’s doing to my brain and the huge cancer risks. My mum died of cancer in her early 60’s and she drank through her menopause. She drank every day but not heavily, about half a bottle of wine a day.

It’s good you’re giving yourself days off in between bingeing. You seem particularly worried about the damage you might have done to your liver so definitely go to a Love your liver event. I had a look and they’re not starting up until next March but there is a list of towns for the year on their website so you can see what’s nearest. Yes, fatty liver is completely reversible. But you have to abstain from alcohol for at least 6 months.

Have a look on YouTube at the Adrian Chiles documentary Drinkers like Me. He was a massively heavy drinker for years. I won’t spoil it, but after tests suffice to say he has stopped!

One tip which might help, I have recently been putting obstacles in my way on Friday and Saturday nights to stop myself drinking. Last sat I offered to be designated driver so for the first sat in ages I didn’t drink and felt great the next day. Last night I invited a friend over with her kids so as she was driving back she wouldn’t be drinking therefore I couldn’t drink either. We did have one small glass of wine each and I made it last over an hour! A first ever I think and I didn’t want anymore. I feel sooo great this morning! How did your Friday night go? Hope you were ok?

Do you know the reason you drink? Have you asked yourself that yet? Mine is because I’ve always been a real worrier and family issues have made it worse. I’ve just started back on the cbd oil as my anxiety and stress levels are getting worse, that helps a little bit.

We can always try and stop together if you fancy? I am happy to support you if you feel alone x