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Original poster

Should I report my Dad for Drink Driving?

31 replies

Smithy92 · 08/11/2022 13:21

Good afternoon, I have a moral dilemma. My dad suffered with severe alcoholism last year, and almost died due to a bleed on the brain & the side effects of the resulting operation. After 8 strong months he's slipped back to daily drinking but is again drink driving.
If we take his keys off him he cuts another he has hidden in the house, but should I report him for drink driving? He is seriously over the limit on a daily basis and is driving every other day for short journeys. Morally I know I should but I don't know if I should cross that boundary or try something else?

OP posts:
thedancingbear · 08/11/2022 13:22

If you do not report, and he goes on to kill someone, because you have protected him, then in my book you would be as culpable as he is.

There is no moral dilemma here at all. There is no other option.

optimisticdogmum · 08/11/2022 13:23

Personally i'd report. If he injured or kills someone else or himself you would never forgive yourself.

chelle0 · 08/11/2022 13:24

Yes absolutely report him, what if he killed someone?! It's shit that it's your dad but he is a real danger to others.

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 08/11/2022 13:24

Tell him you are going to report him and the next time he offends then do it.

tribpot · 08/11/2022 13:25

Yes, you need to report him. Is he the only driver of the car? If so, I would also disable it so he can't take it out, remove the spark plugs or similar? Or get a steering wheel lock and hide the keys for that.

Be quite clear with him what you're doing. He didn't 'suffer with alcoholism last year'. He was and is an alcoholic. It's up to him whether he gets treatment for that, it's up to you whether you want to be around an active alcoholic, but he doesn't get to endanger other people's lives.

itsjustnotok · 08/11/2022 13:26

Think about what you’d think if someone mowed your dad down and had been drink driving. He needs reporting.

AmandaHoldensLips · 08/11/2022 13:27

Report him. You don't have to say that it was you.

Also bear in mind that the police have to find him in the car, behind the wheel, while over the limit. So you might ask them to attend your home when he is due home after drinking, or at the time when he leaves a drinking establishment.

They can't do him for drink driving unless he is caught in the act.

Oakdog · 08/11/2022 13:27

I've done it. I felt awful, but would have felt a thousand times worse if he'd injured or killed someone. I'll do it again in a heartbeat if I have too.

purpleboy · 08/11/2022 13:29

I'm not sure of the dilemma part? Of course you report him.

KILM · 08/11/2022 13:29

Please report. A neighbours son was killed by an elderly driver and it has destroyed both families. One of the daughters of the elderly man has developed severe depression due to the guilt over not reporting after the first time she found out he was driving drunk.
Really sorry to hear your dad is dealing with alcoholism, but his reaction and your feelings of discomfort about reporting, whilst valid and difficult, are far better than how you and your dad would feel if he killed someone.
If you cant bring yourself to do it, could you rope in a friend or family member?

soggydigestives · 08/11/2022 13:30

Could you live with yourself if he ever knocked down a child? Awful situation for you, but I would have to report him.

Violettaa · 08/11/2022 13:30

If you don’t, and he kills someone, you would share responsibility for that.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 08/11/2022 13:31

You know that this is happening... and if you don't stop it before an 'accident', you will be sharing responsibility for what happens. (Imagine yourself talking to the suddenly bereaved parent or child about how you felt it was too difficult to speak up about a relative.)

You could report him.
You could immobilise the car.
Both would be good.

Choose something that will work .

Caughtupinsomething · 08/11/2022 13:32

Definately report ASAP, he needs bus license removed. Remember you are doing this because you care about your dad's welfare as well as everybody else's. If he goes on to knock somebody over or cause an accident that's multiple lives ruined.

Caughtupinsomething · 08/11/2022 13:32

his*

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 13:35

OP, you know exactly what every single reply is going to be don't you. You're posting here because you know what you should do!

What do you want to hear?

Of course you should report him. Would you live with yourself if HE was killed as a result of not doing anything?

The problem is, there are a few practicalities, I believe your dad needs to be drink driving at the actual time and be breathalized by the police at the time of driving.

If you ring up the police and say "XYZ was driving drunk yesterday" there's very little they can do about it.

You can inform the DVLA.

As a starting point, call the police for advice. They'll be able to help.

Caughtupinsomething · 08/11/2022 13:36

*definitely sorry phone playing up

londongals · 08/11/2022 13:38

Yes if you want your relationship with him to be over

Caughtupinsomething · 08/11/2022 13:40

"londongals · Today 13:38"

"Yes if you want your relationship with him to be over."

Would you rather the risk of op's df killing somebody and/or himself instead?

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 13:43

If you inform the DVLA of his alcohol dependency, they'll send a medical form addressed to him asking for details of his drinking, units per day etc. They also ask for consent to access his medical records. He'll need to sign this off himself.

I believe if he refuses to fill out the alcoholism medical form they can revoke his licence on that basis (refusal to return information regarding fitness to drive) I think, but I do know that unfortunately he can in theory write whatever the hell he wants on the DVLA medical form eg "0 units per day" and lie to keep his licence.

You'd need to assist him filling out the form basically telling him to be honest, and doing so with both of you knowing his licence will be revoked. So that path of action has it's numerous problems.

Whatever you do, he shouldn't be driving.

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 13:47

londongals · 08/11/2022 13:38

Yes if you want your relationship with him to be over

How would her dad know it was her reporting him?
Anyone could do it.

SheWoreYellow · 08/11/2022 13:49

I would phone 101 and ask what the correct thing to do is - they might say when he leaves the house to phone 999 and they will send someone to his destination. But check exactly.

You need to do something.

Mamoun · 08/11/2022 13:49

Yes report. I am a very cautious driver and my only fear is someone like your dad doing something reckless and killing my family.

AmandaHoldensLips · 08/11/2022 13:50

I think the chances of him self-reporting on a form from the DVLA as suggested upthread are pretty much zero. Alcoholics never admit to their drinking and will often become enraged if anyone mentions it.

Circumferences · 08/11/2022 13:51

....and doing so with both of you knowing his licence will be revoked

Quoting myself there-
It would be revoked for 6 months or a year, during which time you need to provide medical evidence of sobriety which involves one simple blood test.
After the 6 months or 1 year he can drive again, with the bonus of having a long period of sobriety.