Never posted here before. Registered just before posting this. But ive seen a few alcohol related threads here and I wanted to share this for the alcoholic as a consequence of what alcohol does and those who are friends of alcoholics regarding support that is out there for you as well as the alcoholic.
Im attend al-anon whch is a support organisation to assist those affected by another persons drinking. Its not for everyone, it can come across as quite religious or spiritual (both of which I am not) but it's message and the other members has helped me during the last 8 months or so
This is my raw message.. I wanted to share without any background or context here other than what's in the message about what alcohol had done to my family. There is no judgment if your the alcoholic, I don't want people to hate my estranged wife. Its not about that... I just want to share to all what kind of things this does to the fsmily
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Im not sure if ill be able to attend the next face to face al anon group and currently not sure when ill be able to attend again, but I wanted to share here and more with something im preparing for one of the online meets and possibly something more structured to share at AA meetings for where alcohol has led my family.
Wednesday I was low when I attended in mood, due to a number of reasons, the drop in medication ive been taken for pain relief, the breakup again of a on and off relationship and some money worries.
The topic of Acceptance, I found hard to digest at first but after other shares, I left Al-Anon with further ocnversations that gave me a spring in my step and a positive mindframe for Thursday.
Less than an hour later, that went completely pear shared with the return of my daughter from the company of my drunken wife. Today I have spent this morning at hospital listening to my daughter explain to medics and social care the bruise on her arm from mummy biting her, and having her at the age of 5 go through the ordeal of a full body, including groin examination to determine if tere had been any other signs of abuse in addition to the bruise.7
Consenting to that, and being there as your 5 year is asked to strip in front of people she has never met before was truly f awful and the relief when you find out the bite bruise is the only cause of concern is something of a paradox.
Ive come to accept the situation we are in and Ive done the best for my daughter and she is safe and all the support services, school, police, medics, social care and friends have assured me that they believe she is safe in my care.
Wednesday. Iw as absolutely beside myself, and the samethe past few days. Ive had support from friends, supports as I said, but I wanted to publicly without name thank someone from the group and the al anon support for everything these past few months but specifically this person the past few days for just being there and replying with the types of conversations I needed and that extra support, because I have really needed it away from the anger of my close family, away from the “polices and proceedures” of support services etc. Ive just needed that conversation, and to reply at early hours of the morning, when in the situation themselves are in…….I just say thankyou again.
If there is anyone new to the group on this chat, this is what you can get out of al-anon, having someone there to not just hold your hand when needed, but being able to just be there, listen and have an impartial understanding on the same level that’s needed at the time
This next bit is kinda why I want to structure it a bit more and share to AA groups about the effects on family that alcohols has and the implications..
My wife is in denial about it all, and at the time said and I quote “she’s f*cking lying”.
I havnt spoken to my wife since yesterday as she started to imply things, and Social care have asked to not contact me or my daughter currently, and the same sadly for grandma. The very sad thing could be from my wifes for my wife is that today when sober, she probably has no recollection of the incident and cannot belive she has done that. I
The consequences from here, whether my wife has intentionally or unintentilly caused the bruise is out my control as she needs to accept the fact that the bruise has happened in her and her mums care whilst being under the influence of alcohol. But what I would say to those struggling with alcohol, do you want to find yourself in this situation? Where you possibly have absolutely no idea of the actions of yourself under the influence and do you want to deal with the consequences of those actions that you don’t understand yourself, and cant fathom actually carrying out.
My wife has already lost me, our home together, our life together, some of her closest friends and going forward potentially access to her daughter regardless of the intention of nature of the bruise.. I would imagine now, we are standing in the cans of worms that hasn’t been opened, but is about to overflow.
The job she has done for about 20 years and loved and was good at, will be gone a she works with adults with learning disabilities, and was due to start a new role shortly. Within the job and friends not aware of her alcoholism, she was very respected, loved and adored by those she looked after.
My wifes mum has just been diagnosed with alzhemiers, and that opens another can of worms.
My daughter is 5, she has never known her Mum the way I knew her when we met, who I fell in love with, who I proposed on one knee to, who I married, who I adored on a pedestal, who I thought was my existence, my soulmate, my entire life and who I wanted my kids to be with. That’s all gone, and when My daughter reaches 15, her mum might not be here and she will remember mum the alcoholic, and never truly understand what a wonderful person she was before she got into this state and probably believe me when I tell her that….how possibly could she?
Is that a legacy that you want to leave behind
Thanks
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Thankyou for reading.
If your affected by an alcoholic spouse, relative, etc , seek support for yourself. You cannot control the alcoholic, and playing the madness games of" where's the wine bottles today " will drive you insane. I've been there
If your the one who drinks, this is what dependency on alcohol can do to your family.