I really need some help

[Ireallyneedsomehelp]

I'm really struggling. I have been trying to quit drinking for almost a year, have managed a few weeks here and there but things are just getting worse.

I scare myself with how much I am able to drink. I also feel out of control, because I can feel so sure I am going to quit but then seem to drink on some random impulse.

I have tried AA, I have read some books which I really felt would cure me. But I still have not been able to stop.

Is there such thing as a free sober buddy system out there or something like that? I feel like I might need support but I'm too ashamed to see a GP.

Please don’t be ashamed, the GP really will not judge you and they will be able to signpost you to any help available in your area. Not all areas have the same help available so the GP really is the best place to start. I hope you can find the support you need

Well done for seeking help. AA can provide with you a sponser, which will be an AA member who can support you.

Have you heard of smart recovery.it uses various physiological techniques such as CBT to help overcome addiction.there are workbooks you can buy videos on YouTube and online zoom meetings .
That random impulse you get to drink when you have said you won't is called your addictive voice

I havnt used the website I've linked before but it gives a good explanation as to what it is and what courses it

helpmestop.org.uk/blog/2020/08/addictive-voice/

Hope this helps

You, like myself, have a problem. Evil exists. The only time I was ever on top of it was when I practiced my religion and I felt really good in myself. But Evil (the addiction) told me that I’m fooling myself, better to have a few drinks and feel proper good in oneself. The struggle is real. Sobriety is what I want to be drunk on ~ life is so beautiful when your energy is your own and aligned with Love and all that is Good.

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies.

Feeling a bit more positive now and I think I somewhat know what went wrong.

I am ramping up my self care and staying in my routine, as in past attempts this is what helped most. Listening to a million sober audiobooks, Instagram, reddit, YouTube.

I do feel like I have learnt something from slipping up so hopeful about being back on track.

It is good to know that AA is there still if I need it, and Smart recovery. And I do feel similar about spirituality. I am not religious but feeling more balanced and in touch with my spiritual and emotional side has definitely been a help in the past. Sometimes it feels like alcoholism is a curse!

@Ireallyneedsomehelp I help people with this. How much do you drink? Do you drink to stop physical withdrawal (shakes) or is it more that you don't like how much you're drinking/feel out of control? We talk about 'alcoholism' for anyone who seems to not drink 'normally' but I knew it wasn't a label that ever fit me. I just felt I drank a bit too much and found it hard to stop. If it's the latter the first thing to note is that you're always in control, even if it doesn't feel that way.

It feels like you're drinking from a random impulse but actually you aren't (which is excellent news). You are simply running a programme to drink which is automatic, well-practiced and FAST. Your work is to find out what is at the root of that. You do that by adding consciousness to your drinking. So the next time you drink, write out what was going on (what you were thinking, feeling, where you were, etc.) Write it all out then look at how all that was making you feel. That will be the reason why you drink. Which means you are the one who controls the changing behaviour.

In many, many cases people over drink simply because they've practiced that a lot and got really good at it. Simple. The solution is equally simple though not always easy.

I'm happy to answer questions. You can also sign up to receive email tips etc at 90dayslater.co/list or listen to my 90 Days Later podcast.

My final comment is please, please, please don't feel ashamed about this. There is no need to. Once you understand how the brain works and alcohol's affect on the brain you'll see that what's happening to you is totally to be expected. But that doesn't mean you have to put up with it. I changed after decades of drinking and I know you can too.

When I drink, I can drink a lot. I could easily drink 8 cans of lager.

I don't get the shakes, I don't drink daily or drink to relieve hangovers. I still often want to drink even though I do know I ways regret having done so!

I think I am getting better at identifying my emotional triggers. They are things I can't eliminate from my life, but I am trying to find ways to teach myself to react differently.

Even today I am on day 5, I really don't want to drink however part of my brain thinks 'I fancy a beer' - I'll have a coke and some snacks but still - madness!

@Ireallyneedsomehelp it's not madness ... your brain thinks 'I fancy a beer' because it's thought that many times before and has enjoyed the subsequent explosion of dopamine in your brain. So it's just a habit thought. Which causes a habit action. Totally expected and nothing to feel bad about.

@Ireallyneedsomehelp I can identify with your post and applaud your perseverance and motivation to keep going. I've had a problematic relationship with alcohol for years and experienced periods of sobriety, moderation and full blown binges. When I reread past journal entries, I can see how it's a progressive condition. I've been at rock bottom a few times but then found some rock bottoms have trap doors!!

I'm starting again this month and using mind set work to reframe the experience into one of opportunity and curiosity rather than deprivation. I've realised for me that moderation simply doesn't work (once the switch is in my head goes the monster comes out.) Therefore, I'm going to let it go and move try to move forward at peace with that decision. I'm happy to be an unofficial sober buddy!

@brightspice I've signed up for the soberoctober programme as I feel the more tool we have the better. I feel quite angry about the cultural brainwashing that occurs in the UK around you must drink to have a good time and you are 'odd' or 'boring' if you don't. No one would try and persuade me to smoke, and yet its surprising how many friends say "oh go on... just have one!!"

@Stircrazyschoolmum Yes it is peculiarly odd isn't it? No wonder so many people wonder if there's something wrong with them because they think they have a problem with their drinking when to everyone around them it's "normal" behaviour. But here's the really great thing and something I covered in my day 1 mini live video yesterday: it doesn't matter what anyone else says or does, the control lies 100% with you.

Sober October Reasons to be Cheerful Day 2:

We humans are driven by feelings. What we feel determines how we act.
It’s powerful stuff. When we want a drink it can feel as though we are driven by desire. It can feel overwhelming. Until we have no choice but to drink.

But I offer that this desire is indicative of something else. A desire for more. To strive for something different. A life you don’t need to escape from with alcohol. A life that’s more brilliant than you can possibly imagine right now.

So instead of focusing on trying to quash your desire for alcohol. Of that need to say "no!", today I want you to ask yourself what is it that YOU really and truly desire.

Maybe it’s something you haven’t even admitted to yourself. Let your mind run free. You don’t need to tell anyone else. This is between you and you. So grab a pen and paper and write it out.

Apologies all... I posted the above to the wrong thread. That said hope it's helpful!

Hey, it took me 8 years of arsing around, reading quit lit, “cutting down” before I finally managed to stop. Eventually all the effort I put in removed the desire to drink and I’m over a year sober now. You are doing great. Most of us have more than 1 day 1. But without a day 1 you won’t get all the other days x

I kept going to meetings in the hopes that I could get sober but I couldn’t get sober no matter how hard I tried. Then one day at a meeting someone said something that really struck me and the urge to drink was mysteriously removed from then. Afterwards I didn’t have the urge to drink but I still missed the calm of alcohol, but then I found mindfulness meditation, which is a good substitute for booze

@Ireallyneedsomehelp there is no need to feel shame. So ditch the shame. You've become really good at drinking because you've practiced it a lot. That's all. And as alcohol is a very, very exciting reward for our brains, yours understandably seeks more and more.

You want free help so I will offer my podcast. It's called 90 Days Later, available on all major podcast channels and each week I release a new episode that talks about something I learned or that I'm helping my clients with. And it's all free. I'm even happy to answer questions on the podcast about stopping overdrinking so if you have a specific request let me know.

I also send out little bits of inspiration each week to everyone who's on my email list. Again, totally free. You can sign up at 90dayslater.co/list

There's lots of help out there.

But please start by ditching the shame.

The way I quit was I kept going to meetings trying to quit and I couldn’t and then one day at a meeting I was drunk talking to my friend yelling about stuff and he said I hope you find what you’re looking for and turned and walked away and in that moment the urge to drink was mysteriously removed