Please help...am I a drunk??

[racoon123]

Hi,

No judgement please - I am after advice and support. I am in my mid 30's and have 2 children. I have drank alcohol since the age of 18; not frequently, once every couple of weeks on the weekends. Some of my booze filled nights over the years are a little blurry and I have drank a little too much alcohol on numerous occasions but nothing concerning or worrying. I have never craved alcohol or drank during the day or during the week and have only ever drank socially.

During the pandemic, I was unable to work. I drank more frequently during this time than I ever have before, maybe a once or twice per week. I must add that during the pandemic I lost a parent and also discovered that my husband of 15 years had been having an affair. It was a traumatic time in my life and I struggled mentally for many months. Despite this however, my drinking was never excessive and did not concern me.

Fast forward 12+ months and I am starting to worry about my drinking. I am not drinking on a frequent basis, maybe once or twice per month, but when I do drink alcohol I seem to be unable to stop, consuming far too much alcohol and waking up with severe memory loss and a terrible hangover. Not only this, most of these nights end in me being an emotional wreck, me starting arguments on my husband and/or me regretting things that I have said and done and feeling ashamed and embarrassed the day after I drink which is leading to 2-3 days of worry, anxiety and low mood. No matter how much I tell myself to drink less next time, I am ending up in the same position most times I drink, waking up and saying "oh nooo, not again!!" And have to face the round of apologies and worry's the next day.

I do not drink during the week or alone and never crave alcohol or feel that I need it. But when I do decide to have a drink socially, once I have 1 drink it's like a downward spiral - it always starts off fun and I'm enjoying myself and having a laugh, and then before I know it, I'm 6-7 drinks in and extremely drunk!! Then I'm waking up in the same predicament, regretful and full of shame.

I never used to be like this - I used to be able to have a few and happily go home relatively sober. Now...it feels like when I drink, I never want the party to end and always end up taking it too far.

I suppose my question is, has anyone else found themselves in this situation?

Does anybody have any advice in relation to what is going on here?

I feel like there must be something wrong with me and I am starting to hate myself.

Am I mentally unstable and my emotions are just coming out when I'm drunk?

Just to note when I am sober, I do not suffer from anxiety or low mood, only when I am hungover and worrying about my drunken behaviour....

If anyone could offer advice/support I would be extremely grateful.

Thank you.

One of the questions HCP ask in relation to drinking is ‘how often..have you found you are not able to stop drinking once you have started?’, along with questions about guilt/remorse after drinking.

the full questionnaire is here, you can assess yourself. There is a risk score at the bottom after you have added up your answers. However, if you are drinking and then starting arguments and regretting drinking, it would be wise to stop drinking no matter what your score is.
www.gmmh.nhs.uk/download.cfm?doc=docm93jijm4n639.pdf&ver=1017

OP if you have to ask yourself, then yes you have a problem.

Only you know.

Give AA a call .... we're a friendly bunch

Your relationship with alcohol is not a good one. Best to finish the relationship. Easy for me to say, I know, but I think for your own sake, you must not have another alcoholic drink. Stop keeping it in the house, don't buy any more, and make sure you're always driving on nights out so you have a ready-made excuse (which you'll need because people can be weird about others not drinking and try to push you...).

@racoon123 what you describe is quite normal. Not feeling as though you can stop is something I see a lot. You ask about emotions only coming out when you're drunk... well your emotions will be at the bottom of this because what we're feeling (or not wanting to feel) will fuel our behaviour. And along comes alcohol with the promise to dull all the nasty feelings out... though of course they don't go away.

The question I would ask is: are you happy with the results you're getting with the drinking/with your life? If not, you can do something about it. Not easy but simple.

My advice would be the next time you are drinking try to do is consciously, be aware of what's going on around you and what you're thinking/feeling. By identifying those factors you change the drinking (which is only a symptom).

I have a podcast called '90 Days Later' (available on all major podcast sites) and episode 4 'It's easier not to drink than to stop once I start' would be a good place to start. (And if you also want to receive emailed tips etc you can sign up for this at 90dayslater.co/list

Happy to answer questions.

No judgment here

people without drink problems don’t tend to question their drinking. If you are having to ask then it’s likely you do have an issue.

there is nothing wrong with you. Alcohol is an addictive substance that alters peoples personality. It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to sort it out - if you want to x

Your dh had an affair.

How have you resolved your feelings about this?

You say that you don’t feel any anxiety or low mood when you are sober - are you only allowing yourself to feel when you’re several drinks in?