cant break the cycle

[sxmand]

I have a problem with drinking...its been ongoing for some years now. It started in my mid forties and im now approaching 57.I feel im in a vicious circle. I suffer with depression and anxiety. Im on medication for this but dont feel it works for me. I constantly feel low and i drink to feel relaxed and out of boredom. Im in a rut i cannot break out of. The last few years have been very difficult. One of my daughters got breast cancer at age 26 in 2018. She had amastectomy and endured chemo and radiotherapy. She is now clear thankfully but during this traumatic time my youngest daughter who suffers with anxiety developed severe intrusive thoughts and became very mentally ill to the point of going into a psychiatric unit.I felt torn between the two of them and felt i neglected my daughter who had cancer even though i was doing as much as i could for her as she is a single mum. My youngest got help and was precribed strong meds which made her unable to function...couldnt work and slept all day. Really stressful worrying time. Things improved with her but she still suffers. I think i drink to blot out problems and i want to learn how to be able to just manage what life throws at me without constantly needing to reach for the bottle. Then last year both my father in law and my dad passed away ...just as my father in law died my dad was told he had months to live. I constantly feel like im waiting for bad news all the time and drink just numbs me. I dont work and feel that i need to do something so im not constantly overthinking but i have no confidence or energy to do anything about it.i just feel stuck ...i wondered if anyone else is in same position or got out of it...i get depressed, i drink then when i drink i get more deprressed..

Sounds like you've had a tough few years @sxmand. Sorry the medication hasn't helped. Have you tried therapy? A support group like AA?

You've had a tough time. I have drank nightly for years because I enjoy it. There lots of help and advice on other threads for people wanting to quit and for support. Good luck and hope life is kinder to you in future.

@sxmand First I want to reassure you that where you find yourself is just where you find yourself. There is no need to feel bad about it.

In the middle of your post you say "i want to learn how to be able to just manage what life throws at me without constantly needing to reach for the bottle". I want to offer that that is completely and utterly available to you. That's a really great place to start: just believe in that possibility. Take yourself there. Think of all the things you've achieved for yourself in your life. All the things that once felt impossible but which no longer are. How can the same be true for you and drinking?

Then even if you don't yet understand how to do this or what needs to change, the next thing is for you to figure out WHY you want to do this. Why do you want to be able to manage life without reaching for the bottle?

Many people will say something like "I want to be healthy" but I find that tends to not really be enough. So put yourself in a situation where you're facing maximum temptation, maximum amount of negative feelings, maximum reasons why you should drink - and what would you counter that with? THAT then is your compelling reason.

I help people with this all the time. If you need help getting to the point of possibility or understanding what this will take, I definitely encourage you to subscribe to my podcast called '90 Days Later'. Episode 29 'What's Possible' and episode 35 'Self-belief' would be great places to start.

And I'll leave you with a question to ponder: why is 57 the perfect age for you to figure this out once and for all?