Overwhelmed - yes, but signs of progress hindered by circumstances. My DW has suffered an alcoholic dependency for some considerable time now since having a gastric bypass a few years ago. This resulted in a conviction for drink driving, which ran its course and she’s now been driving for two years now. The drinking starts to improve now and again, but is creeping up again, with what appears to be outside influences upon DW. She is seeking help through local services, but all she’s had so far are group sessions on Teams, where she is struggling to have her voice heard. She is also undergoing specialist psychotherapy to look at the deeper issues behind all this.
In addition she is having long standing issues with her own family unit. Her mum is coming over this weekend and being narcissistic, will be expecting the usual fanfare. Her sister is coming over Friday for the day but will not stay the night. Neither her mum or sister will communicate with each other to coordinate travel despite living five mins away from each other (11/2 hours drive from us). When DW challenged her mum during a phone call, she was quickly dismissed, along with other family issues… all due to her DM’s anxiety.
Yesterday, DW had a difficult day at work, for other reasons that she couldn’t control, so by the time I had returned from my work, she had drunk over three bottles of wine. This is not unusual, including the expectation that she would be okay to drive today. I had a chat to her about it this morning and she did not plan to drink so much, but she admits that she cannot just do one bottle and that’s it. More often then not, she will go out and buy more. There’s so many means to buy alcohol near us, both in store and online. I’ve tried to talk to her several times when she has wanted to drive herself to work the morning after and where possible, I have driven her to save the potential risk of being caught again.
She is trying to seek help, but what I find frustrating is the outside influences ie her family. She asked me directly what to do about who her family are making her feel and that is really what I’m looking for advice on. The alcohol dependency is a symptom of all this and it’s really hard to try and support her with all the extra pressures being placed on her from elsewhere. Her mum sees family members as ‘baggage’ despite appearing to show care for her and our own family (children with additional needs etc). Her communication with my DW is divisive and often creates a triangle of communication, which then becomes disjointed and misinterpreted.
Thank you in advance for any advice you can give. With regard to the alcohol, I think I need to consider everything before coming hard on her. I’ve tried that before and it doesn’t work. She needs love and support from all directions.