Not drinking on holiday

[brightspice]

I coach highly-functioning people on stopping overdrinking and am talking with my clients a lot at the moment about how to have fun on holiday without drinking. In the spirit of helping as many people as possible I wanted to post about this here too as it's very topical.

Here's the thing: holidays are something to look forward to. To experience fully.

BUT I find so many of us (I used to count myself in this mix) feel entitled to have an amazing time on holiday. And if you approach holidays with that feeling you are going to feel justified in your drinking.

"You only live once!" "I deserve it!" "It's my holiday!"

Instead look at your holiday through sober eyes and tell yourself the truth about what your holiday is like. There are likely going to be good moments and bad moments. But that's OK. Being drunk or buzzed does not change how good a time you're having on holiday - the alcohol just makes you THINK it's better. The actual experience is the same. So if you're having fun, you're having fun, if you're having a miserable time you're still having a miserable time even if the wine makes you think it's tolerable. Ask yourself which you'd prefer?

Finally I will offer that you can have a fabulous time on holiday without drinking. If you don't agree with this statement, ask yourself why. (There's no right or wrong answer to this one, but make sure you like your reasons.)

Thanks for this. It is very true. I have just been on my first sober holiday and had an amazing time.

Hi @Battlecat98 that is so great to hear.

Are you sky rose coaching?

Nope. I do 1-1 coaching under the name 90 Days Later.

I always think alcohol makes you relax on holiday but actually it doesn't, I get anxiety. Anxiety plus too much free time to ruminate spells a bad experience.

I would class myself as high functioning over drinker. Its something I'm not proud of.

Yes anxiety is a sly one because alcohol promises to reduce it (which it does in the short term) so we distract ourselves with alcohol but the reason for the anxiety (whatever it is) doesn't really go away. However now we also have a drinking problem which also causes anxiety on top of the anxiety... it's a vicious circle. And @Yorkshirelass04 I would offer that it's totally possible to change an overdrinking habit. Start by realising it's just a habit and nothing to be ashamed of.You've just got really good at learning how to drink because of your desire. This changes when you unlearn that desire.

If they are still saying they deserve it they still have some work to do to change their views of alcohol. I no longer view alcohol as a treat/reward.

I had my first sober holiday recently and while I knew I wouldn’t drink I did still feel a bit apprehensive about it, but it was good.

if someone wants an AF life, all of these things just need to be done.

@brightspice , I've read your posts before on this subject. I can see why you're a coach - you make a lot of sense.
Whilst I don't think I could not drink on holiday ( and again, great question to ask myself. I'll think about my reasons), I have drastically cut down my intake on holidays.
I much prefer waking up fresh, getting up and getting out. It feels brilliant.
I'm too old for hangovers, especially on holiday.

@LovinglifeAF well said. I see sooooo often that alcohol is being used as a treat/reward. In fact "ake the most of it - life's too short" used to be one of my desire-creating thoughts... but every time I drank on holiday I ironically ended up having less of an experience - which totally went against the reason I drank in the first place - to make the most of life!

@Amdone123 thank you for your kind comments.

Well done for cutting back already on holidays.

Here's something else I will offer: it can feel tedious and miserable to constantly think about saying 'no' ....no to a drink means no to not joining in and no to not getting that buzzy feeling and no to being one of the gang and no to that "yay I'm on holiday and can drink wine by the pool in the afternoon" feeling ..... no wonder it's hard to say no!

So instead really ask what you're saying yes to. You're already doing this (you prefer waking up fresh and getting out) ... so really focus in on why THAT is more important to you. Then you'll direct your day to saying yes than saying 'no'. I'm saying yes to experience this holiday fully, I'm saying yes to not conking out in the middle of the afternoon, I'm saying yes to taking it all in ...this will challenge your thought that you don't think you could not drink on holiday! 😀

@brightspice , thanks. You've really given me something to think about.
I've thought about why I drink on holidays, some reasons are the same I drink at home. 1) escapism (not sure what I'm escaping from. I live a charmed life). 2) food and wine go together. I love cooking and I have trained myself to drink sparkling water when cooking but on holiday, I guess that image of seafood and an ice cold glass of wine go together. 3) Habit - the aforementioned vicious circle is the bane of my life.
I'm going to do a bit more reflection as those points don't really make sense now I've written them down !!

@Amdone123 Those are great points to reflect on. Whether you decide to aim to never drink again on holiday or to stay as you are, there's no right answer. But I would definitely say make sure you LIKE your answer 😀

This is so interesting, I've found this to be true literally for the first time ever. We're on our hols at the mo, and while I wouldn't call myself reliant on alcohol, my alcohol use does increase during holidays and I do usually associate it with relaxing and having a good time.

This time round though I've not drunk at all during the day (might usually have a drink or two at lunch/during the afternoon) and only very rarely during the evening. The biggest difference I've noticed is being much less frustrated with m family. I think because I associate alcohol with relaxing, it increases my feelings of entitlement (to things going my own way) and makes me more frustrated when things don't work out how I expect/want (as is typical for family life!). I've been far more free to engage with my kids doing the things they want to do rather than just wanting everyone to leave me to relax in peace, which in turn has made for a.far more restful and relaxing holiday.

I've also realised too that I often drink because of how I want alcohol to make me feel. Like, I drink it because I think it will make me feel relaxed and chilled (or it fits the occasion somehow -.dinner out, holiday, pairs well with seafood like a PP said!) but how it actually makes me feel is lethargic and dissatisfied. So I'm learning to ask myself whether I actually want the feeling it gives me, or whether I just want how I think it'll make me feel, and this is helping me realise I want it alot less frequently than I think I do!

@ellyo - yes, yes, yes. And you can add into the mix the fact that society normalises the idea of "drink on holiday you'll have a grand time". We hear it so often we don't question it (at least I didn't used to).

When you realise you have the control to feel how you want to feel - without alcohol or anything external to you - that's when all areas of your life will change.

@ellyo , great points. A friend of mine said recently that she drinks because she's depressed. As soon as she said it, she realised what she'd said. No, the alcohol makes her depressed. It was quite a moment!
Enjoy your holiday !

Hi All,

@brightspice I'm going to tag onto this thread if you don't mind?

@Crayonpenny of course!

Morning all and welcome @Crayonpenny .
Well, yesterday morning I woke up somewhat depressed. The day before I'd had a bottle of wine ( mainly through boredom / fed up of the hot weather restricting what I normally do). It was a stupid decision as it made me feel worse / slept badly / dehydrated obviously.
I decided to put it behind me and have a positive Monday. I walked, enjoyed work, went to zumba and ate properly.
Today, I feel great. Best night's sleep in a long time. Legs sore from zumba but that's good. I feel toned, etc.
Have a great af day, everyone!

@Amdone123 That sounds a very productive day! Good for you for battling through.

@brightspice How do I find out more about your coaching?

@crayonpenny, my website 90dayslater.co talks about how this works and also has a tab for my 90 Days Later podcast (which you can also find on all the major podcast sites).

I work 1-1 with people, customising my content and tools to each client's life... so they achieve freedom around alcohol, whatever that means for them, whether they want to quit drinking entirely or learn how to moderate.There's a blue button on my home page to book a consultation call with me - on that call I discuss where you are, what you've tried, what you want to achieve - then on that call I build out the plan to make it happen for you.

@Amdone123 it sounds like you had a fantastic Monday (and bravo for doing Zumba - I tried it a couple of times and just couldn't keep up with all the different instructions and I always seemed to be a couple of moves behind everyone else!!)

Regarding the bottle of wine the day, it's interesting that by drinking because the hot weather restricted what you would 'normally' do, you ended up restricting your experience on the day when you drank (because you felt worse, slept badly, etc.) See how that goes? What if it's OK that the hot weather restricts you from doing what you'd normally do? How does that feel?

@brightspice Super thank you, I will go and take a look now!

Hi all, I've just posted a short video on the topic of drinking and holidays on Youtube at this location:

@brightspice , thanks for the clip. I'll watch shortly.
I hear you regarding the decision to drink on Sunday. I think it was just an excuse. Like you say, so what if the weather was affecting my usual activities. I didn't need to drink. I'm great at excuses !
I was just walking home from work and had a thought of drinking, but I batted it away. I have many thoughts throughout the course of the day - I don't have to act on them.

@brightspice , thanks for the video - as expected, it resonated a lot with me.
One thing I can say is that on my most recent holidays, I have moderated much more than I used to. This is due to the progress I've made with hypnotherapy, journalling, self help, etc. I'm still not where I want to be though ( home or away).
I'm going on holiday in 3 weeks so I'm going to have a think about how I want my holiday to look, and make a plan.