Alcohol issues and pregnancy

[BeNewbo]

Hello,

First, this is taking all my might to ask for this help so please please I beg, nothing negative.

Background:
I'm a married, 33 year old, health care professional, I have had numerous mental health issues over the years and I am now stable and medicated.

In 2021 I had considerable mental issues (some stemming from working in hospital, Covid etc) I then lost a baby at 8 weeks in June, which I took very badly and was self medicating with alcohol and causing injury to myself, both accidental and self harm.

I was sectioned, and by September I had an TIA (mini stroke) which was put down to stress (I also lost the site in one eye)

Now:
I am happy, social, and medicated. My only issue, is that I am now 12 weeks pregnant and I am still finding myself drinking 5-15 units a week. I have no issues with days off, but any chance that alcohol is around, I give in. Not through lack of trying, il have 4/5 non alcoholic drinks before just trying to stay away.

What do I do and how much damage have I caused to this precious thing that I want so badly?? I'm terrified.

Everything I read, people are worried about one off sessions, not 3 wines 3 times a week occasions.

I know this is going to get a bad reaction, but I'm really asking for help.

I have spoke to my midwife. And other doctors I work with, but it's hard to get an opinion I believe 100%

Many thanks

Hello @BeNewbo. I am concerned about you posting here and the closing line of your post in terms of reassurance seeking. You remind me a lot of me when I was pregnant - not in the detail, I drank a lot before I knew I was pregnant but was able to stop - but in the need for reassurance. It became obsessive. I worried I had harmed the baby with alcohol, then with the impact of the stress about that and became really quite unwell.

I learnt through CBT, painfully, that reassurance seeking prolongs anxiety by keeping your brain on a worry setting. Others can explain this better but basically, the fact that youve spoken to midwife, drs and are now posting on a forum where you have no idea of the qualifications or intent of any posters makes me worry your issue isnt just alcohol it is anxiety and the compulsive reassurance seeking that comes with it.

I wouldnt wish the pregnancies I had on any one. You clearly want to do right by your baby and have worked hard to overcome a lot. There are 28 weeks to go and my advice would be to stay off forums, speak only to the midwife and follow their advice. There are lovely, wonderful people on here but also some might say things on this post that really knock you if youre feeling vulnerable so just stick with the professionals and go well - you can do this.

@Flippinghecklike I definitely understand what you are saying. I thank you.

Hi OP, no judgement from me as I know how hard addiction is. I have had an alcohol problem my entire adult life and when I became pregnant at 26 I did manage to stop drinking because I had lost a pregnancy previously and I wanted to be able to know that if anything went wrong with the pregnancy that it wasn't my fault. I knew that realistically a drink here and there wouldn't cause miscarriage but I also knew that if I did miscarry again didn't want to feel guilt at things I could have done better/differently. Do you know what I mean?

You say you're fine having days off but cave when alcohol is there. What type of scenarios are these? At social events? People you live with buying it.? Sounds like the best course of action for you would be to avoid any scenarios where alcohol is involved for the rest of your pregnancy.