To not have an 'off switch'

[PeanutAnarchy]

I guess I'm curious about if this is normal?

I can easily drink a bottle of wine (plus) per night on my own. I restrict myself to weekends only (yes, all 3 nights).

My OH isn't a big drinker (no fun!) so I credit him for the fact I'm not an alcoholic.

If we go out and I've had two or three drinks, I can then just keep going and am only restricted by more sensible friends leaving the party.

I used to joke this was my Irish heritage, but in all seriousness there is a strong link to alcohol/mental health problems in my immediate family - including a recent suicide.

I drink because I enjoy it, but am also aware that it's medication/covering up a whole series of insecurities.

Part of me thinks 'fuck it, with the cards I've been dealt, I'm lucky it's not to be completely screwed up' then the more sensible half thinks - Mmm 🤔

Should I be concerned?

I also don’t have an off switch. I also liked a drink. A lot.

There are also a lot of Alcohol/MH problems in my immediate family, including attempted suicide. It has also resulted in quite early dementia in an older family member.

No, it’s not ‘normal’ in a sense that it isn’t how people who aren’t problem drinkers drink.

I too used to drink a bottle (plus) on 3 nights a week.
Can you pin point when you went from half a bottle to the full bottle and now the bottle plus? The question is, what’s next?

Should you be concerned? That depends. Do you want to drink less?

Health wise, that amount of alcohol increases serious health risk including CVD, cancer and dementia, but plenty of people drink more and live to 80+ with no problems.

My OH isn't a big drinker (no fun!)

This is concerning in itself.

You can and should turn this around

DH and my dad don’t have off switches and I can promise they are “no fun” to be around in those moments.

Very gently - yes. I know you mean it light-hearted, but describing someone whose a light drinker as no fun is consistent with every person i've ever met with an alcohol problem. I think you have to look at it like this - the amount and frequency is almost secondary to your attitude towards it, and you have called it yourself in your post - you use it to self medicate. Maybe stop for a while and see how it goes?

I think it comes down to what serves you. I work with highly functioning people to help them stop overdrinking and SO MANY times people tell me they don't have an off switch (until we prove it's not so). Because you do have an off switch. But tell yourself that you don't enough and you'll start to really buy into that story. I have a podcast called 90 Days Later and episode 4 has the snappy title 'It's easier not to drink than it is to stop once I start'. And if you want tips and techniques and other stuff on how to cut back I send emails that cover these topics. You can sign up at 90dayslater.co/list

I will leave you with one final thought/question: does telling yourself that you have no off switch serve you and help you show up in life the way you want to? There's no right or wrong answer to this. It's 100% up to you.

Happy to answer questions

Describing your OH as 'no fun' because he doesn't drink is a greater cause for concern than the amount you drink.

If you know you are self medicating for mental health issues then you would be better off addressing those issues directly.

My late husband didn't have an off switch either. Note 'late'. He managed to trash his relationships with me and his DDs, lose his job, his house and his friends before he died alone in a shitty little flat where he was found three days later during a very hot spell.

Your OH deserves better.

In a similar position here. Example, we go to the pub, I'll have a few wines then buy a bottle on the way home and almost finish that when really I didn't need any more after the pub. It's a constant argument in my mind at the moment and I don't like feeling like this so I've made the decision to cut it out for at least a month to get myself back out the habit!

I don't either, have an off switch. What's worrying is that I can drink like a fish, don't get that drunk, don't have hangovers. I didn't drink that much till Uni, because I always drove. Even now I can do dry January easily, not drink for months, and my drinking capability is still the same. I don't really understand it, it defies logic.

I think your comment about your partner is unfair, and is a reflection of the drink culture in society.
Does he have any worries about your drinking? Does it ever cause arguments?

what I will say after almost a year sober is-

if you are asking if you have a drink problem
the answer is yes. People without a drink problem don’t need to ask this

you don’t need to identify as an alcoholic to have an alcohol abuse problem