I would be happier if I didn’t drink at all

[Aurora231]

Hi everyone, posting for advice.
I am not addicted to alcohol, but I used to enjoy drinking wine when socialising, never to excess.
However I find that alcohol makes me incredibly depressed. Even just one drink now makes
me feel anxious, stressed and sad the next day. Is that possible - that just one drink could do that?
I think I would be so much happier if I just stopped drinking but it makes me feel a bit pathetic - I mean, I can stop after one drink, and who can’t handle one drink? Any advice?

Contrary to popular belief, alcohol is a depressant drug. Therefore, it does make many people feel down and anxiety the following day is common. Plenty of people don’t drink alcohol. Me included, I used to when I much younger, but I don’t anymore. Why does not drinking make you feel pathetic? Choosing not to drink is a perfectly legitimate choice and not uncommon choice. Be warned though, friends who drink too much where it is a problem, can get arsey about a friend giving-up alcohol. I think that’s because it’s like holding up a mirror to them. It makes them feel uncomfortable, they suppress that and then become arsey.

I’ve stopped drinking completely and I have never felt better. I got to the stage where even half a glass of wine, gave me a sleepless night, so I stopped.

Just stop. Can you do it or do you need help?

First of all, it is really good that you are recognising this, in an "if this....then that" sort of way (people sometimes go through all sorts trying to work out what makes them feel bad the next day). It is an unusual post, only because one glass of wine would not normally have that effect, but, for you, it does. I'm a quite a heavy drinker, but if I have anything with taurine or caffeine in it, I have the symptoms you describe in spades - just one can of redbull or mango loco can ruin the next day. I actually love the stuff at the time, but the next day is not worth it. Nobody (that matters) should be bothered about people wanting to be alcohol free these days. But if you really fancy drinking (for all sorts of reasons) then you could experiment with other drinks and see how you get on.

I don't drink at all now and my crippling anxiety has disappeared. Alcohol isn't all it's cracked up to be abc I've never felt better in myself.

You may find reading a quit-lit book may help you find out more. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober or Alcohol Explained.

No! You are NOT pathetic. Please stop thinking that about yourself. We live in a society where alcohol is totally normalised. I help highly functioning people stop overdrinking and so many of them keep it quiet that they're getting help because they hear one of 2 reactions: "I didn't know you had THAT MUCH of a problem!" or "But why would you want to do that?"

It's not uncommon to feel anxious after just one drink. My question to you is when you say you enjoy alcohol when socialising: why? And do you like your reasons?

I used to say I just wanted to cut back. I was far, far from a problem drinker but I simply couldn't imagine life without a drink here or there. It seemed depressing, dreary and unnecessary. But the more I dug into why I drank and what I wanted from my life and the more I was able to stop wanting it (desire lies at the root of why we drink), then it became clear that alcohol wasn't adding anything to my life. In fact my life is BETTER without. It feels like a miracle every single day.

I have a podcast called 90 Days Later that covers topics like anxiety, desire, why we drink and so on and also send regular emails containing tips and tricks and techniques and mindset shifts around drinking less. If you're interested you can sign up at 90dayslater.co/list

Net-net if you don't like the consequences after just 1 drink ask whether alcohol is serving you and what you want out of life. Good luck x

Stopped drinking nearly 3 years ago for this very reason. Its brilliant!

I think what you are describing is the after effects of alcohol and, only once you have stopped can you really see the impact on you MH. I am 7 months sober and my anxiety and depression have improved so much. I am so much happier, sleep well don't stress so much.

I recommend Craig Beck, this really helped me cement my decision. Also people soon get used to you not drinking you just need to push through.

I'm in the same boat OP, I've been meaning to cut back but now I think I'm going to give not drinking at all a go. My anxiety and depression really has a hold of me and I wonder how much of that could relate to alcohol.

I'm at the point where one glass of wine makes me feel awful the next day but I'm also noticing that I'm drinking more and more in an evening. It's never more than a bottle but that's a lot for me. Plus the frequency is more than I'd like.

I had a rare big drinking night over the weekend and apparently said stuff that is really out of character for me. I'm mortified as I remember none of this. It's scared me a lot and I don't want to be in that position again.

@sleighbellsjiggling A bottle of wine in an evening is excessive for anyone. Unfortunately, it’s been normalised, so you feel it isn’t that much. I’m pretty sure you’ll feel much better when you’re not drinking. Good luck with your plan 👍

I stopped drinking cos even one drink gives me a headache and nasty taste the next day. It’s crappy stuff.

I recommend smoothies 😃

It's definitely possible OP. It has started happening to me. I gave up at the beginning of the year for this reason - then got pregnant so obviously have kept to it but I am thinking of making it permanent. DH wants me to have the occasional glass of wine with him for the taste, not the booze, because we both love wine, but I have found that even one glass now gives me "the fear" later on and upsets my mental health.

For me I think getting into my mid thirties my metabolism or something about my system has just changed. It's not worth it now. I am pretty shy and used to think alcohol was helpful at social situations but I have realised how much I pay for the temporary extroversion with anxiety and shame later - these days even on quite tiny amounts. You're definitely not alone!

I felt the same and stopped drinking altogether. After the first month it was really easy and now I barely think about it. There are lots of really good alcohol free lagers if you fancy a cold beer in the summer and loads of places have good mocktails if you're out

Ooh, I love a mocktail on holiday. I used to drink the odd cocktail on holiday and hardly if ever drink during the rest of the year. Then on one holiday a few years ago, it occurred to me that it wasn’t the alcohol I was enjoying, but the delicious fruity cold drink, so I moved on to mocktails and realised I enjoyed them just as much, with none of the negatives associated with alcohol.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments.
I am on holiday staying with friends this week and have had a couple of glasses of wine every evening - no more. Everyone else has had spirits too but not me. I haven’t drunk every evening for a long time, several months.
I have noticed over the last couple of days my stress levels have hit the roof, am so anxious.
My dh said to me today that maybe I just shouldn’t drink. I think maybe I just shouldn’t. I know I’d be happier. I can very easily not drink. So why is this so tricky?!

Alcohol is a very odd drug. It’s so normalised in society that everyone expects you to drink, and if people don’t, there’s seen as something wrong with them. It’s completely upside down. I’d suggest you do some reading on this - maybe This Naked Mind, or Sober on a Drunk Planet.

Why do think you should keep drinking? What do you gain by it? It might help you to unpack this a bit.

Ive suffered from generalised anxiety for years. After a couple of increasingly messy years, I stopped drinking 4 months ago, and it was one of the best things I’ve done. I halved my anti-depressant dose about a month ago. Seeing alcohol from a distance instead of close up is a real eye-opener!

i am currently abroad and am on my first ' sober holiday '.
First couple of days felt odd, we associate drinking and holidays so much don't we? A week in though and it's all good. I've had an AF bottle of lager if i've been at a bar on an evening and am enjoying feeling fresh the next day. I stopped drinking in January this year, initially thought i'd do dry January to try and re set my drinking habits but just kept going.

Yes, you would.

Two years sober next week, and there is no downside.

Me too @milkysmum ! I did dry January then decided to see how it went- realised I mainly drank when I was angry, sad or tired, so did sober spring and kept going. I found the first few days of holiday hard, but am loving it now.

how are you feeling this morning @Aurora231 ?

It isn’t at all pathetic! And I like a drink (within reasonable limits) so I’m not coming at this from a self-righteous or moralising perspective.

You are wise enough to know that you no longer enjoy it and that your body and mind don’t function at their best on it. That’s a good thing.

We’re in our mid forties now and we’ve reduced our intake in the last couple of months (as I said it wasn’t excessive to begin with so we hardly have anything anymore tbh) and lately I’ve been thinking that I might reduce it further by not having spirits and just have the odd glass of wine with dinner if I really fancy it. At some point I might stop altogether, although I might not.

There’s no obligation to enjoy alcohol, and if it’s not working for you then you are absolutely free to discard it.

It's quite clear you would be better off not drinking, but I can also understand your confusion about stopping, because it's not like you have a 'drinking problem' in any usual sense. If you were looking for a more socially acceptable phrase to explain why you've stopped drinking, you could perhaps say you've developed an allergy to it (and quite clearly it doesn't agree with you in some way).

I would give up for six months and then evaluate how you've felt without alcohol.

Would you feel pathetic for not being able to handle one line of cocaine or one hit of meth? At the end of the day alcohol is a drug, albeit one that's been normalised by society. I'm the same since I got into my 30s, even just a couple makes me feel depressed for about three days. Why don't you give yourself a goal, say don't drink for 100 days and see how you feel after that? By then you might be in the habit of not drinking and feel much happier.

Think of it like this: it’s more pathetic to keep drinking alcohol when you know it makes you feel awful.

It is a shift, deciding to no longer drink alcohol, and friends who do drink may have opinions on your choice, but it’s such a positive change to make.

Have you read any quit lit? Also there are loads of sobriety podcasts etc.

If cranberry juice made you break out in hives every time you had a glass, nobody would think you pathetic for deciding not to drink it.

You can just decide it’s not really for you, same way that millions of people decide eggplant isn’t for them, or football, or skinny jeans, or Love Island despite the fact that millions of others love all those things.

I also find small amounts of alcohol give me a hangover. I feel like if I have 1 glass or 4 glasses of wine I will probably feel the same so may as well just not bother at all.
I don’t know how some people manage to drink every weekend and seem fine the next day and just get on with life