Please help :(

[Toomuchwine89]

I've had problems with alcohol since my parents bought me some alcopops when I was 12. I'm now 33 and although I have no contact with my parents, I've recently found out that my mum has had breast cancer (she also drinks a lot) and I'm terrified, as I have six young children to be here for.

I've also put put on a bit of weight and my have suddenly aged. I used to be asked for ID every time I bought drink until this year. I feel puffy and bloated. I have always pulled out my eyelashes when anxious but I do it loads when drunk.

But the main issue with stopping is... My 15 month old is certainly going to be my last baby (DH has had the snip). I've spent my whole adult life having babies so it's been difficult to let go. She still stays up with us all evening, mostly breastfeeding as she only sleeps on me. And because of this, my only real "hobby" is eating and drinking. I can't cook, bake, read, exercise, do jobs in the house... Anything really, because I'm glued to baby 24/7. So I pretty much order a takeaway every night and sit on my bum, making my way through a bottle of wine.

It feels so good, melting all my worries away. Until the morning of course.

I just don't know how to stop 😔

Hi @Toomuchwine89@Toomuchwine89

Oops fat thumb posted too soon. I was a nightly drinker which slowly crept into day drinking. Was fun for a while and relaxing then it wasn't and I was desperate to quit.
What worked for me was the audio book 'alcohol explained' took me a few attempts but I kept at it.
You won't regret quitting when you realise you're not giving anything up but gaining your freedom back. Also try Annie grace listen to some of her podcasts each day. It's not always a linear path you may slip up but keep trying and one day it will get easier.

You can read with a baby glued to you (Kindle especially easy) or try some delicious none alcoholic wine. I find it has a placebo effect.

If you know your alcohol is an issue and feel you're using it as a crutch maybe reach out to some services for support.

Thank you. I didn't think of using non alcoholic wine as a "pretend" drink.

I have a kindle and lots of books. Maybe I should actually use them. DH and I just put the tv on and scroll through phones, it's become a habit.

You won’t be able to stop until you actually want to stop.

My guess (and I’m sorry if I’ve got this wrong) is that there’s a lot more going on with you than just your concern about this being your “last baby”. You may need to address these underlying problems before you feeling ready to give up the anaesthetic effects of alcohol.

If you do want to stop drinking, there are some very good books, podcasts, support groups etc out there that can help, but the push needs to come from you.

One of the things I’ve struggled with this year is that my eldest is looking to start university, so I’ve had real issues about my identity- who was I before I was a mother?

If you were young when your first child was born, maybe you feel like you’ve never had an adult identity other than as a mother of babies? That’s tough to move on from, but you will need to do so, for your own sake and the sake of your children.

Posting on here is a good first step. Can you get some support IRL?

Oh I have a whole host of issues. I've been through so much abuse etc. Drinking helps not give so much of a fuck. And it's always something to look forward to for me. I feel settled if there's a bottle waiting for me in the fridge.

DH would support me. He doesn't drink much as he's a driver x