To be as brief as I can:
Married 25 years (together 30) with 2 teenage DC; DH runs his own business which for many years has been stressful.
He drinks and has done for many years.
On average a bottle of red wine per day. Sometimes more.
Gets in from work, does a bit of building work (his choice, we are extending), opens wine and is asleep by 9. He is like a wind up toy; manically on the go all day and then nothing. He is incapable of relaxing, certainly not without a drink.
Gets embarrassing and inappropriate when we go out (even DS has started commenting). This results in me silently fuming and freezing him out for the next few days, creating a Horrible atmosphere in the house.
I don't like going out with him if I know alcohol is involved - he has no off button and I spend the whole time cringing. I couldn't even have a drink at a close friend's 50th party as needed to keep an eye on him. As it turned out he got so drunk he couldn't even talk properly and massively embarrassed me in front of my old friends.
He passed out as soon as we got home and couldn't remember a thing the next day (didn't see any problem).
I've taken to sleeping in a spare room as he absolutely stinks of alcohol and is so restless it disturbs me.
I've told him so many times I hate his drinking and the effect it has on all of us, but there's always a million excuses:
I don't understand how stressful his job is/it's his way home of relaxing
I don't show him enough love
I am a nag
I don't deny I'm not affectionate with him but frankly every time he drinks I get a bit more repulsed and the love erodes bit by bit. He is still an attractive man but the alcohol absolutely turns me off him and then he wonders why I won't go near him.
He says he loves me and DC more than anything in the world and would do anything for us, but cannot/will not stop drinking. I've tried to be understanding and look at how my behaviour might impact on his state of mind, but I'm just exhausted by it all.