Hi
I've posted under a few names over the years. I'm very happily sober and have been for over 18 months. Genuinely don't miss it and love being clear headed and present for my kids
BUT
Their dad very recently lost his battle with alcohol at the ridiculously young age of 44. I'm trying to support my children whilst also grieving myself for what could have been a very different life if he'd only been able to beat it (I don't mean our relationship, that was never going to work as we genuinely didn't make each other happy, but our coparenting could have been so much better than it was).
There's part of me that would love to have a few drinks and switch off for a bit, but I absolutely won't because I realised when I went AF, that alcohol doesn't actually do what I think it does and I've felt so much less anxious since I stopped. I won't risk my sobriety but the fact the thought is there at all is a shame.
I suppose I also wanted to say that my ex went through a very painful, very isolated and bleak death. All from drinking. I don't want anyone else to face the same. And I also don't want anyone's children to have to lose a parent this way. If you are struggling with your drinking, please ask for help. Don't let the semantics around whether you consider yourself an alcoholic or not stop you asking for support. If you are questioning your relationship with drink at all, the chances are you don't have a healthy one. Not preaching and not judging, it was by luck that I didn't end up physically addicted to drink like my ex did, nothing more to it than that.