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Alcohol support

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My husband’s drinking

5 replies

Chimpd0g · 19/06/2022 07:52

Morning everyone, I am really worried about my husband’s drinking. I mentioned it to a couple of close friends and they don’t think he drinks too much.

He drinks every night. There is not a day in the week when he doesn’t drink. He will typically have at least a couple of glasses of wine and 3 beers. Other times he has more - half a bottle of wine and some beers, to the point where he slurs his words.

Apart from the amount, my worry is that it feels like he walks through the door and gets a drink almost immediately. It feels like he does that before even saying hello to the children.
I have noticed that he has been taking the dog for a walk in the evening and coming back having had a drink (or a few). He either takes it with him or buys it on the way.
The other day, I could smell it when he came back and said (not accusingly) “have you been to the pub?”. He said no, went upstairs and came back down smelling of mouthwash.
He will go out with friends, come back having already had plenty to drink, and then carry on drinking by himself.

I have mentioned it a few times and he gets defensive and sulky and says “I wont have a drink then” and makes a cup of tea.

His family is French so they drink wine with every meal and have an aperitif every day, but I feel this is different.

He is otherwise very fit (much fitter than I am) - runs, cycles etc, and I feel that he thinks he’s fine because he does lots of exercise.

Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Idunnowhyibother · 19/06/2022 08:40

Hi OP - if he's lying to you and hiding drinking as it seems from your post I would say yes there if definitely a problem. Let alone the amount he drinks daily...
Just because he is still working/exercising etc doesn't mean he is not a functional alcoholic.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/06/2022 08:42

He is an alcoholic.

Chimpd0g · 19/06/2022 09:25

Thanks for your replies. Reading ‘he is an alcoholic’ makes me feel sick. I’m wondering how best to tackle it. He has no interest in cutting down- I have suggested in the past having maybe a couple of drink free days in the week. He doesn’t listen to me and thinks I’m nagging.
TMI but his poos smell so bad and I am convinced it’s because of the alcohol. What’s worse is his dad (who also drinks too much) has had colon cancer in the past and I’m worried he might go the same way.

I wonder whether to mention it to his best friend. He listens to him and will confide in him. He would be angry with me for saying something so it would need to be done subtly. Unfortunately his friend lives abroad so it would all have to be done over the phone

OP posts:
Chimpd0g · 19/06/2022 09:27

Then I doubt myself and think - is he hiding it because he thinks I’ll nag or something (I don’t constantly nag him about it by the way, as I don’t think this will help)

OP posts:
pointythings · 19/06/2022 19:19

Your husband is absolutely addicted to alcohol and if he is drinking in secret, it's bad. You can't help him - only he can do that. You can help yourself, and I would strongly suggest seeking help from Al-Anon or a similar organisation which provides support for relatives of people with alcohol addiction. You will feel less alone, you will learn about establishing boundaries and you will learn to detach from his behaviour.

Please be prepared for this to lead to the end of your relationship. If you have children, consider their welfare: having an alcohol addicted parent increases their risk. And life without an addicted spouse is infinitely better - I speak from experience.

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