i think I am a functioning alcoholic. I only drink in the evenings, no one knows or would guess. I hold down a professional career. I never miss any obligations nor do i engage in any risky behaviour. But I drink 1-2 bottles of wine per evening. And it’s only that because I go to bed at 9 to avoid drinking more, otherwise I would be hitting 2-3 bottles easily.
I know that it is probably doing me damage but I can find no reason to quit. I have no partner or close family/friends etc, my work isn’t suffering. My pattern is I wake up in the morning and think “I need to cut down on drinking” by 5pm I think “sod it” I don’t really have much reason to keep living so who cares? I am already on 2 lots of anti depressants, which have taken away any imminent suicidal thoughts. But long term I struggle to care what I am doing to myself. I suppose part of me cares or I wouldn’t be thinking in the mornings that I want to cut down. But by the evening it all flies out the window.
So often on here I’ve seen `”this naked mind” recommended. I read it and it made me feel worse! That woman had a loving partner, an abundance of friends, an interesting career. She had every reason to quit drinking, I have none of these things. So where do I find my “reason”. I don’t know how to begin without one.