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Alcohol support

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Mum died 2 weeks ago, liver cirrhosis... Need support

10 replies

whapseef · 09/06/2022 23:45

As the title says really. My mum died 2 weeks ago aged 68, quite unexpectedly. She had been a heavy drinker for years and it really damaged our relationship, I moved out at 15 and remember much of my childhood begging and pleading with her.

I'm 23 now and hadn't seen as much of her in the last couple of years, (due to COVID and our awkward/damaged relationship). For the last few months she was seeming quite unwell but we couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. She would never go to doctors and like most alcoholics was a very good liar. She also had COPD so we put a lot of her symptoms down to this. When she died she was awfully thin, malnourished, had bruises all over her and would get these spells of serious confusion. She drank until the end and was found dead at home on her living room floor with no obvious cause.

Post-mortem revealed mild pneumonia and cirrhosis of the liver (although still waiting for further toxicology). After reading the symptoms of liver failure it all makes sense now. When we went through her things we found loads of diaries of her tracking her drink free days and revealing the depths of her battle with alcohol. Her funeral is on Monday and I'm heartbroken tbh.

Not sure if anyone on here has been through anything similar, but tonight I'm feeling particularly low. What a waste of what could have been a beautiful life.

OP posts:
RedSoloCup · 09/06/2022 23:51

Hi op

So sad to read this sorry

Similar story with my dad who moved abroad a few years ago, still so sad to have lost him but there wasn't anything you could of done really 💐💐💐

onanotherday · 09/06/2022 23:52

FlowersI am so sorry for your loss. Having a parent who has had an addiction makes for complex feelings. It is such a raw time, making sense of everything will need time. I hope you have good friends who will support you. Be kind to yourself there is nothing you could have done to prevent this.

Amdone123 · 09/06/2022 23:57

I am so sorry for your loss. It's a heart breaking situation. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal and expected. You will go through a range of emotions before you accept what has happened.
Is there anyone you can talk to in real life ? It's good to talk. It will help you process your conflicting emotions.
Look after yourself ❤

whapseef · 10/06/2022 00:12

Thank you all for your messages. I am very fortunate to be surrounded by great people and I am also seeing a therapist to try and process some of this a bit better.

I have never been to Al-anon but I have heard about it. I wonder if it's too late now my mum has passed or if they help people in my situation too? Any experiences of Al-anon would be greatly received 😊

OP posts:
Ednadidit · 10/06/2022 00:21

Hi OP
I went through something very similar last year with my mum. 62, though she was in hospital. Pneumonia and liver. I sat her down a few years ago for a real talk about what she was doing and said I was worried that she wouldn’t meet her grandchildren. I was 35 weeks pregnant with her first GC when she died.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through these feelings. Some days I feel so sad and sorry for her that she couldn’t stop but other days I feel angry about every little thing that led to that end. I’m still very up and down. I hope that you have good people to rely on. Happy to PM if you like. Good luck on Monday - my experience was that it was the most surreal day of my life.

Justcrackingon · 10/06/2022 12:30

Hello @whapseef I'm so very sorry for your loss. Just wanted to answer your question about Al-Anon. Certainly at the group I attend there are people whose parents were the alcoholics and have now passed, in some cases a long while ago. So it certainly wouldn't preclude you from joining. It's great that you have support and therapy - Al-Anon could perhaps help you as well as you'll be with people who understand your situation and you will be able to talk about it as much and for as long a period as you like. You could also check out ACA UK meetings, which I believe one of our group members also attends. Sending love and strength for the coming days, weeks and months.

whapseef · 10/06/2022 20:08

Thank you for that info @Justcrackingon ☺️ I have decided to go to my first Al-anon meeting tomorrow morning. I am very nervous but I hope it can help bring me some closure and clarity. Sending love to anyone here affected by alcoholism in any way, it's a cruel disease xx

OP posts:
RosieSun · 10/06/2022 20:41

Hi OP. I don’t have any words of wisdom but have read your post and just wanted to send condolences. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your mum in such a way. Take care of yourself, 💐

manlyago · 12/06/2022 16:34

So sorry @whapseef I also lost my mum young (not to alcohol). Sending you a big hug. It’s such a sad thing. ❤️

LuckyCat4 · 18/06/2022 10:33

Sorry to read this OP. My children have just lost their dad for the same reason. He was in his 40s. We are getting through it together but it won't be easy. I'd realised how ill he was from his symptoms and regular hospitalisations but it doesn't make it any less of a shock.
I hope the funeral was OK

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