Day 1 starts tomorrow and I need all the help!

[Blondefancy]

hello everyone! Ive always wanted to start a thread on this as I’ve been in denial about how much and to what extent I drink. I’ve always really liked a drink and I will find any occasion to do so, whether that be in a good mood or bad. I just can’t do it anymore, I feel shit when I do drink and I feel like i can’t be there for my kids when I do decide to have a couple of glasses at bedtime. I lie about how much I drink and try to cover it up, I drink a bottle of wine one night and then swear I won’t drink for another 2 nights - I won’t cave in for a night but then instantly make the same mistake. Averagely I don’t drink to copious amounts but I drink frequently enough to where I question what the hell im doing. I enjoy life and want to get on with it alcohol free! Every time I swear I won’t drink I just end up caving in or simply forgetting that I made this promise to myself. I have 2 beautiful kids and a lovely partner yet I drink wine in the evenings and just wake up feeling like shit - just wondering why I still continue to do it. I want tomorrow to be day 1 and would love it if others are on the same page.

I don't want to quit completely but I need to cut down. Currently hungover & aiming to start a detox today!

It’s my 33rd birthday today and day one for me too! I don’t drinking every day, can go days or even weeks with out a drink, but when I do, it’s to excess. This is a long overdue decision for me I think! Has anyone got any tips for alcohol support apps or books? Im trying to educate myself as much as possible, as well as working on some of my underlying issues (which lead me to drink in an extremely unhealthy way!) - good luck everyone!

Hope everyone has had a good first day!! I spent the day following out a plan which meant I didn’t get overly stressed or demanded too much of myself, which has definitely helped as it is now 6.45pm and I haven’t drunk! Ordered myself some more exercise weights and new skincare to make myself feel better next week! How’s everyone else going? X

I hear that there are some great audio books!

I survived a birthday dinner without alcohol and bought myself a fancy ‘mindfulness’ diary / notebook to try to track progress… and I’m going to spend my evening planning meals for this week. Rock and roll!

Well done that’s amazing!! Just think how amazing it’s going to be waking up tomorrow morning not feeling like 💩! To do a birthday without the booze is such an achievement I would massively struggle 😳

Hi there I stopped on 27.th December after another embarrassing day/night of drinking. Never been a habitual drinker more a binge drinker that can't handle it. Anyway I came here to say good luck and read a book called this naked mind.

Feels great to be waking up feeling fresh this morning! Also investing in some nice products like sheet masks etc. to look forward to in the evenings. I've got three events in June that I'm going to drink at, I just want to cut down on the drinking at home for no reason. I'm also on a countdown for my summer holiday so really looking forward to a bit of a detox and hopefully weight loss before that. Good luck everyone x

Well done everyone! And thanks @teaandtoastwithmarmite for the book recommendation. Currently in a child’s play cafe thing and definitely feels more bearable being here hangover free! I think with things like the birthday meal, so much of it is about breaking the habit for me. And the expectation that it will escalate into more drinks, meeting friends out etc. Agree with @Oliveandbay that little self-care treats are a great alternative indulgence - especially if they go hand in hand with feeling much better in general! Keep going everyone! X

Yes I’d like to cut down at drinking at home too! It’s day 3 (or 2 whenever I started this thread!) 😂 I lose track of days! Of not drinking! And I feel SO MUCH HAPPIER already. I take medication for my anxiety and it just prevents it from working properly, a good indication that I’ve been drinking too much. How is everyone else doing?

I have found that already I can cope with the little stressors so much easier, I’m able to respond to my kids in far better ways when they’re playing up! I’m hoping that I’ll keep remembering this in the upcoming days as it’s always around the day 5 mark that I cave in 😳

I'm back to the gym tonight, had a good day food wise and feeling optimistic. I don't normally drink Mon-Thursday anyway so I'm usually ok during the week. I tend to drink two bottles of wine over a weekend - I'd like to cut that down to one bottle over 2/3 days or better still no wine and just a few gin and tonics as it's less calories! Glad you're feeling less anxious - how fab.

Good on you for getting to the gym! Didn’t manage that but got a lot of fruit and veg and drank a ton of water. Did also scoff a chocolate brownie and some wine gums, but hey ho.

@Blondefancy keep re-reading your posts when you feel like you might cave in… they’ll remind you how much better you feel and why it’s all worth it!

Hi well done for starting out! Everything you say resonated with me too. I'm on day 35 and it's been bloody hard but so wonderful the benefits totally are shining through! I wanted to suggest the sober diaries it was brilliant and funny and she is a mum of 3 etc etc try it out. Also come along to the freedoms thread you will have the best support there ! Good luck! X

The sister of a dear friend of mine died yesterday in hospital from liver failure from drinking too much. She was really good at being an alcoholic. She hid it from everyone but it caused problems in her marriage whether or not her husband knew the extent of her problem. She started feeling poorly in the last couple of months (back pain, extended abdomen) but she kept denying it and except for a couple of visits to urgent care she never went to a doctor. She collapsed on Thursday. Her family was stunned by the fact that her liver had failed and could not figure out how that could happen (until the doctor told them). They were going to try to get her on the transplant list but she died yesterday. On her sons graduation day. She was 49 years old. That alcohol sure can creep up on you.

Thankyou lovely ladies!! Yes i will defo find the freedom thread! 😇 That chocolate brownie sounds amazing right now, I’ve decided that I’m going to let myself have some treats as a replacement for when I feel like a glass! Maybe it’s not the healthiest but I don’t think my relationship with alcohol was doing very well anyway - I eat well and exercise daily so it’ll balance out! I’m not sure how I didn’t get a lot bigger then I am in all honesty after drinking wine all the time?!

ive never been able to give up drinking alcohol for more than 5 days (aside from pregnancy) since I was about 15 😳 no wonder my relationship with it has always been off! Is this the same with you all as well? X

Can you identify scenarios which might be linked to you automatically thinking that you'd fancy a drink? I'm trying to cut right back, it has been creeping up. I've tried to really think hard to identify those times where I will just think "ah fuck it" and crack open the gin. It's usually in the evening when I'm in the kitchen and thinking about starting to cook dinner. Especially if I''ve had a bit of a stressful day, I'll just tell myself "well it's only one. And I won't have any tomorrow". (but of course, I do).

I remember when DH was trying to stop smoking he said it was the linked habitual behaviour which made it harder. eg if he bought a pint in a pub he'd immediately light up (this was in the late 90s!). So we just avoided pubs while he was trying to break the habit. It's not like I can avoid the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner, but I've thought that maybe I can ensure that I have nice non-alcoholic drinks in instead, use ice and garnishes etc. So that it's something to look forward to and savour rather than just a boring glass of water.

Could you set yourself the goal of going to bed early with a book/ipad? Just so that you're away from the usual routine where you link "kids in bed" with "get the wine out".

Does your partner drink in the evenings? Can you make a health pact to just cut it out during the week? So you can keep each other in check, kind of thing?

I get what you mean and yes I definitely have some things that I link alcohol with - evenings is one, getting through the bedtime routine, after a long day, wanting to celebrate. If I feel a really intense emotion, whether it be through happiness about something or sadness I immediately think “oh a drink would make this emotion either better (when I’m happy) or go away (when I’m sad). I use alcohol as a way of not having to face my emotions - I get overwhelmed by them! maybe I need therapy…might be a thought 😂

Thankyou for asking and wanting to know though it’s really helped even typing it out! I can sympathise with your husband for smoking, it’s something I’ve had an on again-off again relationship with also!

Watching for support! Good luck all.

For me, the time when I most think ‘ah sod it’ is when I’m out with friends (dinner, pub, etc) and everyone else is drinking. I could probably go for weeks on end if I just stayed in all the time! There’s definitely a link to some kind of social anxiety there or not feeling ‘fun enough’ if I haven’t had a couple of wines. Drinking is also intrinsically linked to the feeling of forming friendships for me (I suppose I become more ‘open’ after a drink… although this has definitely been detrimental in the past too!)

It occurred to me that my attitude towards drinking has been a habit that’s coming up to nearly 20 years in the making now and it’s daunting to think about how the heck I’m supposed to unlearn all of that! I’ve actually got an appointment with a therapist today to try and unpack some of this too, so we’ll see how that goes.

Is it day 4 today? Keep going everyone! Although I know it’s going to be Thursday / Friday when the temptation really starts to kick in… one day at a time, and let’s be kind to ourselves if we do slip up. At least we’re recognising behaviours that need to change, even if we don’t quite succeed on the first (or first few!) attempts!

@Blondefancy

Best of luck with getting your drinking down or stopping or whatever balance you'd love to have with it. Hope you get there! Don't beat yourself up if you have a few blips, there's always tomorrow. I've given up drinking after having an unhealthy relationship with it for years. Lots of boozy dinners and drinking at home over the years, even drinking whole bottles of wine and a bit on my own when DP was away. The thing that changed for me was I went through post natal depression and had really bad insomnia as a symptom. I was using booze to help me get to sleep (which it did) but it would cause me to wake lots and I felt awful the next day and emotional and regretful. I just couldn't live like that anymore. I haven't had a drink since Christmas now and I genuinely feel like I'm better for it. I don't know if I'll ever drink again but for now I really like being sober. It has been a big shift for me mentally. Good luck to you

Just wanted to say keep it up!! Whether it’s day 4 or 5, its long enough hangover free that you think well maybe ONE glass isn’t too bad…
i have a lot of respect for people facing their demons. I’ll face mine one day. And hopefully they’ll be someone cheering me on at day 5 too!
Hope everyone has a good day in the sunshine today :)

I can really relate to using it to sleep but it just making sleeping worse!! It’ll be day 4 today (I think) and I’m very proud I’ve kept on track! I find that if it’s not in the house I don’t have the urge as much. I’m ashamed to say that my DP got 3 bottles of wine last week and I drank them all (spaced out over the week). It was at that moment I realised I need to cut back and abstain for a while! How’s everyone doing? Happy day 4!! X

You’ll have all the cheering on I’m sure!! One day at a time xx

Hi everyone, I’ve lurked for a while but am so sick of this I’m joining in.
im ok on a ‘school night’, but my dc are coming to the end of those now and have months of holidays ahead, and if I drink a bottle of wine a night every night, and I would as I’m incapable of moderation, I’ll be ill, and the size of a house before long.

im on day 3 today, and will be fine until Friday.
But how does anyone do an alcohol-free weekend??? Especially in the summer???

Am I going to have to go to Sainsbury’s and buy a load of undrinkable alcohol-free nonsense like the overpriced and frankly imo disgusting seed lip??