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My Relationship with my alcoholic sister and my frail 73 year old mum

2 replies

Igiveup124 · 25/05/2022 01:00

It's in the title. That's where it starts. And ends. And not well, I guess, although I live in hope/or denial. How can it end ???? How do I support them both. Without getting angry, frustrated, sad or .. desperate, or exploding at both of them. I am watching them both fade away. Literally. I work in the shop where my sister buys her alcohol. I know what she drinks, at least half a bottle of vodka, a day, at least, for the last few years. Before that it was 2 bottles of wine a day. I watch my mum buying my sister's groceries, paying her rent, feeding her kids, doing her washing, etc etc it's endless. My colleagues see it too, and my employers. My sister has actually told me she exaggerates her endless troubles, especially regarding her kids father, because that way my mum gives her more money to "help" her out. I am watching them both fade away, literally, they have both lost so much weight through illness and stress. My mum used to be able to help out, but she has got so frail and broken recently nd I don't think my sister see's it. Despite living in the same small village, neither of them will visit each other, because they can't walk the 5 minute trip to see each other.. I could help more too, but I pretend it's not real, but I don't know how much longer I can be in denial for, before I hurt them both. It's killing me. I don't know how to save them both without hurting them both. I have trying everything on so many levels. I can't tell my mum what my sister told me, without hurting my mum even more. I have cried tears for them both, but I've now gone beyond that, and it's scaring me. I would normally do anything for anyone to help out, but it's wasted energy because they won't admit this is real, I am tired, beyond sad, and I am trying to be a single parent to my own 2 sons and be a good mum and provide a happy stable home on my own. What can I do that will make any difference to my mum and sister. My world is very small. Everything I have written here is my whole world. My family and my job. Can anyone please help make it better, please tell me what I have to do to fix it. I want to save my mum and sister. The dawning knowledge ,in my head, keeps getting louder and it says they will die together. How do I stop it becoming reality. Or is it too late. What can I actually do ??????? Please help us xxx.

OP posts:
aggressivesleeper · 25/05/2022 01:11

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this, it sounds really tough. It seems to me that being in a small community and everyone’s lives being so intertwined makes it that much harder.

This is not very original advice, but if there's an Al-anon group near you, that is always a good place to start. They also have a lot of resources online and a helpline. I'm afraid I don't have much advice beyond that but connecting with people going through the same thing will be helpful both on a practical and "spiritual" (as they like to call it) level.

Walkingalot · 25/05/2022 01:26

Tough love is what's needed. If there are kids involved then you could/should report (anon) your sister to social services. It might be the kick up the arse she needs to sort her life out.

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