I'm drinking too much

[orion678]

Ugh. Just that. I'm not physically addicted - I regularly go for weeks / months without drinking when I plan it, and I quit completely over both my pregnancies... but I drink too much at the moment, often sneaking drinks when my family don't know I'm doing it. If I psychoanalyse - it's a self-destructive cycle where (I think) I feel bad because of things in my childhood, and it's honestly a form of self harm. But I have two kids and I need to grow up and stop making everything worse. To be clear - I'm not drunk around my kids and they never see me drinking, and I don't regularly get hungover so it doesn't massively affect my parenting - but I drink most days and always just have that 'extra one' and I envy my husband who can honestly just take it or leave it. Not sure why I'm posting. Probably just for accountability. I want to cut down, and be a good parent, and mostly just stop the cycle of self harm - but I don't really know how to get myself out of what feels like a repeating loop!

Hi op,it sounds like you might benefit from counselling you have alot to unpick. I understand the need to drink it quiets the voices and allows you to think. However, I suspect your DC are affected, it's unusual they are not. It might just be they notice a change in you.

Quitting particularly in your situation might be the best option. Believe me I know.

You're right on all points. It does impact my family, even if they don't know why, because I'm more tired and temperamental than I would be if I didn't drink, or only drank in moderation. And yes on the counselling. I've had a fair bit of counselling over the years, and the thought of more is exhausting - because it's hard work. And I sometimes feel demoralized by the realization that I've been in counselling, made progress, then fell back into a self harming loop. But then, there are issues I've never raised in counselling. Ugh. Just feels sometimes like a steep uphill.

I understand counselling is tough. Have you ever had success resolving any issues with it? I am sure you know how bad alcohol is for your MH. I found I was short tempered and anxious when drinking so didn't have it in me to address any issues.

Since quitting I can see things alot more clearly. That way I guess counselling would perhaps be more effective as you would be truly present. You owe this to your children but you know that. This is what has encouraged me to stay sober.

If it helps, im the same.

Have you ever had EMDR with a clinical psychologist? It is effective for substance misuse difficulties. It involves processing the past without unpicking it in the way you do in traditional talking therapies. Some people find it more palatable especially where there has been past trauma

I will look into this, thank you. A friend is having EMDR and finds it very effective, but somehow it didn't occur to me to look into this for myself!