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Alcohol support

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Original poster

How to tell people I no longer drink

20 replies

AlexanderTheGreat · 23/04/2022 12:06

I’ve decided to stop drinking.

I just wondered how other people had dealt with telling friends. I’m not really sure how to put it- I just feel that alcohol isn’t doing me any favours and like the idea of giving up completely. But the amount I drink is quite similar to what many of my friends drink and I’m worried about sounding sanctimonious or boring. (I have one friend who complains every year when I do dry Jan and insists on postponing plans until February 🙄)

one idea I’ve had is that I could accept a drink but not drink it (a trick from early pregnancy days) as people tend not to notice. But that’s not really a long term strategy.

any suggestions gratefully received.

OP posts:

Triffid1 · 23/04/2022 12:15

Quite simply, any friends that have an issue with you not drinking, are not friends.

A simple, "I'm not drinking anymore. I just realised it wasn't working for me." should suffice.

My best friend of 30+ years, with whom I have shared many drunken nights and casual glasses of wine stopped drinking. Except for some mild concern on my part that perhaps she was drinking more than I knew and that she was/had been struggling and didn't feel able to tell me, it has been no problem. We still chat, laugh, spend time together etc. I don't care if a friend hates chinese food or would rather eat broken glass than watch a rugby game, so why would I care if they don't drink?

FusionChefGeoff · 23/04/2022 12:23

You say this:

"I’m not really sure how to put it- I just feel that alcohol isn’t doing me any favours and like the idea of giving up completely."

As this is the truth

UnsuitableHat · 23/04/2022 12:23

Good for you OP. I think you need to be upfront about it - the pretending to drink thing isn’t a very good idea - apart from anything else, a bit of a waste of money for the person buying it!
I’m trying to have a dry year and haven’t had a drink since New Year. I just say ‘I’m
not drinking at the moment’ - some people are a bit surprised at first, then not bothered. You’ll find it’s not an issue for most people.
And you won’t sound sanctimonious or boring unless you go on about it or criticise other people’s drinking habits - which you don’t need to do - just get on with drinking what you want to drink.

UnsuitableHat · 23/04/2022 12:25

@FusionChefGeoff yes!
Just put it as you’ve said in your OP.

RNBrie · 23/04/2022 12:32

I gave up drinking 4 years ago and it's a bit weird at first. I was never a big drinker but I'd usually have a glass of wine or two on a night out.

I started off by saying I was doing it for a couple of months to see how I feel about it...

Conversation would go like this... shall we get a bottle?... oh actually I'm not drinking at the moment... oh right OK, ill just get a glass then....

It's not as big a deal as it might feel like and people get used to it really quickly. Good luck!

starrynight21 · 23/04/2022 12:38

When my DH reached that point, he decided to give up entirely. He also didn't know what to say to his friends / work colleagues ( his workplace had a big drinking culture and they would harass anyone who didn't have a few after work). I suggested that he might lie - tell them that he had been diagnosed with a stomach ulcer and the doctor had told him that drinking must cease because of it. That might sound like cheating, but he did it and nobody ever commented on his drinking from that day. He'd get a soft drink, it was never a problem.

Donkeyinamanger · 23/04/2022 12:47

Can't you just say it doesn't seem to agree with you any more so you've given up. That's no reflection on anyone else and is basically what you've said here.

crackingreward · 23/04/2022 12:51

I just said I couldn't t handle the hangovers anymore because as I got older even a couple of drinks would leave my hard banging.

gogohm · 23/04/2022 12:52

Just say for now you have given up drinking, don't use the word forever as that sounds preachy. If they can't accept your choice they aren't friends

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/04/2022 12:52

I gave up day after Boxing Day. At first i said dry January, detox etc then as time went on I just said I'd be drunk if I had even one now it's been so long. There was no big announcement just little gradual updates and comments. Good for you op. If people can't support you they're not worth it

tuliplover · 23/04/2022 13:16

I give up for Lent and it's never an issue. Only one friend ever said 'so boring'. I meet up with another friend most Fridays gif a glass of wine, and it was no problem to have a juice or tea or whatever - she still had her wine.
I also have friends who don't drink because they don't like the taste, or just don't drink. As long as you are ok with others drinking, I don't see why anyone would be bothered about what's in your glass.

Twizbe · 23/04/2022 13:24

I gave up drinking in Jan 21. Mostly I just didn't order alcohol. If someone asked I was either a) driving - truth as I wasn't drinking I offered to drive a lot b) told them I was doing a personal challenge to not drink for the whole of 2021.

I made my goal and felt better for it so I've kept it up. No one has said anything about it.

brightspice · 25/04/2022 10:22

I'm very familiar with your question, OP! It's weird how when you cut back or stop drinking people feel they have the right to quiz you on it - even total strangers!!

I suggest you plan ahead what you're going to say. Then practice saying it to yourself in the mirror if you feel you need a bit more of a confidence boost. The trick is for YOU to feel good about the words coming out of your mouth. I used to agonise about this but the more I was ready for the questions the easier it became.

Eventually people will give up going on about it. Good luck.

boronia · 25/04/2022 11:32

People who comment may secretly be self conscious about their own drinking levels and sometimes want to make you look like the strange one to normalise their own drinking habits.
I was never a big drinker but almost totally lost the taste for it after a health condition some years ago ( not drinking related).
Just say you're having a break from it and you don't know for how long. People should respect your decision and not be querying you if they're real friends.

brightspice · 25/04/2022 16:15

@boronia yes agree that people will look to others to normalise their own drinking habits. I see this a lot.

reindeesandchristmastrees · 01/05/2022 20:45

I've just told people the truth - that it really affects my sleep so I'm not drinking. My friends have been really good but I have tried really hard to not be preachy about it and it helps that I think I'm better company sober in any event. Most of them are enjoying the fact that I'll drive them home :-)

Ls6jan · 06/05/2022 12:20

I used to find this really difficult in the early days. Now that I'm fully confident in my sober shoes, I tell people, "I'm trying to get to an average of 14 unit a week." It takes a moment, but usually gets a laugh!

Mintchocicechip · 07/05/2022 18:03

My ex quit drinking he was an alcoholic.

You just need to be confident in saying

' drinks poison to me I was starting to go down the wrong road so I've quit'

Just be honest and don't be ashamed. It is poison to many. Stay sober and be proud. Well done for seeing what you need to do.

QuebecBagnet · 07/05/2022 18:06

I didn’t drink much before but stopped completely as when I hit my mid 30s even a small amount made me feel ill. I just told people that I think I’ve developed some sort of intolerance to it and stopped.

LollyLol · 07/05/2022 18:14

Your post is so reasonably worded, I can't imagine you seeming sanctimonious. I'm not sure you need to announce it - just go on your night out/dinner and then when you get there if someone suggests sharing a bottle say, "oh not for me thanks" and if they push it then say "yeah I realised I feel better when I'm not drinking so I've decided to stop, it just doesnt do me any favours any more."

I've recently developed a condition where I can no longer tolerate alcohol at all, and I don't miss it at all now. I feel so horrible if I try to drink that it simply isnt worth it. I've had a few sympathetic comments like the world is ending, I've had a few social occasions with people drinking quite heavily, still had fun and no one seemed to really care in the end. Your friends will adjust, you'll feel healthier, it will be on.

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