Functioning Alcoholic

[Chatty75]

Hi Everybody,

Can I please start by apologising for gate-crashing your site as I am neither female or a parent, I just wanted to chat with somebody who is also struggling with alcoholism and unbelievably this was the only forum I googled who made it easy to get help.

For over 30 years now I have been what is often described as a "functioning alcoholic" and indeed I went beyond that as when I was finally made redundant after 30 years with the same employer because of Covid I was told that I was the best worker they ever had and was given a golden handshake, what they didn't know was that I had been a liability for at least 20 of those 30 years.

I have no surviving relatives or a partner so it is just myself and my devoted doggy companion who I inherited from my mum when she passed away and he is now getting to an age where he is having medical problems that are causing me concern.

Since I was made redundant I have been expected to find another job but this is incredibly difficult because I am now well and truly in the clutches of addiction and I just don't know what to do. While I was working for my previous employer I could get as drunk as possible and still do my job which is also something my workmates never realised, for over 20 years I was waking up at 5am every morning and making myself sick so that I didn't have to worry about doing it at work and for the last few years I explained my doubling over with liver cramps with having sore ribs.

I don't want to live this life anymore as it's making me miserable, the pandemic has made it almost impossible to have a one-to-one chat with someone about this and I feel so isolated and desperate so any help or advice would be invaluable to me. Thank You.

Sorry for your issues. I definitely do drink too much, so can sympathize with you, but I can’t offer any suggestions

I unfortunately can't offer any professional advice but I just wanted to say how brave you are reaching out for help! I think knowing you have a problem with alcohol and wanting to change is a huge step! Whilst it is not that same as your situation, I had periods in my life where I drank far too much! The best way I found to break the routine/habit was to get a hobby or get into exercise! The distraction really helped me and exercising made me feel really good mentally! I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but I'm sending you a virtual hug! Maybe take your lovely dog on some walking adventures over Easter

LCD39 thank you so much for your kind words and it's much appreciated, I understand that those on this site may not be able to help me but there just seems to be a complete lack of care right now for those needing help so I thought why not give it a go? I'm incredibly blessed because I only live 5 minutes away from the beautiful Yorkshire countryside and that's honestly one of the reasons I'm still here, my dog is a 12 year-old Border Collie and we go out for walks on moor land for nearly three hours a day which is the only thing that keeps me sane!

Hi OP

Couple of suggestions:

Assuming you are in the UK, Google search for your local drug and alcohol service. You should be able to contact them direct and they will help you to reduce or become abstinent safely. They will be completely non judgemental and will probably also have employment advisors to support you back into work, when the time is right.

Also, many people who are alcohol dependent claim ESA rather than UC so are not pressured into looking for work

Failing the above contact your GP for help.

There's a lot if support out there, once you start looking.

@Chatty75 oh lovely! The Yorkshire Moors are beautiful! Fresh air and beautiful landscapes are good for the soul! And very jealous you have a dog too! Could you see if there are any local walking groups! I'm 39 and did an organised Yorkshire three peaks trek and the actual three peaks a few years back and met lots of wonderful people all different ages and backgrounds! Also, not sure if you love food but maybe treat yourself to a really yummy meal/cake/whatever you fancy after a long walk out and a nice cuppa (Yorkshire tea of course)! It can be really comforting! Also, have you tried reaching out to see if there are any AA meetings? My good friend found it invaluable help! Keep yourself busy and keep reaching out! Also, volunteering whilst you're looking for work might be a good way to keep yourself busy. I think there's some good websites which list different opportunities in different areas! Sending hugs and loads of luck! You have got this! Xxx

I think different people on hete have found help in different places, but I would think from reading others' posts obvious places to start might be talking to your go, or alcoholics anonymous. If you browse this forum youll find lots of recemmendations for books and podcasts too.

GP not go, sorry about my dreadful typing!

It sounds as if you are physically addicted to alcohol. Please see your Gp, you might need medical help in order to safely stop. Your gp will also be able to refer you to support groups.

I would start with a conversation with your GP. Well done for making the decision to change.

Have you tried something like Alcoholics Anonymous? If you are often alone, it might be useful for you to have the human interaction, as well as a reason to get out of the house and someone to be accountable to?

From what you've said, it sounds like you need more tangible support, although I'm sure the NHS services are probably woeful in this area at the moment.

Do you think you might be suffering with depression?

AA seem to be running f2f meetings, lots listed in Yorkshire, some specifically for newcomers. They have email and online chat if phone calls are daunting. Or as people have said contact local nhs service. Might be an idea to get a full medical too. I imagine it’s really difficult to take the first step but do many people have similar problems nobody will be judging.
Are you in a position that you could help walk other peoples’ dogs? There are charities that ask for volunteers for those too unwell or elderly to walk their own dogs. Possibly something to think about when you’re through this difficult period and you’re not able to work

Hi OP. Have you heard of Addaction, now known as We Are With You?

www.wearewithyou.org.uk/

I have a friend who has used them before in the past and they can offer you support. They have group sessions and they also offer one to one appointments. :)

I'm very aware of the fact that I'm addicted to alcohol which is why I posted, unfortunately we are now living in a society where unless your problem is Covid related then nobody within the NHS is interested and there is little to no support which is why I haven't even been able to speak in person to my GP who I have been registered with for 47 years! This will most likely be the last time I post here as I'm clearly in the wrong forum but I would still like to thank LCD39 for her kindness, wherever I go in the future with my struggle it is special people like you that make it possible. XX

I work with people with addictions. Your GP really should be the starting point. AA/12 steps is great but the style is not for everyone. There is a degree of spirituality required. Addaction is a good call or there will be local support services in your area.

Is there anyone you can confide in? I know you seem very isolated but maybe an old work colleague as you seem to be well respected there? Some people believe that sharing your problem can reduce its power.

Good luck.

There's also SMART recovery, they're CBT based and are an alternative to AA.

I'm sorry you can't see a GP, that's awful. To be honest my GP wasn't great anyway. I referred myself to a local addiction service and went to rehab. It took a long time, if I'm honest about two years of trying really hard and relapses but I'm sober now and totally happy. Please seek help through any where you can get it, you're doing so well acknowledging it. I mean that, I know how hard it all is. You can do it.

I totally sympathise with you, I know I definitely drink too much but am trying to deal with it. I have a DS with ASD who I can no longer cope with so have been using alcohol as a way of coping. I would try your GP again. I am sorry I am not able to help much but I am here trying to get to sleep for work in the morning with my DS screaming at me.

Op, you can self refer into alcohol services, you don't need to go via your GP. Different companies have the contracts in different areas. They will provide treatment and can also signpost you on to support and recovery groups.

@Chatty75 You are going to die if you don't stop. Of course, you will die even if you do stop. But you will more than likely die within 10-15 years max if you don't stop. Maybe even less. i can hear it in your words that you are far into it.

I say that as someone who has alcohol problems. A lot of my family have / had alcohol problems and are either stopped or dead from it.

You are still young and you sound like you have a lot going for you. You can only help yourself and I hope you make it xx

Just to second - you don’t need to go to your GP first. Google your area and ‘community alcohol service’ and there will be a number and email for them. They have doctors and nurses there and you can have a chat and decide what changes you would like to make. They’ll support you and will listen to your worries. Good luck!

My late dp was a functional alcoholic, he passed away age 34 from cirrhosis of the liver. Speak to your GP & self refer to your local drug & alcohol service. How much are you drinking each day? To be getting liver cramps sounds like you have some degree of liver damage. You need a detox ASAP, before long you will have ascites where your stomach blows up like you are 9 months pregnant with triplets. That is when your liver disease is end stage. Get a detox even if it means 5 days in hospital, you may even be able to have a home detox, you can't cheat, they breath test you each day before giving you the detox meds. You also need counselling to find out why you drink & try to change the way you use alcohol to prop you up.

Do you have family and or friends in your life OP? Any hobbies? (No not patronising).
Do you have real life company that doesn't necessarily involve your dog?

@Chatty75 this is exactly what my OH is like. Smartest man I know and even half cut all the time he's amazing at his job.

I have no advice but I hope you beat this and get the help you need.

One Little Pill, plus TED talks by Claudia Christian are likely to resonate with you, from your post wording - from there you can do your due diligence and see a very good option for you to explore to help you with reducing your alcohol consumption.