I've done it again

[Eurghhhh45]

I'm so angry with myself. After a long period not drinking I went out at the weekend and ended up drinking a lot.
To make matters worse I bumped into an ex colleague and spoke with them for a few minutes.
I know some pretty sensitive information about another colleague who she used to be friends with.
I can recollect most of the conversation, and didnt even think about the other colleague but now I'm paranoid I've said something.
I've messaged the ex colleague who just said you were fine, in the hope that if I had said something she would mention it.
I'm so stressed and worried and really angry with myself . I keep creating really bad scenarios in my head it's awful.
Why oh why do I do it?

I wish I had the answer ! I haven't but just thought I'd post to support as I've been there. Many times.
You've messaged the colleague and she said you were fine, so try to put that out of your mind. To an extent. You can learn from this ( so it's not entirely a disaster!)
What were you drinking and how much ? ( did you drink something that's too strong for you....did you drink before you went out ? Were you better when you were not drinking ? Would you rather abstain in the future?)
Rather than dwelling on what you said / might have said, or beating yourself up, or wishing you could turn back time ( you can't), think about the way forward.
I've had many nights out like this where I've made a complete and utterly fool of myself. It's taken me a while, but I think I've sorted it. For example, it was my sister's hen do Saturday. When I felt like I was getting too drunk, I slipped away. It's about knowing your limits so you avoid this horrible anxiety ( hangxiety).
It's not worth it.

@Amdone123 I drank wine before I went out then carried on.
I am much better when I dont drink and need to take responsibility for my actions. I've decided that saying I cant drink responsibly then I am going to have to not drink at all.
I am now so anxious it's ridiculous, like I say message back was non descriptive so guessing if i had of said something,it would of been mentioned. I'm still worried though. I'm not sure what the way forward is, but was very late when I saw ex colleague so I'm guessing she had ,had a lot to drink too, so perhaps she cant really remember much either. I feel very disappointed in myself x

I think it's natural to still be worried. It shows you're a human being with feelings.
Another thing I would say is if a friend of yours were in this situation, what would you say to them ? Then say this to yourself.

@Eurghhhh45 can you remember what prompted you to drink? What you were feeling? Doing? Saying? That's where you'll find the answer to your question why do I do it

I'm with you. and now I can't stop again.

Been in this situation all you can do is use this as ammunition to really want to change. Add this to your 'jar' of bad memories and close the lid! Nothing more exhilarating going out completely sober around people off their faces- try it and really see how you feel. I've had to stop completely and I'm worse in situations I get anxious in as drink helps.

Also don't beat yourself up. You were probably fine and probably just have the beer fear!