five bottles of wine between saturday night an Sunday night.

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

How has he not died from alcohol poisoning? He didn't even seem to have a hangover.

He's always drunk in binges but tells me he's not an alcoholic because he can give up - usually for about 4 months, sometimes as long as 8. During that time he swaps his inappropriate use of alcohol for an inappropriate use of exercise.

He's a functioning alcoholic, though, how he's functioning with that amount of drink is beyond me. He's now trying to hide the amount of wine he's necking, and when I pointed it out he said "well, that wasn't me, someone else must have taken some". He's like a cliche, including denial, defensiveness, piss-hole eyes and brewery BO.

He says he'll speak to his GP about it. He only agreed because I pushed him, I'm waiting to hear his excuses about why it's impossible for him to see his GP.

Apparently there's not a problem here because he has given up. To be fair, he hasn't drunk anything since 3am on Sunday morning so perhaps I'm over reacting.

I'm getting divorced, amn't I? Realistically, there's no way out of this, it's been a decade of drink and neglect with a dusting of verbal abuse.

It's sad.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Sorry, I meant to say that I'm sorry your husband died.

It's not an easy way to go, in general. I hope you are doing ok.

Thank you for sharing your skill set so some randomer on the internet gets some support, that is kind of you.

You're welcome. We're all doing pretty well. My DDs have both needed a lot of therapy because their dad was emotionally abusive alongside the alcohol addiction, but it doesn't sound as if yours is. Nevertheless you will find that not sharing your life with an alcoholic is better to a degree that you simply cannot imagine. We struggled financially at first, but it was still worth it. My situation was a bit different in that my husband made threats to kill against me and was removed by the police, but the outcome was the same. About three days after he left, I heard my DD1 singing in the shower - she hadn't done that for years because he would always yell at her to stop. It's only got better since.

If you have any questions, feel free to pm me. I do this stuff for a reason.

Thank you.

I'm a bit choked up.

I'm glad you made it work for you and your kids. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm really glad your daughter sings again.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

How has he not died from alcohol poisoning? He didn't even seem to have a hangover.

He's always drunk in binges but tells me he's not an alcoholic because he can give up - usually for about 4 months, sometimes as long as 8. During that time he swaps his inappropriate use of alcohol for an inappropriate use of exercise.

He's a functioning alcoholic, though, how he's functioning with that amount of drink is beyond me. He's now trying to hide the amount of wine he's necking, and when I pointed it out he said "well, that wasn't me, someone else must have taken some". He's like a cliche, including denial, defensiveness, piss-hole eyes and brewery BO.

He says he'll speak to his GP about it. He only agreed because I pushed him, I'm waiting to hear his excuses about why it's impossible for him to see his GP.

Apparently there's not a problem here because he has given up. To be fair, he hasn't drunk anything since 3am on Sunday morning so perhaps I'm over reacting.

I'm getting divorced, amn't I? Realistically, there's no way out of this, it's been a decade of drink and neglect with a dusting of verbal abuse.

It's sad.

I feel your pain OP, wishing your future luck and happiness

You'll sing again too, vivariumsvivaria - or whatever it is you do when you aren't churned up with stress from watching the empties pile up, listening to the minimising, the lies and the denial and from seeing the man you love ruining his health. The impact of that is incredible, and when the weight lifts, you wonder how you ever coped. Keep working towards your departure. I was 49 when he was made to leave, 50 when he died - that was 8 months after moving out.

I've even come to terms with the fact that I wished him dead - on multiple occasions. The times that stick in my mind most were the times when my DDs landed in hospital on separate occasions, I did the Good Parent thing and tried to contact him, and he never answered, never responded to messages, because he was too drunk to give a shit about his own kids. But still, the guilt... I'm over it now.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria
Just thought of you this morning, hope you are doing ok today. Hope you enjoyed you evening last night. Thinking of you.

Make sure you get some legal advice before doing anything like leaving the family home. I believe the Citizens Advice Bureau can give you some good initial advice for free

Thank you all.

He's being attentive, doesn't seem to have drunk a drop - and there's half a bottle of wine in the fridge, is actually doing reasonable things and makin conversation with me.

He has not, and will not, make a GP appointment.

This is the pattern, he tries to be Model Husband for a week, sometimes 2,a nd then round we go again.

ITs' a shame, he's good company when he's not being an arse. His problem is that I think this is just pretend, arse is his default.

Thank you, though, I'm feeling ok. I'll plod on and sort out money and see what happens.

This is what they do. It's how they reinforce their denial - 'look at me, I'm able to not drink, therefore I'm not an alcoholic and you are unreasonable to challenge me about my behaviour around alcohol'. I'm glad you are seeing through it so clearly.

Yes. It's not the first time I've seen this, it's been going on for a decade. And every time it gets worse.

He believes it, he really does. The denial is resolute, and it's sad to see. I can't help him or support him. I'm not sure I should be tempting him with a half bottle in the fridge - and there's two more the cupboard. I feel a bit mean, like I'm setting him a trap. I suppose I am.

I'll ride this current friendliness out and keep focussed on the fact that this is a script. Nothing has changed, he just believes it has.

It's so sad.

You're allowed to be sad, as long as you are not letting it stop you from preparing for your exit. It is sad watching someone you love and expected to grow old with press the self destruct on their whole life. Separating from an alcoholic is so full of complex feelings.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Yes. It's not the first time I've seen this, it's been going on for a decade. And every time it gets worse.

He believes it, he really does. The denial is resolute, and it's sad to see. I can't help him or support him. I'm not sure I should be tempting him with a half bottle in the fridge - and there's two more the cupboard. I feel a bit mean, like I'm setting him a trap. I suppose I am.

I'll ride this current friendliness out and keep focussed on the fact that this is a script. Nothing has changed, he just believes it has.

It's so sad.

It is so sad.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I don't think you are being mean at all, I really hope over the course of the coming months you are able to sort things out for yourself and family.

Please stay focused on your happiness however that may look for you.

I hope you are having a nice weekend and I'm glad however fleeting it may be that he is at least being friendlier and not drinking.

I can only assume how difficult this must be for you watching someone you love and wanted to spend the rest of your life with hurt themselves with alcohol. I really wish things were different for you but I do believe everyone deserves to be happy and in a loving and safe home.