I think I killed my marriage and I don't know what to do

[ITSupport]

Been together with DH for 11 years, married for 8. We never argue and generally get on really well but over the time have had four major rows - all connected to the fact I'm a drunk.

The final straw was when I came home from a weekend away with my mate. I was plastered. I can't remember but I yelled a lot of nasty things at him. How the house was mine, I'd paid for it, he was nothing, I could go find someone else anytime I wanted. And lots of other stuff related to that. I remember nothing until I woke up in a hotel room having checked myself in.

Yesterday morning he wanted out. He's then gives some degree of indication of being willing to work it out. Is coming to an AA meeting with me.

Then he says I've destroyed everything we had (and what we had was great) and he doesn't want to be with me, or near me, and he wants a divorce because even if we stay together he'll never trust me again and he doesn't want to be married to me.

I'm posting this on the alcohol board as well.

I don't even know why I just need to get it off my chest.

Hi, Sorry you’re having such a tough time.

You really need to stop drinking completely, forever, but you know that!

If you want to try to save your marriage, go and see your GP (they’ve heard it all before!) and go to meetings, AA or Smart meetings (the latter are a non religious alternative I think).

Your husband cannot do this for you, and you cannot do this for anyone else. You must do this FOR YOU.

Come and join us on this lovely thread when you’ve quit

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4461184-The-freedom-thread-continued-Riding-the-rollercoaster-of-an-alcohol-free-life

We’re a really supportive bunch! I quit nearly two years ago and I believe it has saved my relationship (and made my whole life so much better).

Good luck!

I second what Bunnies has said .

Come and get some support . X

You need to find recovery and you need to do it for you, not for any other reason. There are no guarantees that your marriage can be saved - your husband will be in so much pain, will have lost so much trust in you, that repairing your relationship may not be what he wants. If that is the case, you have to accept that and move on with your new and sober life.

Find support - whether that is AA or SMART recovery. Address the things that are making you self medicate with alcohol. Do all the hard work because whether or not your marriage survives, your life will be better without alcohol in it.

I'm your husband in this situation, by the way. My husband didn't find recovery.

While not as severe, I had to stop drinking for my marriage. Hands out, without question, the best thing I ever did. Use the shame, embarrassment, regret - all the negative feelings - to motivate you to stop. I stopped for 100 days and never started again.

You can do it - for you.