Partner heavy drinking

[Bel1991]

Hello there

My partner drinks a lot - about 10 beers a day, on average.
We've been together 8 years and I'd say alcohols been a problem for about 7 of those years.

He often makes attempts to cut down, but this usually lasts the next day and then it's straight back to normal.

When he's drinking he's not abusive or aggressive or anything.
I just get annoyed to talk with him because he doesn't hear me properly and can never remember anything we've discussed. He can often fall over and hurt himself, so sometimes I worry about this- particularly if he's been out drinking somewhere else. So may times he's become lost on the walk home.

We have a 4m old baby now and I get annoyed that he's always too drunk to go for a drive and pick something up if we need it, and I'm busy with the baby.

I don't even know what I want out of this post. I guess it's just a vent really.

I don't want to leave him. I know he won't stop drinking, he has no desire to do so. He often says he'd like to cut down.

Maybe my question is - is it possible to cut down after being such a heavy drinker, and manage a healthier amount of alcohol rather than giving up all together ?

Thanks 😔

Hi OP,

This must be so awful for you. I guess yes, it is always possible for someone to cut down on alcohol - if there not an alcoholic.

10 beers a day is a staggering amount to drink, getting drunk every day without fail is going to see him in an early grave. You have already said he has no desire to, so he won't.

It looks as though changing his behaviour is not an option, because he doesnt want to.
The only thing you can do is decide whether you want this to be the rest of your life or not.

And whilst your baby is only 4 months old now and won't remember this - they will notice Daddy is always drunk when they grow up. My DP has a distorted view of alcohol due to both his parents being functioning alcoholics whilst growing up - he now has had to cut out alcohol completely and he cannot have a healthy relationship with it.
Viewing unhealthy habits day in day out will normalise daily alcohol drinking for your child.

Do you really want that?

It's not really an option for him to cut down realistically. He'll either need to abstain altogether or he'll carry on, there's no middle ground for problematic drinkers.

Why would you bring a baby into this? The impact of growing up with an alcoholic parent is huge:

nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/for-children/help-advice/

Choose your DC, and yourself.

His priority is his addiction.

Sorry this will not get better.He Will most probably die early or worse have a stroke.How much does he spend on alcohol a week and does he also smoke?Do you have enough money to live a comfortable life?Is this the life you want for your baby,I hope not.Think hard about this please for your babies future.

He doesn’t want to stop so he won’t. You need to take yourself and your baby out of the situation before her childhood is impacted by his drinking.

Why would you have a baby with a alcoholic?

Fair enough if you want to spend your life with him but putting a innocent child through that?

Imagine when the baby is a toddler and starts asking questions? You can't shield them from this.

Do you know the affects of a alcoholic parent on a child?

I guess you’re not coming back, @Bel1991. Please don’t try to ignore this though, it’s a nightmare for children as they literally can’t get away, whatever happens.