Night out with former drinking buddies - cancel?

[FrugalFrancine]

I am doing Dry Feb after doing most of Dry January and then having some drinks over the weekend just gone. I think, having had a wet weekend (I was not drunk all day or anything, but had a couple of drinks each evening Friday - Sunday), I can tell I'm not ready to moderate drinking. One small glass of wine swiftly becomes two or three big ones, which is too much.

Anyway, a bit of a ramble there, sorry.

The point of my thread is that I have a dinner out with friends booked for a couple of weeks time. They are old 'drinking buddies'. We went to university together and always hit the wine when we get together. I am wondering if I should cancel. That's what I'm thinking at the minute, but maybe I need to get out and just 'do' a sober night out?

Can anyone who has had similar offer any advice?

[sittingonacornflake]

I have no direct experience but from what you've said it doesn't sound like you're quite ready for this. Can you postpone?

[FrugalFrancine]

Thanks cornflake. I like your username also.

I think part of the problem is the journey which is an absolute bugger and I can't drive there. Usually have a skin full to get me through the journey home which ironically is hell because of all the drunk people! Wonder how many of them are drunk because they can't stand being around all the drunks 🤔

I might try and postpone.

[FrugalFrancine]

Cheekily bumping for more advice

[FrugalFrancine]

They would do it for me if I asked I think, but I don't think I want to do that to them! Also, the train home is the main bit I'm dreading doing sober, and obviously I don't have any say over what strangers on the train do on their night out.

I think I'm going to try and postpone it. Nobody on here is saying a resounding "you have to get through an outing sober", so think not going is for the best. Will save some money anyway!

[Lemonweightloss]

It's a tricky one and all depends on 1) how strong you feel and 2) how you will feel if you succumb and drink.
I've got a lot of experience with this, having had numerous day 1s. I'm fine if I've got no plans to socialise, I can do it, but life does have a tendency to get in the way. You can't stay in forever.
You have to plan your evening carefully ; make sure you eat, check the drinks menu online so you know what you're having, be determined to not have a drink if you know you'll feel like you've let yourself down.
The last time I was meeting ex work colleagues I ate brunch before we met at 1pm. I ordered af lager straight away, I kept a small bottle of sparkling water on me. I had planned to eat but wasn't hungry and I was ok.
I actually enjoyed myself more. I spent about £4 (!!), I felt more engaged with them instead of wondering where my next drink was or popping out for a cigarette ( only smoke when drinking). Found my way home safely, so proud of myself. And no hangover/ anxiety the next day.
I wouldn't cancel. Go for it. You can do it. You just need a plan.

[SNUG2022]

Try it sober and use the alcohol money for a nice hotel. This means you can leave if it gets too on top, plus no horrible train journey.

[FrugalFrancine]

Thanks, that us good advice lemon. However, reading your excellent advice only made me realise I firmly don't want to go. It's the journey there and back that I honestly can't do sober! Sounds bonkers, but honestly the last train from Central London is hell on a Saturday night. I'd rather stay in with dh and a lime and soda.

Really do appreciate your advice though as it made me sure of what I actually want to do!

I have another outing the week before which will be easy to do sober as it's daytime and I'm doing a proper activity. So I promise I'm not becoming a full hermit

[FrugalFrancine]

SNUG, that's a great idea too! I'm going to use that in the future. If we postpone this dinner, I'll do that.

A hotel room all to myself and going to bed sober sounds like heaven! I'll order room service for breakfast

[Lemonweightloss]

@FrugalFrancine, that's great that you've thought about it and come to a decision. We only know ourselves really but yes it's good to get some tips. Oohh love thee idea of staying in a hotel room alone. I'm doing that next time 🤣

[FrugalFrancine]

The hotel room idea is absolute genius 😂. I'm picking one with a spa!

[Mamabear12]

If you can not go out at night with these buddies, why not suggest alternative meet ups instead? Like brunch, lunch, sport? There are loads of other activities you can do that do not include drinking. But also, you could just face your fears and go out and not drink. I am going for a dinner with my friends soon and will not drink, although we usually go out and all enjoy drinking together. I already told them I am not drinking, as had a dry Jan and want to continue on in Feb. No one minds that someone does not drink, our other friend in the group met up for a drinks night and decided not to drink and had a alcohol free drink instead. But I get it, the temptation. I have done it before, so I am not tempted. I love my wine, but for some reason, have not really been tempted this time around.

[FrugalFrancine]

Thanks @Mamabear12

It occurred to me yesterday on this thread that I don't want to go on a night out. Getting a bit deep with it, I honestly think my drinking got out of control because I hate big nights out. Especially in Central London with a (gross) train journey back! I only drank because I the cold light of sobriety, I really hate every second of big nights out! I honestly feel liberated by this mini epiphany. I'll suggest something else with them, as you say

[Mamabear12]

Ah that is great. I am not a big fan of big nights out either. I prefer a nice quiet dinner w friends where we can actually talk. Nice w wine but I can do with out 😀 or I enjoy nights in watching movies. Before kids cinema w a friend, museums, shopping (maybe girlish!). Gym or walks in the park. Hope you find something nice to do with your buds