How to access rehab for alcoholic brother

[SavBbunny]

Can anyone help point me in the right direction?
Brother on dialysis for kidney disease. Will not stop drinking. A bottle of spirts a day. Partner cannot cope. She has asked him to leave her home. He has nowhere to go.
He do I help him? He has two grown up daughters who have their own issues. We have no extra space in our home.
Can I ask his GP/consultant to get him into a hospital? Am I next of kin?

Thank you all.
I have not heard from my brother. His partner has asked him to leave. My best friend has offered him lodgings on her farm. She has known him 30 odd years and they get on. He attends hospital three times a week.
My brothers partner owned her house outright when he met her. He has developed it but would not claim any funds. Too proud. He had a building conpany and access to a generous pension. He is not without means.
I wouldn't have him with me at present but I am happy to visit him every day. Our grandfather was a farmer and my brother loves the land and animals. I am also happy to take him to AA everyday.

Your brother is very lucky to have you. Just make sure you look after yourself. Putting your oxygen mask on first, as it were.

I got to say if he isn’t going to sort out his drinking for the sake of his partner and children then do you think you can sort this for him?

I have experience of this with my mother. She ended up homeless too (became violent), her brothers immediately had the attitude that, “right we’re going to fix your mum seeing as you couldn’t do it, we’re family we’ll sort it out.” It really hurt us that our uncles, our family too were rallying around my mother after she’d wrecked our home and our lives, leaving us in a deep depression and feeling like failures whilst being suicidal. Were we not family too and did we not deserve some support?

Within a year they soon realised like we did NOTHING could be done. Unless the alcoholic wants to do it for themselves. Of course my mother gave them all the responses they were looking for and looked like she was getting better, in truth it was just easier for her to hide it as they were so naïve.

Our story did not have a good ending, mother died and I’m estranged from my uncles.

Please think who in your family is the most in need of your love and support right now, is it your brother or his children? You say they have their own issues and I bet money on most of them stemming from your brother’s alcoholism.

At the very least be very sensitive in how you deal with the wider family.

@Fucket

Thank you for your insight.
I do look after his daughters (my other siblings do not). One is bi polar, the other has MH issues through his marraige break up. He did not drink at that time.
My brother has been through some horrendous trauma including the tragic death of his best friend. He has had periods of wellness but when our father died 4 years ago life got significantly worse for all of us. Our father was the booze regulator and eternal optimist. We all lived together at times. Suited us as we are from a farming family on my father's side. That stability was his anchor.
Covid has ment no family visits.
Both he and I are immune compromised.
I am fully aware of the impact his illness has had on his family but i am not going to leave him to die. I have the support of my family to help him otherwise i wouldn't do it.

A warning - in our area (before Covid) the NHS refused to admit DS to hospital after the fourth trip by ambulance. They simply stabilised her (she had a seizure and stopped breathing in the ambulance) and discharged her although she was so weak that she could not walk. Alcoholics have seizures because they have had no access to alcohol.
They only seek rehab when they reach rock bottom and , frankly, rock bottom is much lower down than you can possibly imagine.
I would stress to you that it is important not to make yourself ill over the health of your brother and remember the mantra:
I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I wish you and your family well.

SavBbunny nobody would ask you to stop supporting your brother. It is however important to learn the distinction between supporting and enabling - they are different things. Accessing help for you from a support group will help you clarify the distinction and will hopefully also make you feel less alone. Having an addict in your life is hard enough without also trying to do it by yourself.

Thank you all. I have now spoken to him. We have made a plan.

Good luck. I wish you both the very best.

I lost my partner through alcoholism, private rehab is £1000 a week minimum, he may be able to get community detox but because of his kidney problems I would imagine he will need to be in hospital at least for the detox week & maybe longer.

@Nat6999

I am sorry.
We have been quoted £3500 a week.
I am speaking to his doctor tomorrow (he has given permission).

I can't just leave him to die. I am a loss this time how to help.

Please, please go to AlAnon for Families.
You need to manage your expectations.

Your brother needs to be the one talking to his doctor tomorrow. It's not a good sign that you are doing this, or that he considers himself a bit of a drinker, or that he stops for a few weeks and thinks he is cured. He believes he is in control here and he is not. Having you make the calls for him is another sign that he has not accepted that this problem is his to fix. Did you talk him into contacting the doctor? Or did he ask you to - was it his idea start to finish?

@mathanxiety

Thank you.
We have made a plan. His daughter is on board. He won't ask for help.
I am aware of the relapses.

If he won't ask for help than you have to let him get to the point where he will.

He has to accept that he needs help, and he is not showing any sign of that at this point.

I am sorry that his daughter seems to be holding out hope for an effective intervention here too.