I've cut down by 30 units a week but need to do more

[2022newme]

Until recently I was drinking around a bottle of wine a day, seven days a week - so 70 units a week approximately in total.

At the start of this year I vowed to make a change, and have had three days off drinking every week so far, thereby reducing my intake to 40 units a week approx.

The problem is that on the days when I do drink, I still struggle to limit myself and invariably wake up feeling hungover the next day, with all that entails - anxiety, lack of productivity and low mood.

Yesterday for example I had half a bottle of wine at the pub, then came home and had a couple more glasses in the evening.

I want to be able to drink the half bottle at the pub then leave it there, rather than coming home and drinking more. I'm sure I'd be feeling much better today if I hadn't had those two extra glasses.

Has anyone managed to achieve this and if so, how? Do you have any tips for monitoring your alcohol on drinking days and stopping when appropriate?

Please don't tell me I need to go teetotal - that's not something I want to do. I just want to get my alcohol intake down to more "normal", sensible levels. Thanks.

For me, not having the alcohol in the house in the first place works. Sounds trite but it's true. I also have strict alcohol free days.

Op I completely get what you are saying about not wanting to give up alcohol completely. But are you sure that you are at the stage where drinking reasonably is going to work with you?

Apologies I see that you do have alcohol free days already.

Get a new routine going. I read a lot in bed before going to sleep as opposed to wandering around downstairs with a glass of wine.

Not being flippant but buy wine by the glass in the pub?

Buy half bottles or those tiny ones for at home?

I know you don’t want to think about abstinence but if you can’t moderate then there’s not a lot of choice . The moderation battle is one you can’t win if your brain is programmed to fight you . The chemical reactions that cause the craving to drink more and more can only be fought by not feeding them at all .

Some people can moderate as there brain isn’t screaming for more . I think they are lucky bastards but there you go !!

If your brain is screaming for more more more you will NEVER be able to moderate whatever you try .

That's a really good idea about making sure I don't have any alcohol at home so there's no temptation. I don't know how I didn't think of that!

I like the idea of a new routine as well, thank you. I've been wanting to pamper myself a bit more so might start running a bath earlier, having a good soak and an early night.

I don't want to give up alcohol completely as I really enjoy a glass of wine or two with my food. It's one of life's great pleasures for me. I just want to get my drinking down to reasonable levels - say 20 units a week. I know that's still a bit high, but it's a lot better than 70.

The moderation battle is one you can’t win if your brain is programmed to fight you

I have managed to cut down by three days a week though. So I think I do have it in me to moderate.

That’s the frustrating thing about moderation , I’d LOVE to be able to drink a glass of wine with a meal but I can’t . I’ve realised after 25 it’s impossible . I will ALWAYS want more . One is never enough . One always leads to more and do the cycle goes on and on .

I envy people who can drink one glass whilst at the same time my brain is always asking what is the actual point of one glass???

25 years

You’ve done amazing to get three days alcohol free a week .

I found the moderation battle exhausting tbh . Constantly thinking about drink and units . And it always without fail crept back up

I see what you mean @Adm1010. I'm going to really focus on moderating my alcohol on my drinking days this week and see how I get on. If I find I can't manage it I will have to reassess.

All you can do is try !

What is your current pattern on drinking days?

You’ve done amazing to get three days alcohol free a week.

Thank you, I'm so proud of myself. I have a drinking app to record my progress which really helps. It feels so good knowing I've cut down by 30 units a week, it sounds like a lot.

Calculate the the amount of units per week you will allow yourself. So if that’s 18 units/two bottles of red, then that’s it.

Have those two bottles visible in the kitchen.

I know that goes against everything everyone says, but if I have my two bottles of white in the fridge on a Monday then I KNOW I will want a couple of glasses way more on Friday night than I do on a Monday. Repeat Tuesday. Repeat Weds etc. when I get to Friday I now don’t down the lot because it’s there and I know if I drink it, the rule is not to have more. I don’t replace those two bottles till the following Monday.

Or, you can eek it out having a bit of the two bottles all week. But that’s shit, because frankly one glass of wine is pointless to me.

I probably have very skewed logic. But it works for me.

It’s a great achievement .

A good goal is to aim for under 6 units on a drinking day then maybe increasing to 4 days “ off” a week .

Then when that’s comfortable reduce to 3 units a day. With the four days off you then will be within recommended safer guidelines

On drinking days buy your wine but pour a third away before you have your first drink . Two thirds of a bottle will then be your 6 units and if it’s down the sink you can’t be tempted to finish it off

Have a cup of tea. Even if you don't want one (you won't) - have a cup and then you really won't want to drink cold acidic wine after the warming refreshing tea.

Go to the GP and ask for a liver panel blood test and get your fib4 result. This will give you an idea of whether you have significant liver damage or not although a scan could give more detailed information.

The last thing I ever wanted to do was go teetotal. I wanted to drink 'normally' (spoiler: here is nothing normal about drinking any alcohol) I tried drinking on weekends only, I tried drinking beer not wine. You name it I tried it. I always ended up drinking more than I intended and hating myself the next day.
I read a book called Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck and I haven't drunk a drop since. That was nearly 3 years ago. My life has improved immeasurably. I am so much happier. I know you say you don't want to stop and that's fine. But try the book. The worst that can happen I'd that you end up ten quid lighter. But you have already saved that by cutting back anyway.

Ps. I reckon I could drink two glasses of wine. The trouble is that will never be enough for me. So I'd feel horribly cheated.

OP, would you consider stopping drinking for a while? Say three months?

I did this a few years ago on health advice (needed some treatment that was incompatible with alcohol).

My initial reaction was no, I can’t / don’t want to do that.

But the treatment required it (I had digestive Candida whcih gave me terrible IBS) and I wanted to feel better.

I also realised, three months is quite short. So if I COULDNT do that, maybe I did have an alcohol issue.

So I did it. It was easier than I thought, and my digestive issues improved. Three months is long enough it resets your habits and you find other ways to relax.

I did start drinking again afterwards, but it was a permanent reset for me.

Ever since I’ve had many (at least five) alcohol free days a week. And days I do drink, 1-3 glasses is plenty. One feels like a treat. After three I feel pretty drunk.

Worth a try?

@2022newme, firstly, congratulations on cutting back so much. I know how hard it is because I was you about 2 years ago. It slowly crept up til I, too, was on about 7 bottles a week. Now I'm probably on about 2 ( Xmas was a bit different obviously as are other events). Sometimes I only have 1 bottle a week but we're very similar, in that I don't want to cut it out completely. I enjoy drinking when eating out etc. I got to this point by ;

1. keeping a diary. In this I plan my week and note the days I know I'll have a drink. It doesn't have to be weekend. ( I actually love af weekends, I get so much done). The other days I totally abstain.
2. if I happen to go for a meal on the days I wasn't planning to drink ( life happens!), I'll have a couple then plough into dessert ( if I'm full, it goes off me).
3. planning. I keep sparkling water in the kitchen but on the side where I can see it. I'll buy af beer but won't keep wine in the house ( that would not work for me).
4. I got help ( mumsnet groups/ AA / Annie Grace/ Club Soda / Soberistas/ hypnotherapy). All worked to varying degrees of success.
5. I listed the advantages of an af life ( I know you want to moderate, so do I) so I'm aware of the benefits of not getting carried away. I have a list of 50 reasons that I read often. Apologies for the essay. I'm a work in progress but happy with where I am today ; enjoying a drink ( sometimes getting drunk. I'm no angel), but reflecting and learning all the time. I'm also really nice to myself and never say anything to myself I wouldn't say to a friend. Once again, well done on your achievement so far.

Some really good advice, thanks everyone. I like the cup of tea idea.

What I'm trying to remember is that part of the reason I drink is because I like the relaxed feeling it gives me. But I easily have that feeling after two glasses of wine, and drinking more after that doesn't actually add anything.

@Mykittensmittens I can actually really identify with that logic! Am I right in thinking you don't drink Monday to Thursday, then have those two bottles of wine over Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

Bloody well done for cutting back 30units, that's such a big step.

A friend who was in a situation similar to you went to an alcohol support agency and started taking medication which helped her cut right back. She was so pleased, not least because she lost a lot of weight.

Might be worth considering.

Lots of good suggestions here and I second the cup of tea! Or another nice non alcoholic drink.

If all else fails, can you go completely teetotal just for a limited period? A month without drinking will reset your expectations, and then you can start again in moderation.

@2022newme

Some really good advice, thanks everyone. I like the cup of tea idea.

What I'm trying to remember is that part of the reason I drink is because I like the relaxed feeling it gives me. But I easily have that feeling after two glasses of wine, and drinking more after that doesn't actually add anything.

@Mykittensmittens I can actually really identify with that logic! Am I right in thinking you don't drink Monday to Thursday, then have those two bottles of wine over Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

Yes that’s right. And if I’m having a really crap weds (for example) I take a good long look at that wine and instead of necking it, I look forward to Friday. That makes the day feel less crap, it makes Friday feel special too.

I also try and have other rules but they HAVE to be my rules. So on Friday I don’t have a glass before 6pm. Never ever after 9pm (unless it’s something like a wedding/party/social), and I always make sure the last half hour/hour of the eve I have a soft drink. Then I don’t wake up thirsty. Because these are self imposed rules that I seem to want, they are easier to achieve. It’s less of a challenge.

Tonight is Monday
I have two bottles of wine in the fridge.
I have a relative for lunch next Sunday so I know I will want to keep 3/4 of a bottle for that. I will want that on Sunday more than I want it now. Even though I want it now, I can visualise how grumpy I will be without it then. Mondays are a bit ‘meh’ anyway so it’s no hardship. Repeat repeat repeat.