Terrified of family do!

[SoManyQuestionsHere]

I've been doing so very well!

For the longest time in my life, I was a "never at home" drinker. Then, over the last few years I slipped into an "occasionally" mode, until COVID, living on my own and the general air of depression sent me on an uncontrollable downward spiral.

I was on a six-pack of beer a day as of a month ago, which was way too much and interfered with my well-being, above all my ability to sleep - but I've quit alcohol altogether ever since the new year.

I've been doing so very, very well! The first few days were tough, but I've managed to get into a few good and healthy "replacement" habits and, at this point, don't even think about drinking any more.

Enter my family, all of whom are drinkers. Heavy drinkers. My dad openly admits to being an alcoholic and everyone else also drinks rather unhealthy amounts. They also, literally, don't see the issue as long as they're capable of functioning. It's just part of the family culture.

I love them dearly, but the mere thought of attending our upcoming family get-together (round birthday) terrifies me.

How on earth does everyone else cope with a heavily drinking family whilst trying to stay sober?

FWIW, I do hope to get back to a pre-COVID level of "normal, social drinking" eventually - it's just way too early for me, and I'd rather test the waters at something like a work do (i.e., some place that requires a modicum of decorum) eventually.

Could you say that you are doing dry January? If the party is in February could you say that you've done dry January and feel so much better that you're carrying on? Or you could just say that you are on antibiotics or that you have to drive and give yourself an excuse that way. Well done though!

I might try "driving". I don't actually own a car (no need where I live), but I could always borrow or rent one, citing "feeling uncomfortable on a train for several hours with COVID" as a reason.

Don't see how I'd ever explain Dry January to my folks. They'd assume I've lost the plot completely and would be genuinely worried.

Can you drink alcohol free beer ? So it looks like you’re drinking? I had nosecco on Xmas day , Nobody even mentioned it . It was bubbly in a wine glass .

@Adm1010, I second this. We could put forward a plethora of excuses for you ( driving, antibiotics, found God), but it's easier to just pretend ( sad, I know. I've had to do it loads of times).
Have a look at the drinks menu beforehand at the venue. Stick in a wine glass - voila !
Well done on your achievement so far 👏

Great that you've made so much progress.

Why is it a problem what your family think of your new non-drinking habits?

It's not really a problem that they might have opinions - more of a risk of them being all "oh, come on, don't be ridiculous! It's a party! Just have one ... or eight!" because they just swing that way. Social pressure, basically.

And I really don't think I'm quite at the point at which I can "one off" binge drinking. Even if I could, I also frankly don't want to!

It's just that drinking heavily is deeply ingrained in our family culture. Not healthy, not smart but also not unusual in the sort of rural working class environment I grew up in.

Going with alcohol-free versions might be a valid option. Might give that a go.

I agree with pp -- arrange to be driving. You can ruefully say "I should really have thought about the not drinking before I decided to drive!"

Or tell them you're on one of the drugs that you really REALLY can't drink on -- tinidazole, for example. It's used to treat bacterial vaginosis (among other things) so you'd have a good excuse not to want to go into too much detail about why you were taking it (or you can go into graphic detail until they beg you to stop and then none of them will dare to ask about your not drinking again). If you drink on tenidazole you're likely to wind up with nausea and vomiting.

Just say, "I'm not drinking tonight" and change the subject. You don't need to make up an excuse. Be proud of yourself.

@VioletLemon

Just say, "I'm not drinking tonight" and change the subject. You don't need to make up an excuse. Be proud of yourself.

The thing is, if OP is brand new to sobriety, and she knows that her family will spend the evening trying to undermine her decision, she kind of does need an excuse. She knows how her family dynamic typically plays out at social events and what effect it's likely to have on her. A couple of months down the line, when her new patterns of behaviour are more ingrained and she's feeling more secure, she may well not need an excuse - but for now she wants the support that it offers.

What would you normally have had? If you just have a glass with ice, lemonade or coke wouldn’t they think it had a vodka/gin/rum in it?

I did that before when not drinking, asked the bar for a lemonade but in a gin glass, didn’t make a big announcement about not drinking, nobody asked and I just got my own drinks all night.

@SoManyQuestionsHere Completely understand about the drinking culture. Makes it doubly difficult if it's within the family.

But the thing to remember is that you are in control of what you drink. Every drink is a decision you make. However much you may be 'guilted' into it, it's always you who decides. This is good news.

Other people will think whatever they want about you. They'll think whatever they want about you whether you have 1, 10 or no drinks and that's their right. You have no way of knowing what they think so why even try?

The thing to remember is what do YOU want to think about you? Start there and you will find the courage to back yourself.

I have a podcast on this exact topic (other people's opinions). If you want to listen look for the 90 Days Later podcast on Apple (or other podcast platforms.)