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Alcohol support

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Please Help

5 replies

Yankee94 · 06/01/2022 19:20

Good day, this may be a long post but I don't know where else to turn.

I am a 27 year old male from the United States and have an alcohol problem that has spiraled out of control within this past year. I started drinking when I was 21 and while I never drank frequently enough for it to get in the way of my obligations for many years, I always showed signs of problem drinking (drinking alone, blacking out, embarrassing my family more times than I can remember, etc).

I have used alcohol in the past as a form of self medication to deal with depression and feelings of low self esteem in addition to a resentment about life. This past year, I got passed over for a promotion I desperately needed to advance my career, that has left me without anything but a year with nothing to do other than ruminate on how much I dislike my life as I reapply for positions. To make a long story short, I am an MD with no place to work primarily due to a bad luck of the draw from an archaic system my country uses to train physicians.

I have gone through months over much of the past year where I have drunk less than others, but seldom consume less than a bottle of hard liquor a week and can't go more than a few days without getting drunk. June 2021 was a particularly bad month and was the last time I was physically dependent. I slowed down a little after going to AA for a couple of weeks, but found it hard to connect with other members and didn't like the religious/spiritual element to it, so I stopped going. 90% of the times I do drink, I drink until I blackout and usually don't remember anything about the night beforehand. I am frightened seeing my long term memory starting to become affected as well as it's hard for me to remember what I've done over the past several weeks/months.

My parents are deeply concerned and I can see they are losing their patience with me. I moved away from home a couple of months ago to avoid being around them since I know I am getting worse and that the way I act when I drink could threaten their marriage or even their physical safety. My mom called me on New Years to wish me well and I responded (apparently) by saying horrific things to her (I have a lot of anger towards them for reasons to verbose to get into here) but I followed up later that night by bombarding her with absolutely disgusting, hateful texts. I apologized to her the next day but she seemed very cold towards me and my father came over to see me with a look of disappointment like nothing I have ever seen from him.

I feel really badly about what I've become. I am not taking care of myself at all and pretty much have every other bad habit a human being can possess short of hard drugs (chain smoking, casual sex, gambling, marijuana, terrible diet, no exercise, etc). I am getting exhausted with living like this, but I am so pessimistic and feel so wronged by both my profession and my country that it just makes me truly want to die/self-destruct. I really wish things could be different as what I've become is not anything I ever wanted to be, but I feel trapped in a negative loop that is seemingly unbreakable. I've ruined my relationship with my parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and have lost everything I've ever cared about and am just alone aside from an occasional woman who thinks she can change me.

I am hoping things change in a few months when I hear back from places I interviewed with, but I am worried that I am so dependent on alcohol at this point and have spoiled so many other facets of my life that I may have reached the point of no return. If anyone has any advice or experience they could share I would greatly appreciate it as I feel like I am decending into a dark whole very quickly.

OP posts:
Oldhabitsarehardtobreak · 06/01/2022 20:05

That sounds so tough and it really sounds like you need some help with your MH so that you are in a strong enough position to deal with your alcohol issue. Are you on any medication or receiving any counselling at all?

The good thing is that you are actually wanting to get help and to change your life.

A lot of us on MN are in the U.K. though so I’m not sure if many people will know of where you could get help and support over there.

I’m sure your parents are very aware of how bad your problems are. Is it not worth having an honest discussion with them and reaching out to them to ask for help? I know I would do anything in my power to help my son. Is rehab an option?

You have your whole life ahead of you. Ditching the alcohol and drugs now could make sure it’s a great life, not a wasted life. I wasted far too many years heavy drinking and have several alcoholics in my family who still drink but I know I can’t get them to quit if they don’t actually want to. You do want to but I don’t know, other than AA, what options there are over there.

I just wanted to bump your post in the hope that someone else comes along who is more knowledgeable and who can point you in the right direction. Hang on in there.

Yankee94 · 06/01/2022 20:32

@Oldhabitsarehardtobreak

That sounds so tough and it really sounds like you need some help with your MH so that you are in a strong enough position to deal with your alcohol issue. Are you on any medication or receiving any counselling at all?

The good thing is that you are actually wanting to get help and to change your life.

A lot of us on MN are in the U.K. though so I’m not sure if many people will know of where you could get help and support over there.

I’m sure your parents are very aware of how bad your problems are. Is it not worth having an honest discussion with them and reaching out to them to ask for help? I know I would do anything in my power to help my son. Is rehab an option?

You have your whole life ahead of you. Ditching the alcohol and drugs now could make sure it’s a great life, not a wasted life. I wasted far too many years heavy drinking and have several alcoholics in my family who still drink but I know I can’t get them to quit if they don’t actually want to. You do want to but I don’t know, other than AA, what options there are over there.

I just wanted to bump your post in the hope that someone else comes along who is more knowledgeable and who can point you in the right direction. Hang on in there.

Thanks for the response.

I've tried a number of antidepressants to help my mood, but all of them have failed in spite of me giving them more than ample time to take effect. I have been seeing a therapist virtually each week for the past 6 months and believe it helps me in a very limited way. It's really more of a place for me to vent than a place for me to change since there doesn't seem to be much my therapist or anyone can say/do to change my outlook or perception on things.

My parents are very intelligent and I am sure know a lot more about what is happening to me than I think they do. I have a lot of anger towards them in that I've blamed much of my depression/poor coping skills on the way they raised me and decisions they've made without my happiness in mind. I would describe them as "tiger parents" in the sense they put a tremendous amount of pressure on me which I think is a big part as to why I've grown up into such an introverted self-destructive man. Nonetheless, I don't want my relationship with them to be permanently damaged should I survive this phase of my life and regain some sense of who I used to be so perhaps a conversation is in order. I just don't know what to say.

Rehab is of course an option theoretically. However, I am completing a master's degree currently online and have a number of other obligations I need to do over the coming weeks including 2 final interviews requiring me to drive across the country over the course of a week. So while it's something I would be open to, it's not something I think I can do practically for the foreseeable future.

OP posts:
Mybestyear · 06/01/2022 20:40

Hello @Yankee94. You’ve taken the first step so well done on that. This is a really supportive site but it’s not as “busy” as other sites with regards to alcohol support threads. And as @Oldhabitsarehardtobreak said, we are mostly U.K.

Look up This Naked Mind Facebook group. It’s a private group so you need to join. Most members are in the US and may be better placed to offer advice as the two health systems are very different. I find that things that can be bought over the counter in the US need prescribed in the U.K., for example.

There is also a free 30 day programme called The Alcohol Experiment (there is also a live version which costs money) - I’m on day 6 and finding it helpful.

Good luck - you can do this

Etinoxaurus · 06/01/2022 20:59

AA!
Flowers

Sapphiresparkle · 06/01/2022 22:10

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you at the moment. Some PPs have given good advice about where to go for alcohol support.

With regards to your feelings about your parents, profession and country - do you feel that you are in the right profession for you to be fulfilled and happy? Was it partly the pressure from your parents that guided you into your profession? I just ask as I believe more and more that when we are in the right environment (job, pastimes, people in our lives etc) we all have the capacity to be happy. When we feel forced into a situation, or trapped, that's when resentments seem to surface.

I hope you are ok and manage to get the support you need. Sending you very best wishes.

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