We have just found out that a close family member has a severe alcohol problem. We knew something of it a couple of years ago but they sought treatment and we haven't seen much of them due to them being in a new relationship and Covid restrictions.
When we visited recently I suspected they were drunk, I checked with dh, who didn't notice anything, we then checked with another family member who then shared she had been dealing with this issue for quite some time - she is a secret drinker - will not drink in front of people, even socially, was quite alarmed to discover they drove over to see us - a short journey but not acceptable - she, of course, said she was fine as she'd checked herself with a breathalyzer - this was clearly a lie.
She has been attending counseling sessions once a week for a year. Although there is some doubt over whether she actually attends. The plan is that she reduces her alcohol intake gradually as they suggested going cold turkey would kill her. So other family member offered to help her ration the alcohol by making a daily alcohol delivery - it started at 350ml a day and is supposed to be down to 100mls now - this has taken almost a year.
My main concerns:
- the relative is getting too involved and I fear they are enabling - is this a good idea to provide an alcohol delivery service in an attempt to help limit intake - and what kind of timescale would this process be expected to take?
- how on earth to stop her driving, she has now convinced relative that she won't drive as long as they provide an alcohol delivery service - I fear this will not end well and I have no idea how she is ever sober as she often downs a litre of vodka and drives to work on a daily basis.
- the boyfriend is controlling - punishes her for drinking by withdrawing attention for days - which further inflames the situation and she drinks to excess to deal with the pain, spends all her time whatsapping desperately - apologising and promising to be better - this relationship is not the root cause of the problem (she's had it for a long time) but it's making things worse
- and of course her kids, in their late teens.
- so we have finally understood to some extent what is happening but there is a feeling of secrecy surrounding this problem, no one is talking openly about it - Mil has not been told - I can't see how this is helpful.
We want to support our relative, we are concerned she is making things worse providing the alcohol - we are so utterly bewildered by the whole thing.