Convincing Alcoholic Parent.

[Smithy92]

Hi guys,

So I posted not too long ago about my dad and his drinking. Unfortunately hes exhausted ALL medical help (Cravings Tablets, Withdrawal Tablets, Throwing up Tablets, Depression Meds, Forced Withdrawal through Hospitilastion) and despite Medical help, Psychiatric Help, various Alcoholic support groups, Rehab at the start of this year, he's still unable to stop unfortunately.
He's still drinking just over 700ml of vodka daily (and somehow still isn't at Hepatitis but is definitely on his way. (he's way past fatty liver, and now has been told his liver isn't doing what it's meant to, and has long been having mental issues because of the drink).

My question is, I don't want to give in fighting for him, my dad's still in there, but how do you convince someone who is unable to stop drinking on a daily basis, because of the dependency, to go back to Rehab as that's his only hope now. I fear if he doesn't go to Rehab asap, it will not be long before he has confirmed hepatitis (I already have suspicions).

Thanks all, Merry Christmas.

I think you need to come to terms with the fact there is nothing you can do. I'm sorry, it must be horrific.

Its is a very difficult situation. Unfortunately nothing you will say will make any difference.

He has to want it for himself its too hard otherwise

@AnyName1 @Starlightstarbright1 thanks both. I think he's past the point of being able to want to do it himself, as soon as he touches the smallest bit his brain goes to mush, and more often now when he has stayed away (normally for hospitalisations from falling and hurting himself) he is still mashed memory and speaking wise. Having never had it this bad before, is it genuinely something to accept that he will end up drinking himself to death unless he hospitilises himself again and can do something then?

I don't know. Could he be sectioned? Speak to his GP. Protect yourself first though, only do what you can.

It’s a horrible situation but sadly there is nothing you can do. Al-Anon Family Groups are for friends and relatives of alcoholics and you may find the support of others who are dealing with the same situation helpful.

al-anon.org

@AnyName1 we have tried that one too unfortunately but they won't touch him until he's got down to a certain number of drinks per week (I think it's about 30 and he's up at 100+ :(.

@invisibleoldwoman my mum already attends these, maybe it's about time I did too.

I'm so sorry Smithy. I'm an alcoholic and sober now for years. The very worst thing I ever did was put my daughter through that. A side effect of alcoholism is incredible selfishness, but please know if your dad was in his right mind he would never want to hurt you like this. He wouldn't want you to suffer.

@AnyName1 ahh that's brilliant, congratulations on getting through that. I can somewhat understand how difficult it is from seeing my dad go through it (he was the strongest person I know prior to all of this). I think I'm just trying to understand if I should be preparing myself for the worst, or if I should maintain the faith (I just don't know what it will take to make his mind switch).
Two hospitilisations in the last two months we thought would do it. Cracked the back of his skull falling onto a step, and the second losing a tooth, fracturing his eye socket and splitting his lip in two places. Still wasn't enough unfortunately despite being forced to sober up and take tablets the time he was in both times.

We manage to get my mum sectioned whilst still drinking but its really really hard. You have to be able to argue reduced capacity/that they can't stop drinking/wouldn't be safe.
Each time its saved her life. However there have been times weve had to wait until she is uncapable of looking after herslelf (not eating for long periods/point of collapse) to get there and thats horrible.

I feel for you. Its horrid.

@WoodenReindeer we were going down that route at one point. My dad hadn't eaten for 2 weeks, stopped drinking water for 2 days at the end of that, wouldn't shower, clean his teeth etc, and could barely get out of bed. Unfortunately he then fell the second time, and we convinced him to go to hospital but they wouldn't section him as they refused to do mental health tests at the time, and wouldn't listen to my mum's plea for him not being able to look after himself.

I am an Alcoholic in recovery for many years and my Mother was an Alcoholic.She never wanted to stop drinking and developed Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome,(wet brain).

It sounds as if this is what might be happening to your Father.Al-Anon would definitely be supportive for you.

I know for me if I had stopped drinking when people were first calling me an Alcoholic,I would have been sober a lot longer than the 18 years I have now.

A drinking Alcoholic is a selfish self-centred person in the extreme.

Sorry to read this, it must be really tough. No advice, but perhaps Nacoa might have something to help support you?
nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/for-adults/help-advice/

Thanks both, I guess I just need to speak to those sort of placea to understand if preparing for them drinking themselves to death is the sort of thing I should do as sad as that sounds :(

I think you need to prepare yourself for the worst, and that means enlisting help from a support organisation for families of alcoholics. I am so sorry it has come to this - accepting that you are powerless to help your loved one is the hardest thing of all. I lost my husband and my mother to alcoholism - my mother drank to the point of developing fulrl on Wernicke-Korsakoff and was on the point of being sectioned (in the Dutch system) when she fell down the stairs in her home on the way to get a top up and broke her neck. At that point my Dsis and I had been pushing and pushing at the mental health system to act - it was too late.

We've both had a lot of counselling and support. You will need that too.

Sorry to re-open this one but does anyone know any websites / reading pieces that help to get to the accepting stage of said person may pass from drinking?

When my sister and I were in the early stages of coming to terms with Dad's alcoholism after Mum died I found (completely by chance, or the work of my Higher Power, whatever you want to think) two books in a second hand book shop. They completely transformed my understanding and applying the insights and principles were so helpful. It also helped me deal with my sister's reluctance to accept he was an alcoholic. I was able to feed the ideas into our conversations without getting too specific about the labels or origins.

They are Al-Anon publications and take the form of short daily readings by relatives of alcoholics. So you can just dip in and out if you want.

There are three in the series.

One Day At A Time In Al-Anon shop.al-anonuk.org.uk/a12-one-day-at-a-time-in-al-anon-334-p.asp

Courage to Change shop.al-anonuk.org.uk/a15-courage-to-change-one-day-at-a-time-in---al-anon-339-p.asp

Hope For Today shop.al-anonuk.org.uk/a9-hope-for-today-330-p.asp

Remember - you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

As time went on I realised I too am an alcoholic and I have been sober now for 11 years with AA but it all started with these books. You may find them helpful even if you do not want to follow the Al-Anon programme.

This was before the advent of the huge resources in the internet nowadays and there is probably lots of stuff that is not from Al-Anon just as there is about sobriety that is not AA but I have not felt the need to explore. I remember I found some helpful blogs at one stage.

What happened to Dad? He ended up in a nursing home and died. The care home staff removed the alcohol but he was too far gone mentally and physically to make any sort of recovery.

I will be completely honest and say it was a relief when he died. It is a vile disease.

I had just turned 17 when my mum died from alcohol. I love my mum more than you would ever know but I’m still (19 years on) so sad that she chose alcohol over her 2 daughters.
It’s one of the worst things to watch your parents go through and to go through yourself. Unfortunately it wasn’t until she was hospitalised after her belly had swollen up to twice the size of a full turn pregnant tummy that she realised what she had done…but it was too late. I like to believe she wouldn’t have drank again if she could have had the liver transplant but I just don’t know.
Alcohol not only kills it changes their personality and that I found hard. It was a tough life. I hope you are doing ok and I hope you know never to blame yourself. Sending love x

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Really there's nothing you can do. My dad did rehab several times, hospitalised several times. Nothing worked because he didn't actually want to stop and the addiction had too strong a hold on him.