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Alcohol support

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I think my BF is an alcoholic (or heading that way) please advise

11 replies

Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 13/12/2021 21:06

Hello, I'm posting here because I guess you all know the signs etc to watch for/or are going through it yourself. I think my BF is an alcoholic or most certainly heading that way.. he drinks several rum and cokes every night, we don't live together and when he's back at his place he drinks in excess, he will drink all night until the early hours and not wake up until the afternoon/late morning (on a good day) he replaced smoking weed 24/7 with alcohol a year or so ago, but now he's smoking weed and drinking every night (he has nights without weed and tonight is the first night without alcohol) he's feeling pretty shit, nauseous/shakes/anxiety/irritable/like his body is shutting down etc.

I've noticed the alcoholism for a while but in the past if I brought it up he'd get defensive and say he isn't hurting anyone/he can do what he wants etc. Tonight is the only time he's admitted he's got a problem with drinking heavily. I am of course concerned and worried about him. I know he won't go to the GP/Alcohol support services etc he's said as much and sort of belittled me when I suggested it because the doctors aren't seeing anyone because of Covid (he's right the one we are registered aren't unless its an emergency and there's absolutely zero chance you could have covid) but my first thought was to involve a medical professional who is better able to handle this with him.

He is full of self loathing and depression (he will deny this) there's nothing i can do or say when he's like this, nothing will cheer him up etc

The reason I'm asking for advice is because I am completely tee total (mostly because I'm emetaphobic) and I haven't a clue how to handle this situation.

If its any relevance he only drinks at night, occasionally around dinner time at the weekend but once he's started he won't stop until he goes to bed.

He's agreed to not drink every night but I worry this will be temporary until he doesn't feel physically unwell anymore.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2021 21:12

How long have you been a couple?

Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 13/12/2021 21:16

@Justmuddlingalong 5 years, on and off, because if we have an argument his go to is to pack his stuff up and leave and end it with me, hence why we don't live together anymore, we have 1 DC together (toddler) and I have a older DC from a previous relationship (teenager)

He doesn't get black out drunk, not often anyway, he has a on a couple of occasions but his tolerance is so high now, he doesn't seem to get hammered (by that I'm envisioning night club revellers falling onto the street, unable to walk properly and throwing up everywhere) he gets tipsy and drunk but doesn't act silly if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2021 22:18

Do you see your relationship as fulfilling, can you honestly say you're happy?

awesomekilick · 13/12/2021 22:30

Watch "Leaving Las Vegas" and see how an alcoholic appears unaffected by booze.

Janeandjohnny · 13/12/2021 22:31

I think you should leave. He has a massive addiction problem which will go through the typical boom to bust cycle of addiction until he dies or changes. Its impossible to change him.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/12/2021 22:36

You leave him, that's the only advice you need.

thefirstmrsrochester · 13/12/2021 22:39

He’s a functioning alcoholic op, and it probably won’t get any better. Give yourself and your dc a break and leave him.

thefirstmrsrochester · 13/12/2021 22:39

He’s a functioning alcoholic op, and it probably won’t get any better. Give yourself and your dc a break and leave him.

AFitOfTheVapours · 14/12/2021 08:50

I’m really sorry you’re going through this Op. he is unlikely to change without a lot of will and extensive support. He can do that by engaging with the services available -AA, Smart Recovery, GP (they WILL see/speak to him) and local support services. However, he has to really want it. Belittling you for suggesting the GP doesn’t sound like he wants it. You need to be eyes wide open that the percentage of addicts who manage to get long term sober is depressingly tiny. Alcoholism is a progressive problem and, in all likelihood, he will just continue to get worse. I’m really sorry.

For you, you need to protect yourself and your dc. If you haven’t already, you mustn’t let him drive or look after your dc alone. It doesn’t matter that he only starts drinking in the evenings. It is probably in his system 24hrs a day.
Do you have support for yourself? That you can control. Get good friends around you and talk to them. Think about trying Alanon (for friends and family of alcoholics) or some counselling.
Really good luck to you.

MrsOnions0 · 14/12/2021 09:00

Hi OP

I work in this field. He doesn’t need to go via his GP he can go direct to a local drug and alcohol service (google your area). They can assess him over the phone. He’ll be invited in to discuss his options and see medical professionals there. He can be offered short term medication to help him stop. He should not stop on his own or reduce without speaking to someone first. There’s fantastic “Psychosocial” services, groups, drops ins, 1:1’s to go alongside this.

However, he has to want it. You can’t wish recovery for someone who doesn’t want it themselves. You will burnout trying to suggest/find solutions or options.

kiwifruitbanana · 14/12/2021 10:59

Let me share with you, as someone who has children with an alcoholic who is in denial about their addiction that I'm now having to explain to my DC that their dad has drunk himself to end stage liver failure and it is only a matter of time until he dies. And yet he continues to deny he has a problem. He's in his 40s.

Just a little wake up call.

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