Last night was a mess

[excitedemmi]

I went out and had drinks at lunch with a friend and then just continued drinking when I got back. No thought process to it. Just blindly drinking. I was falling asleep whilst feeding one of the babies, and my husband had to put our 9 month old twins to bed by himself. He (quite rightly) called me an unfit mother to be dealing with them in the state I was in. I was emotional and went to drive off and he had to leave the babies briefly to come whip the car keys out the ignition. I can't believe I would put the babies, and then myself, in such unsafe situations. I am expecting to be judged harshly for this; I am judging myself. I don't know why noone except my husband recognises I have a problem. This isn't normal drinking and behaviour is it? I know it's not.

I've just signed up to This Naked Mind 30 Day Alcohol Experiment to get off the sauce for good. I hate that I have a problem with alcohol.

I am currently listening to audiobook of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. I also have daily videos atm from The Alcohol Experiment from This Naked Mind and I am on the forum there as well as on here. This is all helpful.

@Rupertpenrysmistress I have mental health issues too - BPD and Bipolar - and I've always said my drinking is related to that. "Self medicating" or it hits me worse because of it. But alcohol is just alcohol and is addictive! Also, my life would be a lot easier without it like you say: easier to deal with my mental health issues sober. It's not helping them, that's for sure!

I think the thing is alchohol impairs your judgement so when under the influence you make bad decisions. I've given up booze but it's been a massive fail for me trying to drink a glass or two previously.

Definitely impairs your judgement! And whilst sober me would be happy to have only a couple of drinks, clearly when I have had a drink or two, my judgement has a new/different take.

I have mental health issues too - BPD and Bipolar - and I've always said my drinking is related to that. "Self medicating" or it hits me worse because of it. But alcohol is just alcohol and is addictive! Also, my life would be a lot easier without it like you say: easier to deal with my mental health issues sober. It's not helping them, that's for sure!

I go to Al Anon and this is common. There are a lot of problem drinkers with undiagnosed MH issues. You are not alone.