Myself and my OH went out on Saturday to celebrate a friends birthday. We have been dating over a year and I am very happy with him.
I barely drink these days because I get such bad anxiety after drinking, maybe only twice a month.
I am also not the best drunk in the world, if I go over my limits, I can become a bit mean, or fall asleep or cry.
Anyways I had a little fall out with my OH. It wasn’t anything massively dramatic but it was out of character for us and he ended up going home whilst I stayed and slept on a camp bed at my friends. I was crying pretty badly and ended up telling my friends that I wanted to break up with him
I feel horrendous today. We are in our late twenties and this sort of behaviour just doesn’t feel acceptable anymore.
I can’t stop beating myself up about it. I know I don’t suit drinking - I’m an anxious person and I’ve had a difficult few years. I don’t really talk about stuff much when I’m sober and then as soon as a I have a drink I start offloading onto anyone who will listen. So I know I need to stop and I’m fully prepared to do that - I don’t really care about drinking anymore, it’s mostly the social pressure that makes me do it, but the anxiety has got so bad that I don’t care what people think anymore and I would rather have a life without it.

I guess I’m just looking some reassurance or advice on how to deal with the beer fear? Myself and my OH made up immediately in the morning after the argument and we’ve been great since. I’m just so embarrassed that my friends witnessed this and will now think we are dysfunctional and unhappy. I also worry that my true self is this mean overly emotional person who can’t control her alcohol intake and so my self esteem is starting to be affected by my drunken behaviour.
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble ...